mothers opinions??

Question

about my son, my finances, my boyfriend, how do I not let her comments bother me, and just let them go in one ear and out the other without a reaction from me?

she is only 17yrs old than I am, I'm 39, we have a good relationship, my son is fine, money is fine, and she loves my bf, BUT, she always has to comment on the way we do things, like I'm dumb, and I let it get me all upset.

Answer 1

Take it and then leave it if you dont agree with their views, they only sharing their views from their past experiences. Just take it that you are listening to bedtime stories.

Answer 2

If you can remain cool, a good answer is 'duly noted, I will think about what you said.' and then change the subject. A mother, unless she is extremely controlling, really only is concerned about safety, usually. So she may tell you something about your son that is an application from her own experience. Since your mother raised you, you can probably make some sense about what she is telling you. But a lot of it is individual - such as how late your son can stay up. This is something you may not care about but she does since she sees it as a factor in his academic perfomance (how can he pay attention if he's falling asleep?)
It's hard for a grandmother to stand back and let her daughter make a mistake that affects her grandson's school performance. Really hard! Meanwhile, the daughter may have made 'self-regulation' a theme in raising her child, from diet to sleep habits, from his choosing his clothes to his choosing his friends. A grandmother knows how some of those free choices can impact a child's life.
This is just one example. If you say, 'Duly noted, I'll think about that' then it would be good to actually think about it. Even just a little.
Finances are a similar situation. A grandmother may see a daughter struggling to make rent payments and then buy an expensive car. The grandmother may know there is no money saved at all and the 'boyfriend' is just that, like a high-school boyfriend except a grown man - with no responsibilities, only spurts of generosity. No wonder a grandmother would worry.
Your mother (your son's grandmother) has opinions that bother you because there is a grain of truth, and sometimes more, in the comments she makes. They would go in one ear and out the other and not bother you if they were so 'off the wall' that they didn't make any sense.
Money is always an issue. Sex without commitment or obligation is another. Child-raising issues are the least important because a child is growing and the issues change. But those money issues! If you have a healthy bank account so that you don't have to fear sudden big expenses, and you have a man who loves you enough to put a ring on your finger and put his name on the end of yours; those things make a huge difference.
Sorry. Live it up now. In a few years, that dear son of yours will be flirting with the idea of being some baby's daddy without the benefit of marriage. Trust me, you won't be happy about it. He may have the earning power of a car hop at that point and no future and won't listen to you. He may be so broke he can't even afford to have his teeth fixed and you may be so hard up, you can't even help him. Time flies! You'll remember your mother fondly then as a wise, wise woman.

Answer 3

This 53 year old Mother says not to always let the comments go in one ear and out the other. While she may be one of those nagging Moms who has to comment on everything even tho she knows it aggravates you it may be her cry for attention. It could also be that she is offering you advice that she learned the hard way. Try sitting down with her and explain that the way you raise your son, handle your finances, interract with your boyfriend are your business and that while you respect her opionion you prefer not to hear derogatory statements over and over as they are leading to resentment. You value your relationship with her and don't want things to continue the way they are. She won't be around forever, so don't burn bridges down because you can't ever cross them again. If she truly loves you she will appreciate your grown up approach to her comments and you might be able to understand each other a lot more after a heart to heart talk. If this is not possible, just don't give her the satisfaction of the reaction she always gets because that is the attention she seeks, just like a child misbehaves. Try spending some time with her just once a month going out to lunch or a movie as it won't be long until she's not there to blow air through your ears. Enjoy the rain because without it you can not appreciate the sunshine.

Answer 4

I'm not understanding your question. If you have a son and you have both fiances and a boyfriend, then I would have a few comments that would bother you too.
If you trying to say that you mother's comments are driving you nuts, then try thinking about what if you didn't have any comments at all. For a moment, think if she didn't care and never gave you any comment (for a moment you would think that would be great but realistically think about if she never made a comment about anything that you did or wanted advice on OR think about when she passes away, the silence of her comments and advice gone; you will miss it and rather quickly.) I used to be the same way. My mother always had something to say to me about one thing or another and it always bothered me but less than a year ago my mother passed away and I never realized how much I would miss her comments and how some of that was good advice but I was too stubborn to notice. I never realized that I could have beat her to the punch by asking for her advice and comments before she offered it so that it would even look like I really wanted to know so that it would be sort of a bonding experience.
I hope that this helped you some what. Remember, she won't always be here for you. Enjoy her as long as you can, even if it means swallowing the nags. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 5

When mom brings up these things say "I'll take that into consideration" "I'll pass that on" or "I'm sorry you feel that way" and change the subject. Three times in one conversation is time for a "Ta Tahh, ma!" Remember not to feed her information that is none of her business. If you want to share your disappointments in any of those areas tell your journal/diary not your mother.
Try this, "Oh mom, to heck with that, let's talk about what's going on with you!" You may discover she is sadly lacking interests outside of her family.

Answer 6

Try and be a filter - I am sure there is SOME good advice in there somewhere! After all, she does have a little experience. She thinks she is helping you. You don't have to TAKE her advice, nor do you have to feel guilty for NOT taking her advice. Try and remember that she is coming from a different background ad ans old school set of values. I am just sure there is a speck or two of wisdom in there. Besides, there will come a day when your mother is gone and you won't have her advice. Believe me, you will wish you had some of that unsolicited advice one day. Just love her for the overprotective nosey mothering mother she is....Just remember to keep your sense of humor and it will be fine!
I had this friend who had the same problem..she went to counseling and spent hundreds of dollars to learn to say, "Hmmmm, ok."
Just smile & nod, sister, smile & nod!!!

Answer 7

I'm not too sure what you mean. Is someone saying stuff about your son, boyfriend and finances? If that's the case, then tell whoever is saying things to bother you that, that is something that you don't feel comfortable talking about and would appreciate keeping their comments to themselves.

ADD:
You make no sense

Answer 8

Earplugs. That is the only way. And if you read lips, that won't even work. You will always care what your daughter thinks. And she will always be able to push your buttons. Mothers never get too old to feel guilty and responsible for their children's problems. It's a curse. Live your own life and make yourself happy. That's what she would do.

Answer 9

If she has legitimate concerns then I would listen but if she is just making rude or insensitive comments then I would let them go in one ear and out the other and not let her get a rise out of you.

Don't be disrespectful because she is your mother, just try to let the comments roll of your back

Answer 10

Things will get better . As your boyfriend not sure what going on but remember our kids will drive us crazy no matter what that is our first thing . And financial problem will always be there it all depend on how you take care of your financial I think you better off by your self if you have a boyfirend and he no help than drop him . like I said it all depends on how your problems are going you are a strong women I hope it all work out for you speak your stick to your goal in planing to work on your financial issue we all have financial issue and kid as well spounse as but we have think of our selves first life is short to stress over a boyfriend if he can't work with you and treat you is number 1 no matter what than dump his ***. Good luck a woman desreve to be treat like a queen no matter what if you can't be his number one no matter . IM not sure what kind of problem you have with son get help or counselor ok good luck and blessing ..............

Answer 11

Oh every mother is that way....she's just having trouble letting go.

It's hard to let things that a mother says to you just slide off your shoulders but the bottom line is you're an adult and you just have to live your own life.