He doesn't have a job. He doesn't have a place to live. His house is 5 hours away and he is in the process of moving up here, but its been about 3 - 4 months that he has been without a job and living out of his car. He gives me no space at all or any alone time. I understand he is alone all day while I work, and he wants to spend time when I get off, but I need time to myself also. We haven't had sex in a while, and thats my fault cause I never feel like it. He yells at me all the time about that. But in addition to all of this we fight constantly, we can't communicate, and nothing seems to be getting any better. He wants me to get pregnant right now, and he doesn't understand that I won't get pregnant until he has a steady job, income, and a place to live, which seems reasonable to me. And what really is setting me off now is that he forgot to pick up my son from pre-school last night because he fell asleep (which isn't a valid excuse.) What am I suppose to do... stay, wait, leave?
2007-03-22 06:23:05 · 10 answers · asked by TOO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He doesn't live with me because I live with my grandma and my Dad, and they will not let him live there. I can't afford to move out on my own, and I was going to move in with a roommate until he got a job and money to support a place, but he screamed at me about that, so I live just stayed at my house, and he lives no where.
2007-03-22 06:36:58 · update #1
give him options and then if he dont do it then request a "seperation" until he gets things together
2007-03-22 06:27:47 · answer #1 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How does he have a house and a car but no job? Was it like this when you got married? He could be depressed which would require a doctor's help. However definitely do not get pregnant because your relationship isn't stable enough to make a safe place for a child. What to do comes down to what your history has been like, what you are willing to put up with and if both of you can develop communication skills. It sounds like you need to go back to practicing basic communication, i.e. one makes an "I" statement rather than a "you" statement, and then the other person restates that and then you let them know if that is what you are trying to say, and then you take turns doing that so that you truly understand what is actually being said. It also means figuring out what both of your expectations for each other, your relationship and yourself. Likewise sex is never just one person's fault. In a marriage relationship, it is important for it to be occuring in a safe and trusted state of being. If you don't trust each other, and do not respect each other than sex will not help it, and likely will make it worse b/c he will likely view it as his right or you as being easily seduced and you will feel disgusted, ashamed or angry over it because the other issues are not resolved. There is much more going on here that requires counselling and a lot of effort. An internet post will not fix what is not working, but hopefully this helps you in a more healthy direction.
2007-03-22 13:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by oakbug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, time to play the ultimatum game!!
You've played the waiting game, 3-4 months is long enough to move and get a job. If he can't respect your feelings about needing space and support, then it sounds like he's living off of you. The fact that he wants you to get pregnant feels like he's trying to trap you somehow, and if I were you I'd really watch out for this type of behavior.
As for whether to leave or not... that's really a choice you'll have to make. If you think there is hope for the relationship, then tell him that enough is enough, and you won't support him like this any more. Give him 30 days to find a job and move, or else you'll file for divorce. If that doesn't get him moving, then you should leave.
Also, why is his house 5 hours away? You are probably fighting because of all the stress, but you need to put your son first. If he's not being a good father on top of all this, then that should be all the motivation you need to get his butt in gear.
good luck, I hope it works out for you.
2007-03-22 13:30:43 · answer #3 · answered by ski4ever1977 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, aren't you married?!?!? So shouldn't you guys live together? I have never heard of a marriage where the couple lives separate so why does he need to find a place to live? Isn't your place big enough for him to move in? It could be me but I am confused here with the whole living arrangement.
Second, I agree that he needs to get a job and support his family. He should be actively looking rather than sitting on his butt all day long.
Lastly, maybe you guys aren't meant to be together. If you fight all the time and you aren't attracted to him enough to have sex with him then maybe it isn't meant to be. But that should be found out before you guys have kids together. You both need to make sure that you both know what you want out of the relationship and if it is even worth pursuing this relationship any further.
2007-03-22 13:30:29 · answer #4 · answered by benz s55 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
And you married this guy why?
Seriously speaking, he has some issues. One is he's acting like he's your son's age. It sounds like you are raising two children. Unless he matures a bit, you're going to keep having these problems. And you're right, having a child will not solve anything, it will only complicate things. You two could try marriage counseling, maybe the counselor can gently push him toward maturity.
2007-03-22 13:27:53 · answer #5 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't recommend divorce often, but this guy doesn't seem to be on your maturity level. He needs to do quite a bit of growing up to be a good husband or father.
2007-03-22 13:29:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do women meet, fall in love, and ultimately stay with men like this???
2007-03-22 13:28:17 · answer #7 · answered by Devdude 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
WHY are you with this person? He has nothing to offer you, literally. Find someone who has more to offer you...
2007-03-22 14:08:50 · answer #8 · answered by bahjij6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, and I thought I had problems.
2007-03-22 13:48:05 · answer #9 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE
2007-03-26 13:23:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋