I would like to tell my husband that I am still thinking about my ex. I do not wish to hide anything from him. I hate the thought of not being able to be truthful. I had betrayed his trust once, I hope to start afresh and not hide anything from him anymore. I hope to tell him that I still need some time to get over that guy, but I am worried that I might hurt him. We had given much thoughts on the decision to get married. We both knows that I had not really gotten over my ex at the point of our marriage. We were married for less than 6 mths and now, this ex of mine is staying so so near to us, giving me so much unhappiness! I know my husband loves me a lot, and honestly, I love him too. I thought I should tell him what is in my mind and work things out together but I am too afraid to hurt him. What should I do?
2007-03-22 06:24:26 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly, I don't see any good coming from telling your husbnd that you're thinking of your ex. Moreover, if you're thinking of your ex...something is obviously wrong with your marriage. Are you thinking fond memories? Are yo romaticizing over him? Do you find yourself wishing the two of you were still together? If the answer to any of those questions is "yes", then I think you need to re-evaluate your marriage, and perhaps talk to a therapist to see WHY you are thiking about your ex. I think about my ex'es, but its never more than a fleeting thought, and I'm sure that most of us have an ex cross our minds here and there. But if you find it happening ALL the time, and if you're daydreaming, rather than having a passing thought about him, then there is something TRUELY wrong.
I think telling him about this would be shaking up a hornet's nest. Instead, I would make an appt. with a counselor and talk to them an try to get to the bottom of what is causing you to think about your ex so much. I can appreciate your desire to want to be open and honest with your husband, but I do believe that there are somethings that should be kept to one's self...now if you CANNOT sto thinking about your ex and you think your marriage is suffering because of it, he will sense that something is wrong and then you should tell him. But I would first try to work it out on my own, if I were you...
Good luck!
2007-03-22 06:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by ♥♥Mrs SSG B♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not say anything to your husband. This is something you need to work out for yourself. If you love your husband and he loves you spend all this energy on your marriage. If you belonged with the ex you would be married to him but for what ever reason you gave up on that relationship and married your husband. A marriage cannot survive with one person pining over an ex so you better make up your mind if you want yours to survive. If you don't then talk to your husband about a divorce if you want this ex that badly you will be free to go back to him your husband deserves better than this. He deserves you 100% in the marriage or 100% out of it at this point the choice is yours.
2007-03-22 14:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by shannactmr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty!
My wife cheated on me with her EX and it almost got her divorce! You a swimming in deep water right now and if you violate his FAITH in you again then i would assume he'll divorce you as well!
My wife and I practice "HONESTY" only at our home and we been together 16 years now.
We work together on anything that could threaten put marriage together,as a team, and no B.S. is allowed!
This is how you should tell husband.
"Honey I love only but my ex is making things very difficult for me to think clearly"!
Then get a restraining order against the EX, and make it clear he's never to contact you again!
You in a marriage no on the play ground, you made a commitment no honer it or move on, and let husband find someone who will be faithful to him!
And you can opportunity to GROW UP!
you EX. and you divorce huh, do you think the problem has gone away?
do you really want to be with a man who will cheat, and someday "WILL" cheat on you?
I said it before GROW UP NOW!
2007-03-22 13:40:52 · answer #3 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work it out yourself. He has no need to know your feelings. He is not the one to help you with this. You will only hurt him, to satisfy your own needs, which is selfish. It will also cause long term problems in your marriage that are unforeseen to you now. Again, this is your problem alone and you must handle. Thats not to say that if you are close with your mom or a friend ( be careful of this one though) that you couldn't talk with them about it and have them help you through your feelings. But your husband is not the one to do it. I understand not wanting to keep anything from him, but this is one thing you should. Look to the long run, when you work through those feelings for your ex and you are over him. It will always be a thorn for your husband and in your marriage. Not to mention you will then bare the scrutiny of where you are and what you are doing, even when you are not going or are doing anything to be back with your ex. Please take caution.
2007-03-22 13:33:23 · answer #4 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you should not tell him- it will hurt him very much since you have betrayed him once already. You need to figure out your feelings and either stay with your husband and get over your feelings for your ex- while not thinking about him or having contact with him or separate from your husband.
2007-03-22 13:41:18 · answer #5 · answered by NLH823 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But I beg you to do everything you can to move past your ex. You made a committment to this new man and he deserves your all. I think you should tell him. It will be a weight off your chest, however, a weight onto his. If he is a strong person, he will appreciate your honesty and try to help you get past it. If he is a little weak emotionally, it may be too much for him to handle...so it depends. I think you need to be honest as much as possible, because your marriage will fail without it.
2007-03-22 13:36:02 · answer #6 · answered by sickblade 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you still think about your ex you are not completly over him Sounds like your husband was your rebound guy and now you are stuck in the middle. Counselling is probably your best bet. Good luck.
2007-03-22 13:50:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok look at it this way, you want to be honest. To him or to yourself. Do you want to tell him because then your guilt will be satisfied? What about his feelings? Telling him will only damage the situation. Spend more time thinking on how you can move ahead properly in your mairrage, not about your past regrets.
2007-03-22 15:19:39 · answer #8 · answered by Shootsscores 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's good you don't want to hurt him but do not tell him you have no idea what kinda damage that could cause just DO NOT purse anything with your ex. it will crush him
2007-03-22 14:33:33 · answer #9 · answered by nikie_atkinson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not tell hubby..
Try not to think of ex..
Do not contact, see or speak to ex...
Avoid ex like the plague...
Concentrate on making your marriage work and
being a good wife...
2007-03-22 13:58:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋