I think it's because i hate the thought of some other woman having him.. have you or are you in a situation like this? How do you cope?
2007-03-22 04:39:31 · 55 answers · asked by sh*tsngiggles 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we've all have a past babe.
That thought of some other woman having him BEFORE is jealousy, jealousy is a nasty thing it will make you do and think thing that's just not right.
Jealousy also ends a lot of relationship that would have workout just fine with out it.
The key word up there is BEFORE that was before this is now and who is he with now( you).
Before is the past it's over ,look forward not back wards.
Your going to drive your self nuts thinking about his past.
For get about it , it's you and him now.
Good louck.
2007-03-22 05:02:30 · answer #1 · answered by ღ♥ஐcookie1ஐ♥ღ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband had been married twice before he married me; I never saw it as a huge problem. You need to get over it quickly, or it will slowly destroy you. Yes, he had a life before he met you; everyone you meet will have had a "history". It's normal; it really shouldn't be a big deal. What IS a big deal, and what you should be paying attention to, is how things are in the present - how he's treating you, how YOUR relationship is developing. If he's not giving you any cause for concern - count your blessings and enjoy life. You really can't spend too much effort on worrying about the past; there are way too many important things to attend to in the present and the future.
2007-03-22 05:23:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it just the thought of him being physical with someone else or that there may have been periods of intimacy like holding hands, cuddling in the dark, laughing at a shared, private joke, etc? Are there children from the previous marriage?
Many times when we change partners there is always a feeling of insecurity because we can’t compete with the history of that person. Just like you, they have friends, acquaintances, lovers, enemies, and a whole slew of folks that you will never know, meet, or even hear about.
The truth of the matter is that you really can’t (and shouldn’t even try) to compete with that. Can you accept the fact that your partner wants to be with *YOU* now and whatever has gone before is done and over with.
Another way to look at it is that all of your partner’s experiences and interactions in their past has developed their personality to what it is right now. Their past has made them the person you want to be with now. Try and look at it as a blessing that your partner has had all the experiences that led them to be with you.
2007-03-22 04:56:21 · answer #3 · answered by Bart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. Talk to him and let him know that the fact he has been with another woman (whether or not you have been with other men) makes you feel insecure. If he is worth keeping, he will do things to reassure you that while he can’t turn back the hands of time, he is certainly not looking back. Transparency in a relationship is essential. If he is caring enough, he must be wondering how you are coping with the fact he has been married and has had sexual ties for a prolonged period with another woman. Brining it out in the open should strengthen your relationship. If he acts untoward, or takes advantage of your insecurity, he is not worth it.
2007-03-22 05:01:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe you are putting too much emphasis on that aspect of your spouse/partner. Rather, why don't you put more emphasis on the fact that he's with you and that other person obviously was not the person for him but you are. You are the here and now whereas she was the then and no more. Think of it as a mistake that lead to you. Like a fork in the road that he should have turned right but then turned left which eventually lead right, to you, but after having turned left first, he has learned to appreciate the right path, you, more. See? It's all depends on how you perceive it. Chin up and look at it as the glass as half full; positively.Best wishes and take care.
2007-03-22 04:46:46 · answer #5 · answered by mothergoose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a hard one to deal with, both me and my partner were engaged to people before we got together and knew each other when we were with our previous partners for about 3 years, we all socialised together.
Sometimes when I'm having a bad day it gets to me, but then I have to remember that he wasn't happy (at all) with his ex and he is happy with me, and if he wanted to be with her he would be and he definitely doesn't because he is with me.
We both knew a long time ago that we couldn't promise the exes forever and didn't love them, I know its sounds ridiculous well its a long story that isn't really appropriate, and i have heard of quite a few people since leaving my previous relationship who have gone through with weddings knowing that they didn't love the other person, and didn't really want to be with them forever
It also is making it more stressful as my partner and I still co own properties with our exes and its a waiting game for them to complete and be history.
Don't let it ruin your relationship, its not worth it, whats in the past is in the past whether its in your life or his.
Someone told me this a while back-
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift that's why its called the present" So enjoy it!!!!
Good luck and hope you manage to deal.
R
xxx
2007-03-22 05:53:48 · answer #6 · answered by faerie_rachie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get that feeling too, but my guy has not been married, just in a serious relationship before me. I think that is called insecurities, that is what I am told. I will be going to a relationship counselor on Monday, with him, so I could let you know what is said about this if you want! I also am a very very jealous person, when he is around any females. This is what he said to me when I told him about my insecurities - "I was with this person before you, and NOW I am with YOU! They were there before you and obviously things didn't work out and we were not compatible thats why I am now I am with you." It made me feel good because I took it as, those women were out there before me - and he chose me out of all of them...so maybe this will help you coop. You can email me if you want to know how the counseling session goes. Maybe I can have some more advice for you when I get done!
2007-03-22 05:04:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, I think you are being a bit obessesive and weird.
My husband had loads of partners before I met him, heck he even had another couple of girls 'on the go' and I've been married before. When you meet the person you are meant to be with all of those pale into insignificance because that's what they were, insignificant - evenex spouses - trust me I know how insignificant my ex is in my life!
Some friends of mine, in their wedding vows, promised to love at that each other was, is or will be. You need to accept what your partner was - if nothing else it has helped shape him into the man you love.
If you love him, love him unconditionally - and that means his past too. Don't worry about other women, he is with you, he chose you.
2007-03-22 05:47:00 · answer #8 · answered by Leapling 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a first for you . Not all of us can be a first or there would be no seconds.Whats your problem,
read these sites not 2 many stay 2 gather anymore as there are 2 many cheaters. Best of luck if your going 2 make a issue over this than don't get married or you be back here again.
2007-03-22 05:05:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its disturbing to think of our partners being with other people and being intimate with other people. I remember once me and my boyfriend had split up and I was out one night and saw him kissing another girl. We got back together int he end but that memory makes me feel sick even today. But unfortunately, most people do have exes and a bit of baggage behind them. 99% of men have been with other women before you. BUT the important thing to concentrate on is that, for whatever reason, his relationship failed. If you he's with now. Don't let the past consume you, its the present and the future that you should be focusing on and enjoying.
2007-03-22 04:56:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋