my friend and i have a very close relationship. i really love him and i want to take our friendship further but i feel he really dosent know. at the age of 7 he was sexually molested and has had sexual encounters on his account with men. all these things have made him very sexually confused but then again he says he would want a women but i dont know if that means because of his bad encounters with men. that and the fact that we have had sex several times and he says he likes being with me in the moment, but dosent know about being in a relationship with a guy me in paticular. i also think it could be he is afraid of just ruining our friendship that is very close and i know he dosent want to lose. i dont know what to tell him or if i should just let go of my feelings for him knowing he is very confused.what should i do
? please help me.
2007-03-22 04:44:05 · 7 answers · asked by IVG 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Wow, I kinda can relate to this dude. I was molested myself but I was older than 7, more like 15, As a result, I ended up hustling on the streets (I didn't need the money) and was very promiscuous. I don't know if this had anything to do with the molestation but I hear similar stories all the time. It may be that he does not want to ruin the friendship. It was hard for me to have a relationship once it got sexual. It's almost like I was more comfortable with strangers not because I wanted to. Sex became dirty for me and I didn't want to share that with someone I cared about or loved. I know it makes no sense but these are the type of feelings that people who are molested can have. If you really care about this person, don't push him into anything. Let him make the first move. Can you handle just being a close close friend. I really think I know kinda what's going through this guy's head maybe. He could have deep feelings for you but is afraid. I only wish I had of gotten counseling when this started. Just don't take it personal. I don't think it has anything to do with you. He's just a little messed up and needs to work out his feelings and straighten himself out sexually. I wish I had the answers to that but every case is different. I don't know all the dynamics of his life, ya know. But at any rate, good luck. Let him know you are there for him to talk to and that you wont press anything on him. He may need to go through a few phases first before he discovers himself. It's up to you if this is something you can deal with. Good luck.
2007-03-22 04:58:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first response would be 'was Rome built in a day?'
My second response would be - are you going to lose it if your friend doesn't respond to your affections? Put the shoe on the other foot. Trade lives for only just a moment. Can you handle what your friend is dealing with? The reminder of his childhood tragedies? The confusion of right and wrong? The difference be sex and love? Your friend coming onto you stronger than you can take?
Dude, if you so much as answered no to any of these questions, then you may even get an idea of how your friend is coping.
Be strong - be patient - be supporting - and most of all be a friend first.
Good things come to those who wait. In the end your friend may recognize that you are there. Your rewards will be reaped then.
Good luck
bga
2007-03-22 05:00:18 · answer #2 · answered by bga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take things slow. I rushed into a relationship with my best friend and she dumped me due to her confusion. Our friendship was kinda rocky after that for about 2 months on and off, but we ended up talking it out because we didn't want to lose our close friendship. Give him sometime to see if he really wants to be in a relationship with you. If he does, then good for you. but if he doesn't then don't let it get you down.
2007-03-22 11:05:10 · answer #3 · answered by Sabryna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awww .. well it seems he dosent mind the sexual encounters you can still hug him love him that dosent meen you ahve to label it as a reltaion ship i recommned a friends with benifits thing love and sex with the strings attach or broken heart.
2007-03-22 04:48:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, it sounds like your the one who is confused. you want him but you dont want this to happen... bla bla bla. what he is going through you cant make better, and you shouldnt have to either. second, having relations w/ the guy is only going to make things worse for him. cause now hes even worse!!!! if you want to help, direct him to therapy. and stop getting into his pants. if you got molested.... do you realy think that more sex would make things better??? no!
2007-03-22 06:16:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend needs profeesional help.
2007-03-22 05:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by jasgallo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TAKE IT SLOW
2007-03-22 04:47:33 · answer #7 · answered by Year of the Monkey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋