I think my wife is Bi-Curious...what next?

Question

True Story:

My wife and I have been married for almost a year. When I first met her, she was an “ugly duckling” not that she was just flat out ugly; she is a beautiful woman, but she lacked the self-esteem to “show” herself off.

Now that she is opening up (blossoming) and becoming a more outgoing person, she’s shared with me a growing attraction to other women. While she will adamantly deny being lesbian or even bisexual, she’s told me of women that she finds attractive.

She informed me of one woman in particular, a married co-worker of hers that she can’t help but get turned on when she sees her.

We’ve often fantasized together about her and other women (lesbian/threesome/orgy), and she’s enjoyed it every time. Last week, upon getting her approval, last week I got some Lesbian videos (realistic/not over the top/tasteful) and we watched them together. She enjoyed it immensely (and I’m not ready to complain either :-).

While we are making love, I’ll talk dirty to her about other women. Sometimes they are doing her, sometimes she’s doing them, sometimes we’re doing them- irregardless of the story/fantasy- she enjoys fantasizing about other women and (as of last week) she also enjoys lesbian porn.

I’ve asked her about arranging a meeting between her and another woman- she opposes the idea. But I am genuinely concerned that she is limiting herself because she fears loosing me. We’ve all but contacted another woman for a one-night-stand. We’ve talked about it, she’s fantasized about it, we’ve even watched it- but she still claims that her desires are fantasy-only.

I believe her, but I also know my wife is still discovering who she really is. She’s changed so much since we’ve met, and I’m wondering if she’s finding a part of her that she’s not so ready to accept. I want to continue to encourage and support her but at the same time, I don’t want her to see this as something that I’m driving for.


Is this something I should continue to encourage?
Any guys out there who have been in my situation?
Any girls experience what my wife is experiencing?

Answer 1

Wow! That was a long and detailed question and I can certainly see that you are excited about the prospect of your wife being bisexual. Did you ever think that maybe she sees how excited you get as well? What I mean is she must enjoy you getting really worked up and excited about her being bisexual and I am sure that there are bonuses in the lovemaking when you are that excited. Maybe under it all that is what she really enjoys, the tangeable effect that it has on your and her time together. If you take yourself out of the equation would you be as excited? If you weren't planing on being there and your wife never told you about her encounters with another woman would it matter to you if she was bisexual? We all might from time to time say things that gets our partner worked up but that we don't in fact have any real interest in doing. If you got worked up and excited by my telling you that I wanted to turn you over my knee and spank you because you were being a bad boy, I would probably tell you that I wanted to do that regularly as part of our foreplay. The truth is though that spanking, whether giving or receiving, has never been any kind of a turn on for me, but getting my lover turned on and excited is a BIG turn on for me. So if I can do that with a few simple words without ever having to paddle his bare-*** then you better bet that is what I will do for him and for me. In short your wife may be doing the same thing with you and the talk about her being bisexual. There is no harm in it as long as you both enjoy it. If you want to be truly supportive of your wife's full understanding of her sexuality than I would lay off the pressure you seem to be exerting towards living out, what is clearly, your fantasy of being in a threesome with two women. Tell her that if she wants to explore her bisexuality that you will be supportive in whatever way that you can and let her know it won't change the way you feel about her in any way.

Answer 2

It's difficult for a woman to take the step from dreaming or thinking about being with another woman to actually doing it. Your best bet is to encourage her, indulge in her fantasies as far as she'll let you, but don't overdo it. If you push too hard on this, she'll start thinking you're only interested because it involves you having a chance to be with another woman, guilt-free. I would suggest that you just support her in whatever decisions she makes concerning her sexuality, and be patient. Talk about what you want and how you feel about the situation, and encourage her to do the same. If she has already come this far in finding her sexual side, I would bet there's more to come.

Good luck and I hope that helps!

Answer 3

Wow...you really took a lot of time to lay all of that out for us. lol. Well the least i can do is give you my opinion. Stop pushing it onto your wife. She has said no a couple of times now. Yes its clear that she may be attracted to women, but she may not be ready to make it an actual phsycial thing yet. It may be a mental thing, it may be that she honestly just doesnt want to share you OR herself with anyone else. Just dont force it on her. Let her come around to it if she's going to. It may backfire on u if you keep the pressing the issue. She'll either blow up on u or she may experiment with women and LOVE it so much that she wont be able to stop!!!

Answer 4

Listen to her. She said her desires are fantasy only. Who knows, maybe it will change in the future but I don't think you should be the one to nurture those feelings. You are doing the right thing by being supportive and that is the role you should continue to play. If she does have other, deeper feelings about women then she will figure that out in her own time. But remember, be careful what you wish for. ;)

Answer 5

What men need to understand is when their wife, girlfriend, lover (or whatever) tells them that she is having these thoughts or fantasies and wants to act on them... it doesn't mean we have lost any sort of feelings, passion, etc. for you- but we want the best of both worlds. You know how us woman are... we can never be satisfied. Let her have her experiences without you first, then if she wants you to join in she will let you know. Sounds to me that you may not ONLY have a bisexual wife... but maybe even a swinger! Would it bother you if she wanted to sleep with another man?!? These are questions you need to be asking yourself. If you wont let her sleep with another man, why would she let you join in with another woman?!? The relationship can get sticky when you get into this lifestyle, be sure its worth it.

Answer 6

Just encourage her to be herself. Society puts such limits on sexual experiences and relationships that we actually talk ourselfs into it being wrong. If your woman wants to experience sex with another woman than make sure you are there to support her, listen and talk with her about it and make sure you and her are both comfortable. I think the reason why there are so many divorces on this earth is because we are not open about our sexual desires.

Answer 7

For a lot of people there's a BIG difference between fantacy and reality. Just because she enjoys thinking about it does NOT mean she actually wants to do it. I would stop asking her about setting up and meeting since she said no and just continue to indulge the fantacy if it's somethiing you enjoy too.

Answer 8

Sometimes women just have fantasies.And sometimes they are just better being a fantasy then happening.Its great that your supportive of her.Could be she is worried that a threesome will turn into something more.Or maybe she is just exploring something with you.There could be so many things.