Do you ever regret having a bi-racial baby? My friend confided to me that she does. Is this common?

Question

My female friend confided to me this weekend that she deep down wishes that her children were the same race as herself. She has 3 sons 9, 7 and 3 and their dad is black and she is white. She says that she loves her kids regardless of their color but she now regrets having children outside her race. She was in her teens when she had the first two, but has had many failed relationships with black men and she says that most white men won't date her and accept her kids. Is this a common feeling for people that have children outside their race but still love their kids? Will this feeling pass? I don't know what to say to her?

Answer 1

it's human nature to feel things that you dont want to feel ...be kind and remind her of her wonderful children and a man that will love her, will love her children and the ones that cant see past their color...are not worth her time!

Answer 2

I have a biracial son and I have never regretted it!! I do think that having biracial children takes more responsibility on the part of the parent to ensure the children are familiar with both cultures (especially in my case due to an absent father.) I know I have taken extra measures when moving, taking jobs, etc. because I want to be sure that we are in a diverse place where he wont feel like an outsider, but its not hard or anything. I have never nor would I ever regret it. He is a precious gift from GOD and far more important to me than any man I would want to date. Besides if a man can't accept me and my son, then he definitely isnt the kind of person I want to be associated with anyway.

I would just tell her that her children are her greatest blessing and any man who is worthy of her time will accept her and her kids. If a man wont, regardless of his race, then he isn't worth her precious time and doesn't deserve to be a part of her life. Plus, 3 kids can be intimidating to men regardless of the fact that they are mixed. So, it could be the number of kids that is throwing the men off, not their race. Either way any guy who really has a problem with her children should be quickly cut loose and shown the door.

Answer 3

That's not cool. I have a nephew who is black and white and i think i could not understand that. I wouldn't be able to since i don't have children. She probably wishes her kids were the same has her because of the possible racial discrimination she faces day to day. My family don't like my nephew because he is part white, and i could understand how bad it is being treated or talked about all the time and being wished dead by others. I don't know about my sister though. But it is hard. I do not think it is a common thing for everyone who has a bi-racial child. But really, she shouldn't feel that way. If she knew she was going to get pregnant she shouldn't have done so and used contraception. She should love her child and not have these wishes because they are unhealthy for her kids and it could break their confidence if she lets them know!

Answer 4

I will, for the first time since I joined Y!A, be serious.

She regrets that her children are mixed? Why? Can't she see beyond the color barrier? She didn't, I'm sure, regret the process that she used to make them, but if she had used protection, she wouldn't be having these feelings.

My son is mixed, and I love him to death. He is everything and I am proud to tell people that he is mixed. If a child's father is that proud, the Mother should be even prouder.

She should go talk to other people who have mixed children and see how they feel, then talked to the mixed children (that are in their late teens to early twenties) and see if they wish they weren't mixed.

Next time, she should get to know people. Yes, the feeling will probably pass, but she should be ashamed for feeling it.

Mutant

Answer 5

Be prepared to be called all kinds of names by people who don't understand where you are coming from. Damn them! What your friend is experiencing is not an uncommon thing and I would suggest she seek some help in regards to her emotions. For her kids sake, she should get help for this now or it will eat her up on the inside. Once again, do not even give those whom are saying mean and stupid things to you the time of day. Stand by your friends side and be a true friend. If she desires to date someone of her own ethnicity then why would that surprise people; even though she has dated outside of her ethnic group before? Doesn't matter. She will find someone who will accept her and her kids. I believe that. But for now she needs to deal with these emotions.

I wish you and your friend the best.

Answer 6

I have a bi-racial child... he's white and hispanic... although I regret his father I would never regret my son... my son looks nothing like me, he's the spitting image of his father... i'm really light skinned and he's a golden brown... I think your friend is just looking in the wrong place for a decent man... she should never use her children as an excuse for her failed relationships no matter what race they are... she needs to grow up...

Answer 7

I think your friend depends too much on what other people think of her. We live in a world today where society should accept everyone for who they are not what they are...that's why they call it America. If a white man doesn't want to be with her because her kids are mixed then he isn't someone she consider spitting on if he were on fire. She is judmental of herself because she fears everyone is judging her. Tell her that she is never going to find peace until she finds herself and stiops worrying what other people think. I know she loves her kids but she shouldn't regret having them and anyone who is going to judge her on the sole reason that her kids are mixed isn't deserving of her company in the first place. Tell your friend I wish her the best and she should read a lot in to what I have said.

Answer 8

Don't say anything to her. She knew the possible consequences even before she switched teams. A mixed marriage never produces a 100% black or 100% white child. Sounds like she never really gave the outcome a lot of thought, or even care before having sex. If they are happy as a family and the marriage is strong, she should have no regrets. Love what you have.

Answer 9

i think that that has become so small an issue these days. sure, there's still racism among the least educated or most narrow-minded folks in the world, but of what esteem should one grant their opinions and values? any man unaccepting of her kids she should not have anything to do with in the first place, regardless of his reason.
edit: i spent all my life as a hated step-child to more different step-dads than i dare mention, and only becaome the decent person i feel i am thru a long struggle to improve my own attitudes and damaged psyche.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

Of course not! I have a son, Camdyn and he is multi-racial, spanish, german, native american and black. I love my child to death. I am african american and I don't who does or doesn't accept my child, on either side of the race spectrum. A child is a gift from God. Their souls are as precious and gold and silver. Never should a parent be ashamed of any part of their children, because their children are apart of them.