After you make a mistake, what do you do to regain people’s trust?

Question

Most people know me as Miss USA 2006. More recently, I’ve become known for events in my personal life. While I’ve gotten my life back on track, I’d love your advice on how to mend my relationships, both with those close to me and fans of the Miss USA pageant.

Answer 1

It is just going to take time. Unfortunately Trust can be broken faster than it can be gained back. Just be yourself, now that you have your life back on track just live it, they will come around sooner or later............once trust is broken it needs time to heal!!! Good Luck.....Don't give up on them and what ever you do DON'T give up on yourself!!!! You are headed in the right direction. Remember even when trust has been broken it does not mean that the love was.

Answer 2

Are you that girl that trump didn't fire?

I don't watch the pageant because they are boring even though the girls are beautiful.

But ya don't worry about the past, and if those people were your friends they would still be there for you. I'm here for you. I'm the kind of guy you can rely on. I know how to be a friend. I can take you away and show you a good time with no drugs or alcohol, how about that? Perfect chance to get your life back on track.

Seriously though, dreaming aside, umm don't worry about the fans of the Miss USA pageant because they will forget about it and also if they have no life and want to critisize you will they can waste there lifes. Look at it like this, if you are a changed person and you got your life back and you beleieve you are doing good things than that's all that can really be asked of you.

Ultimately you have to find what makes you happy and be comfortable and want to do the right thing. (If you are the Trump girl, while than Trump showed faith in you and that should mean a lot, you must have good in y ou.) But with those close to you, you can expect them to be stubborn and require you to go above and beyond to gain there trust back. You don't need drugs or alcohol and you know they only ruin your life and should not be an alternative to dealing with pressure and pain.

Best thing you can do is to do things for yourself, if you never got a college degreee maybe go back to school for one. I am sure with the publicity you can bring to it some college will give you a full scholarship, also you could do a reality tv show about it and make more money (I would suggest University at Buffalo). Make yourself happy and set yourself up on the right path and those people who are suppose to be "close" to you will fall right back in and appreciate you once again.

Good Luck and stay clean

Answer 3

It is my opinion that relationships mend like bones, over time. I don't really know much about your situation, though a quick google search gave me some idea what's going on if you are indeed Tara Conner. What I would say is that those who feel they've been wronged by you must have felt something for you or felt that they wanted something from you and somehow you've disappointed. You claim to have your life back on track. That's a good thing. Now follow through. If you prove through maintaining your current course that you are in fact honorable and responsible, only the most embittered will hold a grudge. And I can assure you, we've all been young and fooled around. Try not to dwell on guilt but also be honest with yourself. Do what you feel is right, giving in neither to the pressures of those who want you to be completely reckless and careless, nor those who want you to live a lie to maintain an image. Be you and be true and you will have your friends, be they the ones you had before, great new people that come along, or both. Cheers and best wishes.

Answer 4

Well, if it's any consolation, I don't keep up with the headlines of Miss USA, so I don't know what you've done or what mistakes you've made. All I know is that even Miss USA is human and is allowed to make mistakes. Maybe the competition penalized you because Miss USA is supposed to be a role model to America...but at the same time, the rest of us have no right to criticize you because before you were Miss USA, you were just another Jane on the street.

I don't know how this pageant works, but maybe you could speak with the highest authority figure and ask if you can take a few minutes of America's time to make a formal speech confronting and confessing whatever is on your heart to people. Whatever the situation is that you've gotten yourself into, make it heartfelt and genuine...and admit where you were wrong! There's no better role model than someone who can admit their mistakes publicly in all humility while they know there is no material gain to them! It would be best at the Miss USA pageant because that's where it began. It's also got to be public so all can hear...but make sure that if you do this, you clarify that you're not trying to steal publicity to the current/future Miss USA...you just want to own up to your mistakes and try to mend your relationships and your life again. There will be more people who will leave thinking "You know...that took guts...that's an honorable act for someone to publicly display"...than there would be for people to trash you. and if people trash you, then they've got their own trash that needs to be dumped out, because we're all human. Good luck former Miss USA 2006! I wish you the best life has to offer. If my advice doesn't help, may you at least know that there is one person on the face of this earth that is not consuming her thoughts and opinions on the deeds that you have done before. But I think you are a very honorable person right now just for posting such a heartfelt question that obviously has been a burden on your heart for quite some time now.

Answer 5

Ask the people to look with their own eyes at your present behavior and your daily accomplishments.
Remembering that everyone makes mistakes, some large some small. As some say, a person cannot be forgiven only once or any set amount of times. They must always be given another chance to be successful so they can be successful. Or do you want to be the reason a person did not succeed because you did not give them another chance?
Its most important for people to trust those who can over come the mistakes and learn from them, and not dwell on the bad events. Dwelling or recalling the bad events only delays a person's forward progress toward being happy and being successful in life. Every time a person repeats the words to tell about a bad event, they are causing the hurt to be repeated and hurts everyone who was involved in that unfortunate event. A person who has been hurt does not need to be "warned" about a bad event happening again or what caused it to happen the previous time.
They need encouragement about what they have recently accomplished toward being happy. Fans listen to actions not words. Be a volunteer to those who need volunteers. After you have worked along side another volunteer long enough you will receive the trust you seek from everyone and continue your volunteer work for the rest of your life. Set a role model by actions not words. Let them see your good works. If you have to endure hardships, then do it gracefully and willingly. Remember this phrase- Pay It Forward! Find the movie it came from and your will understand why.

Answer 6

I'm not sure what you did to cause problems in your past but I do know Trust is given out easily until the trust is broken. Once trust is broken or lost it can take a very long time to regain it back.

If I were you I would look at the things you've done to lose the trust. Chances are this was not the first time otherwise you would have been forgiven. Or maybe this was something big you did and now not only are they hurting and feeling betrayed but you are in a cloud of constant guilt.

1) Forgive yourself and think about what you should have done.

2) A heart felt apology should be given to all those involved

3) Keep in contact with those people so they can see with time that you are trustworthy.

4) Help people in need by donating time to help the less fortunate. I say this because when you help those in need out you start to think about others instead of yourself. After a period of time you will be a much better person and people will notice.

5) Give them time to develop the trust again, give yourself time to realize that what you lost was trust and that you maybe blessed that you haven't lost much more then that.

I hope this helps and I wish you will be forgiven and become a better person because of what happened.

Answer 7

When you make a mistake, the first rule of thumb is admitting you made the mistake. This is a good show of character and a way to prove to others that you know you were in the wrong and are fully committed to accepting whatever consequences come your way.
Next, accept the consequences with grace and dignity. Self-pity and a 'high-horse' never helped in my opinion; God knows I've had my share of mistakes. After you've made amends with yourself and have learned from what you did, you've already grown as a person! Now you're ready to move on and rebuild the relationships around you that were affected.
Trust is a touchy thing; once you lose it, its hard to get back. Most people define trust as the glue that holds a relationship together, whatever the level of relationship may be. You may go months, even years before a person fully trusts you again. But that's OK. Remember to be true to yourself and be the person you are.
If the people affected by the happenings truly value and love you, they will see the change and your willingness to make things right.

Answer 8

Create a list of why you want the friendship to go back the way it was. It doesn't have to be a large list, nor does it have to be on paper. A couple of ideas as to why you want to keep the relationship is good enough.

Realize that the friendship will never be exactly the same. It may become stronger because of your ability to move forward, stay the same or it may become worse.

Speak with the person who has offended you. Be honest about what you feel and what you need from the other person to move forward. It might be a good idea at this stage to discuss the lists that you have drawn up in the previous sections. For example, sometimes a simple apology is all that is needed; however, a return of an item or an agreement as to when money will be paid back may also be necessary.

Other times you may need the person to prove to you that you can trust them again. Allow them to and give back trust when you feel they've deserved it.

Allow yourself the time to heal. You may feel hurt for a while even after you have forgiven the other person. This is a normal part of the process and in time you will be able to move forward.

Answer 9

admitting you made the mistake. This is a good show of character and a way to prove to others that you know you were in the wrong and are fully committed to accepting whatever consequences come your way.
Next, accept the consequences with grace and dignity. Self-pity and a 'high-horse' never helped in my opinion; God knows I've had my share of mistakes. After you've made amends with yourself and have learned from what you did, you've already grown as a person! Now you're ready to move on and rebuild the relationships around you that were affected.
Trust is a touchy thing; once you lose it, its hard to get back. Most people define trust as the glue that holds a relationship together, whatever the level of relationship may be. You may go months, even years before a person fully trusts you again. But that's OK. Remember to be true to yourself and be the person you are.
If the people affected by the happenings truly value and love you, they will see the change and your willingness to make things right.

Answer 10

Tara, all you can do is call a "do over," to yourself and say, "I'm giving myself a second chance. What others do or say is not within my control." Then start all over behaving the way you wished you had before the poop hit the fan, and maintain that responsible, sensible, rational behavior until people get the hint that you're a new person.

There will be those boneheads who love to rub people's noses in their pasts, but to those you say, "That's all water under the bridge and I will not apologize for the rest of my life for things I did when I was young and crazy. I've let it go. I'd appreciate it if you would too."

You can't force people to trust you but you can show them a new Tara and after a while, if they don't start treating you with the respect you show others and the tolerance you deserve, then they aren't worth making a big effort to sway back your way. You can decide then whether you want to cut them from your life or wait until they get over whatever they're still gnawing on where you are concerned.

Everybody makes mistakes, sweetie. Look at Lindsay Lohan and Britney. But they still have fans. However, friends and family are different. They really shouldn't be as "fair weather" a friend as a fan is. If fans can forgive and forget ... family and friends shouldn't hold a grudge either. If they do, then they have a pretty weak character and don't deserve you either. If they're only there for you in the good times ... then what does that say about them? I would suggest they live in glass houses as well.

Hang in there, Tara. In five years from now your life will be somewhere else wonderful and exciting and different. Time heals all wounds, don't forget. Just give yourself time.

Warmest regards,
Katherine
XO

Answer 11

You are young.....well compared to me you are...LOL. Youth is a time for making mistakes and yes some will haunt you. What you did was not necessarily one that was done maliciously or with the intent to harm anyone....unfortunately you found out long after the fact that someone had taken photos of you before you became so famous and published them. The public will accept you for who you are and not because you were MIss America or Miss Suntan Lotion or even if you had never won a pageant. This is not something that will happen overnight......You are intelligent and have learned a very valuable lesson in what you have gone through. I do applaud you for coming forward and admitting that yes you did do wrong. I also applaud Donald Trump for standing behind you as well. Keep your chin up and look the world in the eye and tell everyone that you are the best person you can be and then prove it.