so mixed up..help please?

Question

My girlfriend and I have had some problems lately. We've been together a year now, and the last month or two we have been arguing almost every day. We have talked about getting married before this started, and we still do, but I am not happy right now, actually, miserable.
Our fights are usually about how I stay up when she goes to sleep, and she doesn't get to sleep next to me, about a lack of me paying attention to her, and sometimes when I drink at night (<---understandable). The thing that makes it so bad is she doesn't say a word when she is mad, but i know she is, and it makes me just as mad at her that she won't talk to me about it. We took a short break about a week ago, but everything seemed even better when got back, but it's going downhill again. I love her, and I want to be with her the rest of my life, but not if it makes me this depressed and miserable all the time. Also, on a sidenote, we just moved in with another female who is her friend, threes a crowd huh

Answer 1

If her nagging is driving you to drink, then this is not healthy. And now, she's moved her gf in with you guys? Don't you feel a bit ganged up on?

It is very important in these situations, to ask oneself, "What do I hope to gain from this action?" Does she think berating you about not coming to bed when she does will make you cheerfully jump in the sack? Perhaps she'd do better to pick a different approach to luring you into the bedroom...

However, you can't change her, only yourself. I agree with the other answerer that your girl's girlfriend needs to go at the least. As you said, three is a crowd.

Answer 2

1. You are an idiot. If you are miserable with her now, why the hell would you choose to spend the rest of your life that way. Even worse, your odds of a divorce are SKY HIGH... why would you want to put yourself through that!?!?!?!

2. You are an idiot (again). She has already told you what her problem is, but you can't see the forrest for the trees. You aren't spending enough quality time with her. Turn off your stupid *** TV, put a lid on your bottle, and hang out with her. That's what she wants!!!

3. You are an idiot (yet, again). Why the hell would you accept another female to move in with you both?

4. You are an idiot (yes, again). You know she's mad, it makes you mad, and let me guess... you don't say a thing about it either... You are just as bad as her!!!!

5. Good luck.. hope you find a way to make this all work out.

Answer 3

I know what she's talking about, women tend to dream and picture this perfect relationship inside our heads and when our expectations don't meet our reality we tend to argue all the time thinking that's the best way to fix it (but usually we come to this point after given hints and talks that things needs to be change). My opinion is that when she argues with you a lot means that she already waist all her startegies to make you understand that something is wrong. About you staying awake while she asleep is a crucial no, don't do it she's going to feel left out and I think that explains the presence of her friend in your apt. Get rid of the room mate, talk to each other, confrontate your issues, change the routing, and if you really love each other seek christian counseling before saying I do. Remember once your marry is forever, chances to marry a divorce guy are not the same as a guy that never been marry before. If you really love her and if she really loves she'll agree to get rid of her friend and seek some godly counsel on how to make this relationship work! For now try to involve her in your activities or do something that you both like to do, bring home a nice card and a rose for suggesting things will be better and above all apoligize for not given the attention she deserves. I hope this helps!

Answer 4

Sounds like you have a decision to make. Think back to what got you together, why you moved in together and then to why your interests are so different.

Can you recapture the early days - do you want to?

Sounds like both of you need to sit down and talk about this. Whilst it is not nice to break up it is also not nice and causes far more heart ache in the end if you just carry on the way you are doing. Having a third party there is no help at all.

You either have to rebuild what you had and get back to just two of you or leave the two of them!!!

Answer 5

Oh, this doesn't sound good, dude, could just be a red flag of what is to come. Time for you just to move out and live on your own. Maybe keep dating her, that's up to you. But see if her attitude changes at all; you don't need this grief, as you describe. Having a woman should enhance your life and make it more wonderful and happy - not drag you down. Maybe you just have the wrong one.

Answer 6

Yes, three is a crowd; this cannot be good for the relationship. And, people need to consider not only their happiness, but their partner's happiness as well. She's letting you know that she wants you to get closer to her, and she wants to be close to you too. That's a good thing. Now, if you don't agree with what she wants or appreciate it, perhaps you two aren't ready for marriage.

Answer 7

well i think that she is just being dumb about sleeping next to you and that stuff but i know about the being mad and not talking thing. When I get mad I like to not talk to my husband because I just want to be mad for a bit. My husband had to learn that the hard way like you are now. Just leave her alone for a while and let her be mad and she will eventually calm down and then you should try talking to her. Trust me it works.

Answer 8

Don't even consider getting married until the two of you learn how to communicate with each other.

I suggest reading the book The Five Love Languages.

Answer 9

i know this will be hard to do but i think that you should move on and be done with her you dont need her if she won't talk to you when she is mad because the key to a sucessful relationship is talking about and resolving problems when you have them, you dont want to be with someone who is going to make you feel down and miserable all your life, do you? Believe me you will find someone else who you will be much happier with.

Answer 10

um i don't know why any couple would move in with someone else? thats the most alarming part of ur question...i suggest u both move out or tell the friend to. maybe ur girl thinks u stay up late cuz of the other girl. anyway just give ur girlmore attention.just say ur sorry for making her feel whatever way she is feeling and show her u love her. lol i know its annoying answer...but if u dont acknowledge whats bothering her she is gonna keep nagging and being bi***y until u actually hear and listen...after that trust me everything will be aight.