EMO - My Son - What the heck is this??

Question

Son - 14 - bio. father in prison for setting home on fire, gets out of prison with 2 weeks after 9 years, Son has been acting out for the last 6 or so months, grades dropping, constantly in trouble, asking me about being EMO, cutting himself, depressed, cries allot, hates the world and himself, we are spending more time with him, doing more things as a family, I don't know what to do, at what point do I seek help. To top it all off, there are rumors of his bio. father and paternal grand parents trying to take him to live with them, are you serious? What is a mother to do, let him go and figure it out on his own or not allow it? For the record, before you give a line of crap that it's a phase and to back off, I have 2 older children, 18 girl who's a senior and a wonderful daughter, no trouble, problems, good in school etc and a son almost 17 who's got good grades, into sports, healthy living etc and doing awesome. They both had phases but not like this. Middle Children and the troubles!

Answer 1

It's a phase. Most people will grow out of it. Just watch the cutting though. Most "emo" kids do it to show off to their friends. Cutting is like a bragging right among people who believe themselves to be emo. For the most part, all you can do is go along with it and accept it (unless you feel that he is a threat to himself or others). As long as he's not putting himself in harms way, just let him do his thing. As for the grades, start limiting his privledges. No going out, no seeing friends. (It'll be tough to carry out, but that's what being a parent is.) You're taking some great steps (i.e., doing things as a family). Next, just make sure he KNOWS you're ok with how he chooses to live. (And, if you want, go ahead and TELL him that if he ever needs someone to talk to, you are more than willing to help him find someone, even if the person isn't you.) Keep a close eye on him, if you feel he is starting to become a danger, SEEK HELP! You know your child and should be able to sense a drastic change in mood/personality. Oh, and don't worry about his dad trying to get custody. I highly doubt a court would give custody to a parent that has been in jail for a good majority of the child's life. (Especially when you have two other children that are perfectly happy.)

Answer 2

I'm not an expert but I would go ahead and seek professional help. A child evaluater would be perfect. sounds like he may have alot of bottled up anger PLUS you have to remember he is also going through puberty right now so his entire world is coming at him in 100 different directions. I wouldn't chance it if he is physically hurting himself. Does he know that they are threatening custody? Maybe this had freaked him out. This man really is no one to him in the sense that he couldn't possibly really know him if he has been in prison for 9 of his 14 years. That means that last he knew of him he was 5 or so. Get him some help right away. Good Luck.

Answer 3

First of all the fact that the biological father was in jail for a felony he can not get custody of your son, visits yes, but that's it. Second get him to a child psychologist, they will find out whats going on with your son and what can help. Time with him may make him feel OK for the moment but later when he's alone he'll start the feelings again. So take him to get the help its best for him. Also don't worry about the felon father, he can't get your son. Good luck and i hope he gets better.

Answer 4

Sounds like first of all your son has some pretty great siblings to live up to, so if he can't be perfect he will just stop trying and become EMO. this is my sis. she is little miss vampire and I was little miss homecoming queen. She looked up to me one day, and hated me the next. Try to be understanding, your son is going thru something, but you might not be able to get him out of it. You can put an end to cutting and stuff, but more than likely this is who he is now and you kinda gotta find a way to accept it (or at least pretend to) the more you control the more he will rebel. also, don't worry about your ex taking him, doesnt sound like he had a chance in hell of getting custody. And you can tell your son no he cannot go there to live. explain all the crap you put up with and all the stuff you do for him and all the love and drugery you do, only to have this freak waltz back into both your lives to say Daddy's home! and your son living with him is not only a slap in the face to you, but not safe for him. Then if that doesnt work just tell him no. Your the mom, you can do that. I really hope things get better for you guys, good luck!

Answer 5

Get to know what he likes to do. He is angry at the world because it has given him alot of problems. So if you take him somewhere where he is welcome and can have fun at the same time he'll feel alot better. He might be depressed because he feels like he is living in his siblings shadow. So he feels like he cant do anything good enough. Encourage him to do better in school, spend more time just with him not the whole family, you'll build a bond with him. Also, don't try to break any promises, or dissapoint him. That will keep him emotionally in touch with you.

Answer 6

It is really important to get your son some type of help. It is not normal nor is it a phase when children cut themselves. This is a sign that somethingis definitely not right.

Most EMO children are not truely depressed, in fact most have a healthy social life. The "I hate the world, woe is me attitude" is often a facade...

As a therapist myself, I have serious concerns over his health and safety. Please seek help for him...

Answer 7

I totally agree that it's not just a phase. If he's cutting himself and crying I really think you need to get him some professional help. It sounds like he has a lot to deal with right now and maybe he needs someone objective to talk with.
Don't try to make him change his appearance or music, just love him and be firm with him about seeing a counselor. He may not like it at first, but it could really help him.
Good luck to you - I really hope things work out for your boy.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's really having some trouble. I would suggest beginning therapy and see if that helps him any. It did my son alot of good to have someone he could talk to about things and not have to worry about anyone making fun of him or picking on him. Could be everything is just seeming like too much right now. Mom to 3.

Answer 9

Your son might be having probelms since his father has been jail in 9 years sometimes that most likely to happy because I went threw a goth phase in my 1st semester of middle school Have you went to the ph.d because most likely he might be bi-polar or even comit sucide so I think you should try to put him on anti-depressent (typo)

Answer 10

nlol.I am emo,did you know that emo realy does stand for emotional?It is not fun.I do cutt myself from time to time it is a way of cooping with things.Do you know why ppl cutt?Its lyk when you scrape your knee,then you get a bigger injurie,you focuse on the bigger injurie becouse it hurts more.In this case when you cut yourself it makes you focuse on the outside pain and distracts yu from the inside pain.Emo kids are realy depressed,and the kids that call themselves emo but are actually happy are just trying to get attention.