I have been with my bf for 2.5months(i am21,hes24)I am his first GF in 2YRS.I could tell he REALLY liked me in the beginning.he took me to meet his parents and friends and invited me EVERWHERE.About a month ago,he started acting really distant and i started to not see him as much(like 1 time a week).Last weekend,he really opened up to me and told me how his ex cheated on him and how he wants to get his life together,then he goes out drinking all the time.I had a talk withhim on Monday about how I feel like he doesnt care about me now,and how i would like to see him more.he was understanding at first,but then said he wanted space,that hes scared and thinks we are moving too fast!also said that he does really care about me and he isnt going anywhere.He told me he would think about this and call me back.i havent talked to him since,and havent tried calling.I want to give him time to think about this,BUT how much more time should I give him?and why is he acting like this?
2007-03-22 05:24:06 · 21 answers · asked by sallyh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Honey, chances are he's scared.
That can be for many reasons, too. He's already opened up to you about his ex cheating, and the fact that it affected him so much shows that he really cared about her. Maybe he's at that same point in your relationship and starting to fear that you'll do the same. For many people, as unhealthy and unfortunate as it is, it's easier to get out before you get hurt.
On the other hand, maybe he's just not ready to be so committed, and your increasing affection and recent conversation about wanting to spend MORE time together has him worried.
No matter what, if you really want to keep him, the best thing that you can do is to give him some space. If he's scared that you'll cheat or hurt him, hanging in there and showing him that you're not like his ex may clear up the problem. If he is genuinely concerned that things are going too fast, be willing to show him that he's worth waiting for, and that you're in no rush.
And, if things don't work out, never think that this is your fault or that you did anything wrong. He's clearly got some issues that he needs to deal with, and sometimes the only way to tackle personal issues is by oneself.
You're obviousely a caring and gentle person to have so much concern for your bf and your relationship. He's lucky to have you!! Good Luck...
2007-03-22 05:27:08 · answer #1 · answered by maryeforeman 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I got bad news for you, If he hasn't been with a girl in 2 years because his ex cheated on him and he wants space now means that he might not be intrested. 2 years should be more than enough time to get over it. The alchohol concerns me too, because sudden increases in drinking ussualy mean that they are running from a problem. In some cases if they haven't been in long term relationships like 3 months or more at a time, their mind gives up at a cirtan mark like 3 months. If he needs space thats fine, give space but when he say he doesn't care i would take that as a big red flag. At this point don't do anything rash but if you care about him have a sit down and talk. If he doesn't want to procede your 21 the prime of your life, find someone else. If he say he wants to be with you and keeps this attitude up then drop him. You sound really loyall but don't bog yourself down on something that won't work. There are plenty of guys that can recipocate your caring and devotionate nature.
2007-03-22 12:35:22 · answer #2 · answered by phantom57212 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you two DID spend too much time together. He was so infatuated by you that for that first month he went through everything a couple in their FIRST year goes through. Now he's needing to tone it down.
This may be good for you as well. Just take things slowly and enjoy the time you spend with him!!
I would give him about a week to cool down. After that, explain that you only really want to spend weekends together so you two don't go through another burnout.
And kudos on talking to him! So many people LACK that skill.
2007-03-22 12:28:20 · answer #3 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This usually happens when a guy gets what he wants from a girl, i.e.; money, sex, etc. He may be a con man. Or he may still like his ex. In all relationships whenever you break up with somebody try not to rebound too quickly it only bandaids the wound of a broken heart. Allow the heart to heal and the mind to readjust itself. If after 2yrs he still hasn't recuperated from his loss then he made need to get psychological help. His ex must have really messed his head up. Or as I said earlier he knows how to con. If you really care about him give him and yourself space. You're both still young you have many years ahead to enjoy other exciting relationships. The most important thing is to LOVE YOURSELF AND RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST...PAPA HANK
2007-03-22 12:39:10 · answer #4 · answered by papa_hanko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is afraid of committment since his last relationship failed. I would be patience if you have feelings for him. If you don't hear from him soon then move on with your life. If he doesn't call soon he may have other issues going on and you don't need all of that baggage. Or he may think that he will be giving up his freedom if he goes out drinking all the time. So that may be a priority that he isn't willing to get rid of.
2007-03-22 12:29:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's scared, with cold feet. Give him a couple of weeks and then call him. Let him know you miss spending time with him and that you would like him to call if he wants to talk or if he makes any decisions..........and that you are going to go ahead with your life.
You know, 2.5 months is a very short time to get to know someone and even call him your BF. No wonder he has cold feet. He's already been claimed and packaged. Yes, you were moving too fast. Back off and see what happens.
2007-03-22 12:31:40 · answer #6 · answered by grapeshenry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's good to step back and think about things. I'd give him at least a week. There's a saying that says if you have to cage a bird, it isn't yours. If you let it go and it comes back to you, it is. You don't want to smother him or make him stay with you out of guilt. He'll be really impressed if you're strong and confident and say "take the time you need...if I'm still here we'll make a go of it...if not, we weren't meant to be together." You don't want him to take advantage of you, but at the same time, you don't want to be smothery or clingy. Good luck!
2007-03-22 12:31:00 · answer #7 · answered by ralomi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess from a man's perpective is that in the begining, the relationship was everything he wanted up to the point he began to invest his deeper feelings, this led him to be reminded of his previous relationship. He might have been really attached to her and backfired on him. Tricky situation, because after, his friends were his life and got into the single party life. He's probably enjoying it and that a relationship is keeping him from having fun. You need to ask him what he wants out of this relationship.
He's probably doing nothing this evening, go out for cofee. Avoid sudden topic changes like these. just enjoy eachother's company...
good luck
2007-03-22 12:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by junglist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think that when someone tells you they need time and space, that means they're just not that into you. Imagine yourself, would you tell a guy that if you really, really had feelings for him? It's the same for guys. Move on. There are lots of fish in the sea, and you're too young to be sulking over a guy that obviously doesn't care about you.
2007-03-22 12:28:53 · answer #9 · answered by true blue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Natural infatuation takes about 3 months to wear off of most people. At 4 months if you can't see an improved depth of feelings look around you. As a man who has had some similar experiences as your bf, if he's talking of what she did to him as effecting him now then he's far from ready.
2007-03-22 12:34:40 · answer #10 · answered by canadaguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋