my boyfriend always expects me to clean the house! Yes he works and work hard. But so do I, and when i say?

Question

something about it, he gets all pissy. I can leave hima list- be gone for 4 hrs, and he will accomplish 1 thing. Now if I did that , he might say something or ***** about it. we have been together almost 3 yrs, and somehow i have become his damned maid. I dont mind doing ti, as long as he doesnt ask in a demeaning way. Any advice? Anyone know how to take care of this little problem? Any advice it good! Thanks

Answer 1

I've got a suggestion. Move out. You don't have to be his maid. If he wants to live like a slob and treat you bad, find someone else. It will get worse when/if you get married.

Answer 2

I'm actually kinda of in the same situation as you. My day begins at 4:00am for work, I get home around 6:30pm and have a list of things that need to be done, while my wife who doesn't have a job, and whose day doesn't start before 7:00 am, but she does take care of the kids, kind of relaxes to put it nicely. I finally got fed up and let her know that I wasn't thinking that this was fair, so we worked out a weekly chore list, there are chores I do and chores she does, and then we trade off every two weeks, so that we both cover all the chores. A relationship of three years should give you a pretty good look at how things will be when and if you marry this man, if he is not willing to change now, it won't get any better after marriage. Just be honest with him on your feelings, if he really cares about you then he will try to adjust. After all your not his maid but his equal partner.

Answer 3

My fiance and I have pretty much set aside Sunday as the day when we both clean the whole apartment (well, everything that has to be done, like laundry and dishes and picking up). Since we agreed to devote time on Sundays to this, he knows he doesn't really have an excuse not to help, and he's already had the weekend off and can't complain about being tired for work. Maybe you guys can agree to do most stuff together one day on the weekend. The only thing is, I would try to avoid leaving him a list of things to do...it might make him feel like a kid who has a list of chores to do and he'll get bitter about it. You can try mentioning what needs to be done, but you know how guys are, and you probably won't come home to a clean house. Instead of telling each other to get stuff done or leaving lists, try having a set time to do the bulk of the work together. Good luck :)

Answer 4

Don't give him a list. Try to get him to talk about how HE would like the chores divided. Some negotiation about who is responsible for what might help. Then, if he doesn't follow through just walk around the mess. Let the dishes pile up or the laundry or whatever. Natural consequences, babe! It works every time. If he wants clean clothes he will eventually find his way to the washing machine.
Also, if you want his help don't criticize the WAY he does things. If you don't like the way he folds towels then you are taking back the responsibility for yourself.
If he's just so messy that you can't stand it...well then you'll have to make a decision.

Answer 5

The solution is simple. Clean up only the mess you make. Do your own laundry and nothing else. Make your side of the bed. After a few days he will tire of this and then you can open the lines of communication to get some more help around the house. You are in a relationship and all relationships are give and take, 50/50. Tell him if he wants you to clean like a maid, then you want to be paid like one.

Answer 6

OK you are just ventilating, shut up sit down and write down everything about him that pisses you off. Then remember he's only your boyfriend, that can change. Do you want to be right or alone?? This is a man/woman issue. They are men, we are women. Unless you find an obsessive compulsive man (which will drive you crazy cleaning all day and all night) men do not normally CARE about cleaning the house. They would rather go out and put their hands in a 55 gallon drum full of boiling cleaning solution to wash their truck. Tell him he is taking care of himself from now on. Anything that is in your way goes in a garbage bag (this works for kids too) You do not cook for him, do his laundry or have sex until he grows up and asks like a man. Tell him he is living with a woman not his mother. And stop screaming it hurts you way worse than him.

Answer 7

We each have our own histories & ideas of how things should be. And sometimes when we couple with another we just assume.......Just because Dad could fix the dishwasher doesn't mean your guy knows the difference between a socket wrench & a monkey wrench.

I would venture to say that your guy thinks that house work is "woman's work". You need to sit down calmly & have a serious talk; but he may just not see. You need to decide that since you work outside the home if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. I'd venture that all the child care would be your responsibility as well.

Answer 8

You shouldn't leave him a list. He hates that. Do like the others have said. Clean together. Divide work. Tell him to stop being such as A**. You understand he works hard and you clean because you like to live in a clean environment but your not an animal that needs to hear his s***t. If he works longer hours than you need to be understanding, but if he's just lazy tell him you get tired too, some help would be nice. A guy who helps in a relationship is playing equals. tell him to get off his rag.

Answer 9

My house and I have duties....He cleans the kitchen..Trash, and bathroom. I do the laundry and pick up the little things..We actually have a set day that we clean together and then cook a meal after we are done cleaning.. Try to make it not work for him..I found out if doing it together will help alot more...because then he doesn't feel like a maid too..

Answer 10

Well I clean the house for My boyfriend Also And All I ask him to do is take out trash Simple Huh? Wrong!!!! We argue Over It SO I have come to the Conclusion That All Men Do this. But Listen I have Came up with a way to get them to do What you want them to do With out them even Knowing it. Don't Ask Him Do do anything Just Leave it there and he will do it. Hope this helps

Answer 11

Here's the way my husband and I split up the housework..

if you both work the same amount of hours, you split the chores evenly.
if one person works less hours than the other, then the on ewho works less does a little bit more of the chores.
And
If only one works, the other takes care of the chores.

That is really the only "fair" way to do it, I mena, if you both mess up the house clean after yourselves, but you can't be expected to do everything if you are spending 8 hours outside the house too.