Who Comes First? HUBBY or Children?

Question

I'm tired of my Husband telling me that he should come first in my life and then it's our baby. I totally disagree with that. I think your kids should come first no matter what, then your husband. Am I the only one who feels this way?

He also thinks that I should come first then the baby. I rather him put the baby before me

Answer 1

Most - if not all - women who have had children feel that way. Kids first, all events surrounding kids second, results of having kids third, feeding and clothing kids fourth, driving kids around fifth, thinking about kids when they are not in the room sixth, shopping for shoes 7th, shopping for kid shoes 8th, shopping at Pottery Barn 9th.

And don't think we men don't know we are at *least* 10th on the list, if not lower. It's not a boo-hoo moment, but if we're ever vaguely melancholy, remember we are mourning the loss of sex as we know it if we want some alone time to slam down a few beers and watch ESPN.

Answer 2

Just like Dean posted, it is no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

Many people don't believe in God but the order is as follows:
1. God is the center of your household. 2. Your spouse. 3. Your children.

You are to nurture your children when you are raising them but by no means do the children come before your spouse. Your marriage/relationship is a work in progress each and every day. You can't let anything come between that. The time to work on your relationship is daily NOT when the kids are grown and gone. They can receive their parents love just the same but knowing that they are not put in front of the other parent. The greatest gift that we can give our kids is to show them how, we as parents, love each other so that they will know how to grow up and then treat their own significant other.

Hate to make it a right or wrong issue but your husband is right when he says that he should come first.

Answer 3

In Marriage you are joined together with and by God so the three corded rope makes the family strong. You work with your husband to make it all work. Husband loves wife and wife respects husband. Achieve mutual goals together. Then kids come along and can break up a marriage if you dont keep this premise throughout the raising of children. Then the children leave and you still have a devoted spouse and a person to grow old with. You cant leave the marriage to raise children.

Answer 4

Well, your spouse should come first as long as the children are being taken care of. The reason I say this is because if the parents aren't happy will the children be? Now, not to say if the child is crying or hurting that comes first, but in a marriage the spouse is first.

Answer 5

Your relationship with your husband should come first.

Of course, circumstances need to be taken into account, babies need food, help etc often.

But children should grow up in a home the bedrock of which is the love between their parents. They will grow up healthier in that environment then when they are put first.

One of the most important things you will do for your children is model for them what a healthy relationship looks like. They will live with you for 18 years, and then go create a copy (or series of copies) of your marriage which they will live in for another 60. Do them a favour and show them what a healthy, happy home is like.

Answer 6

Where mothers become confused about this issue is they don't seem to understand that no-one should come first all the time. Part of raising independant, caring children is to teach them that sometimes their needs do have have to come second to someone in greater need. This teaches them to be able to put their own needs second when they become parents. Do you want children to believe they are the center of the world or a member of the world?

Answer 7

I feel that the husband comes first and then the children as we marry and vow to love and be with our husbands til death do us part... The kids come afterwards and they grow up and leave home when they are adults. yes you should be loving and nurturing as a mother and help them to grow up in a loving and stable environment BUT what happens why they are up and gone and all you have left at home is your husband ... Where is your love for him then? You have to keep your love and marriage alive when the kids are growing up as well. The kids will grow up to have families of their own and more then likely marry someday as well. What happens to your marriage if you do not put any effort or love into it while the kids are growing up? The Bible even says that our spouse comes first and then our kids. The only reason you should not put your spouse above your kids is if the spouse is abusing or sexually abusing or harming your kids.

Answer 8

Wow....reading all these responses I know why the divorce rate is so high. Your spouse should always come first in your heart. You will always love your children and care for them but they are only on loan to you. It is your job to send them out into the world as the best people you can make them. I had three brothers and sisters and we all got married and moved out within 18 months if it wasn't for my dad my Mom would have gone crazy.

Answer 9

Hubby. I'm sorry you are wrong but YOU married your HUSBAND. Your kids are going to be gone some day and you'll be still with him. Kids need to know that Mommy and Daddy highly esteem each other and know that both of you are on the "same page". He is 100% completely and without a doubt RIGHT.

Answer 10

No. Your husband feels like most men though and you feel like most women. After the kid's are grown and out of the house though, your husband should come first.