Can my marriage be saved?Will he ever forgive me?

Question

Me and my husband have been happily married for 8 years.We had 2 kids, one 4 the other 6.Three month ago my younger son Jordon passed away from cancer and it just about killed me.I wasn't dealing at all and left town a month after the funeral to stay with an ex-boyfriend/good friend to get myself together,leaving my husband and 6 yr old on their own.I stayed away for 3 months because I just couldn't deal with being at home where everything reminded me of my son.I came home last week and although my son was overjoyed to see me,my husband has barely said a word to me since I left.He begged me to come home whenever I called but I was never ready until now and now it seems it's too late and he can't forgive me for leaving.I don't believe in getting professional help.What do I do?

We were very happy before my son died.We had the world at our feet and when my son died I just couldn't cope,it was killing me.I didn't go to the ex for comfort,I went because he lived so far away,away from all the memories.I don't trust therapists because I've been in therapy before for an eating disorder and he abused his position when treating me.

Answer 1

HI
Back off a little from him and don't expect much he is in shock. Give him time you left him and he was hurting too. He will have many resentments to go through before he can except you back, be patient, remember you left him after his son died, you left your other child, you stayed and maybe had a relationship with an x and then rejected him when he begged you back, people handle grief in different ways and I understand what you did but he doesn't and will need time to work through it, don't push him and be understanding, don't make excuses because it doesn't matter to him now, the best thing to do is let him get his piece out and then maybe he can listen to your side.
Lammy

Answer 2

Professional help isn't bad. It's good. It's no different than going to a doctor when you're sick. I think that seeing a counselor or clergy who are trained in dealing with grief would be a very good idea. The death of a child breaks up a lot of marriages. I'm not sure it was a very good idea to go back to the ex-boyfriend. If you love your husband a six year old child and want to make things work, I think you need to swallow your pride and go get some counseling somewhere.

I wish the best for you.

Answer 3

I think you should reconsider professional help. Since you can leave home for three months you probably do not have your own medical insurance. He may be more apt to foregive you if you seek professional counseling, and most insurance policies provide for it--I am assuming he has insurance that would cover this.

Furthermore, the loss of a child is a horribly traumatic experience. No one in their right mind would fault you for seeking help. One would think professional assistance would be far superior to the tender ministrations of an ex boyfriend in some distant city. No wonder your husband is miffed at you. I doubt I would have let you back in the door after a horrible stunt like that.

Answer 4

You and your husband both need professional help. Right now, you seem to have a "me' mentality. But, your husband is grieving too as is your son !!! It must have been just horrible for them when you left, and now there is an abandonment issue that you husband cannot shake. To have met this tragedy together would have been better than running. But that is hindsight. Really, you should seriously consider professional help for you and your husband.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear this.

Sometimes life is unpredictable and bad events happen. You were being sincere withyourself...you couldn't face the reality in the house that's why you left.

Since your husband begged you to come home...that means that he wanted you...but you have to understand him he is a little bit hurt by this action...but eventually he knows that forgiving you is the right thing to do...just give him some time...don't push him...just be patient and wait.

I wish you luck...god bless you!

Answer 6

i'm sorry to your loss. that's a terrible adventure to lose absolutely everyone to such an insidious ailment as maximum cancers, fairly a newborn. you're unlikely to opt to hearken to this, yet you made a foul option to leave your husband and surviving newborn for the period of this way of undesirable time. besides the fact that if it became a confusing time for you to be thinking approximately being on your place with out your deceased son; how confusing became it to your husband and your surviving newborn? i'm specific that deep down they felt like that they had misplaced 2 human beings who they enjoyed. the actuality which you left city to stay with an ex-boyfriend has not helped your relationship which includes your husband. in case you had felt the might desire to get rid of your self from the homestead, you may desire to have stayed with a woman pal or a kinfolk member. except your husband is able to forgive those strikes on his very own; i don't look plenty desire right here. Sorry to be blunt, yet this is a actuality. you're maximum probable going to might desire to recover from your thoughts of not desiring expert help; as i don't see many different suggestions right here. you could desire to choose which you relatively want this marriage to artwork, or not. you have interrupted the beginnings of the traditional grieving technique to your loved ones by using leaving. Why are you against expert help? you initiate off your sequence of questions sounding so beneficial which you have been fortunately married for 8 years, and end on an particularly distinctive notice that has little or no to do with the shortcoming of your son. A fortunately married women human beings turns extra to her husband and last kinfolk for the period of a foul loss; not removed from them. I choose you and your loved ones nicely, i'm hoping which you hit upon your solutions.

Answer 7

You did the wrong thing. At the time when you should have gone to your husband you went for a bit on the side to forget your problems. Are you so stupid as to think you could have your fling without a price. There is no such thing as a free dinner. As yea shall sow so shall yea reap. It will take a lot of time and effort on your part. The best of luck.

Answer 8

I'm really really sorry to hear about your loss.first off,your husband might feel insecure about you staying with your ex.back off a little right now to let him calm his mind.you can do sweet things for him to assure him that you still love and need him.Take things slowly now.care for your other son and be there for him.it must be hard for him to lose his younger brother.Time heals all wounds.talk to somebody if you need to.stay positive and believe that things will be better.Apologize to your husband.Losing a son must be very hard on him too so you were selfish to abandon him. All the best to you and your future.

Answer 9

I'm no expert, but consider how your husband feels. You left him alone in the vary house you left to get away from. I'm sure it was equally though for him as well. I think you should get professional help, it will help you and your husband talk things out. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

Wow, thats rough.

I could go into a long drawn out response, but if it was my wife, I couldn't forgive her.

Maybe a bit of lenience if she stayed at her Mom's house or something, but ex-boyfriends?? No, the fact the he's a good friend does not override the fact that he's an ex-boyfriend.