My boyfriend was married for 24 years - admitedly 1/2 were good. Things went down hill and they were seperated for two 1/2 years before we met and they just went through a bitter divorce wherein he sacraficed just to get things over with. Yes they tried counseling, but nothing worked. After 24 years she wanted out and got what she wanted. Now she has the house, the car and because of the two years of personal hell she put him through, when he got hurt and needed time off from work, he got fired. We have been dating for 6 months and things between us are really good - I believe that with all my heart & so we patient & I am as supportive as I know how. I cannot come out and ask him - so maybe you people can help - about how long will it take before he is ready for a more solid comittment such as living together or marriage even. We have talked and know that we want a future - so I can wait - just curious as to when - ruff estimate?
2007-03-22 05:48:52 · 16 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This sounds like a no win situation for you. I'm trying to warn you about getting into this relationship and trying to go to the next level. It sounds so unhealthy. You are complaining about this man's past, like its your own. You can't fix him/his problems. Taking them on may be a big mistake. I think you should back up and let him meet you more than half way.
2007-03-22 06:15:04 · answer #1 · answered by ulovlee@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in a similar situation as yours ... notice the WAS. Because NOW we are very well on our way in creating a family of our own and is expecting our first child together!! IF he has been emotionally separated from the wife long before the actual marriage ended... he is definitely ready for you .. and a new life!!
Just do not cloud his thoughts and pressure him with questions. Be the continuous guiding light. Be the shoulder to cry on. Be the support he needs.... It will all pay off. If his life was miserable with the ex wife ... make his life wonderful with you. Make him realise that there is a better life ahead ...and that is with you.
All this you can do , if you truly love him.
going back to the ruff estimate..... give and take 2-3 years.
2007-03-22 06:01:21 · answer #2 · answered by aurearhea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can assume that you and your boyfriend are well past the 20's and the 30's so we are talking about adults here...You sound as if you have already answered your own question....He is not employed and has lost much to another marriage...he may still be in shock.....and probably the last thing he wants is to have to rely on someone else for support..ie you....Its just a man thing....
I too was married for 21 years and am now in a fantastic relationship....we have dated for a year and made a commitment of living together in Feb....I just decided to let things flow naturally and just show him how much I loved him and cared for him without pushing...and when he asked me to move in I was taken off guard...It has now been 21/2 months and we are finally getting use to it now I wait for the other big question...but I won't push....
Good luck to you...just show him how much you care with your actions...
2007-03-22 06:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by foxygirl29303 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say how long everyone is different. There is no specific time lines for these things, just be patient watch for the signs, and you will recognize the signs, then you will no when it's the right time to talk about living together or even marriage. If you love him you will be patient
2007-03-22 05:56:08 · answer #4 · answered by inmate3685 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you've been hurt as he has it's really difficult for that person to be ready to "move on". You need to give him space to make up his mind and to see if he really want's to be with you or if he is ok with being on his own. If i were in his position, after being married for 24 yrs and going through a bitter divorce, i'd wait a bit before i settled down again.
2007-03-22 05:55:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on him really,these things take time to get over as i am sure you know . do you ever still think of your first true love ?how long did it take you? still think about him once in awhile dont you!? 24 years is a long time to be with someone so i would say 6 to 8 months before moving in together a good couple of secure years with you and he should be ready to get hitched again ! i wish u all the luck miss Patience!
2007-03-22 05:55:07 · answer #6 · answered by gands4ever 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh geez. It took me over 2 years, but that was completely on my own. Now, I have met someone who is at the same point as your friend, she is wonderful but has not healed completely. I love her dearly and she kows that but needs to heal.
I can say you are in for a tough ride, if your friend is as great as mine, I guess it's all worth it. There's no set time limit, just do what needs to be done and you'll win.
Good luck and God Bless
2007-03-22 05:58:47 · answer #7 · answered by stratplayer1967 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want a rough estimate? You're not buying timber to build a house you know!
Everyone is different. He's in your life and you said yourself that you are both happy. Just enjoy the moment and stop worrying so much.
2007-03-22 05:53:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 years 7 months 18 days, 6 hours, 22 minutes and 5 seconds - synchronize your watches.
2007-03-22 05:55:23 · answer #9 · answered by Fester Frump 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way to determine how long it will take. I have been with a man for 10 sometimes wonderful years. He still will not marry me and says maybe before he dies. Unfortunately when a man goes through so much they keep it in their head and it never leaves. He may never decide to get remarried...are you willing to wait for him that long?
2007-03-22 05:54:10 · answer #10 · answered by globalystic1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋