My sister thinks she killed her parents. help!!?

Question

my adopted step sister (i just call her my sister), Emma, is 11. when she was almost 8, her house burned down, killing her parents and baby brother. now 3 years later she's doing better, but still has some problems. she still cries herself to sleep every night, even though she's fine during the day. and sometimes in the middle of the night, she'll wake up screaming
"No!!!", kicking and sweating like crazy. either me, one of my other sisters (age 14 and 15) or my mom will hold her and rock her back to sleep when that happens (used to be every night, now only once a week). in the morning, she has no memory of her nightmares. during the day she's fine, but is scared of fire, won't go near the stove or light a candle or anything. Last week she was really moody, mouthing off to everybody, and when she started screaming and hitting our brother (12), it took both me (17)and my older brother(19) to hold and calm her down. then she started saying (and crying). wait for more details...

... she started saying "i killed my parents, i started the fire. why do you think i survived and they didn't". it took us a while to calm her down. now she's seems fine, but she doesn't smile as much as she used too. she's been seeing a counselor, but i don't think it's doing any good. is there anything i can do for her? i haven't told my parents about the little incident last week? should i? please help!!!!!

and please don't call me a troll or say i'm making this up for kicks, because i'm not.

Answer 1

survivors often have these emotions. you won't be able to help her, nor will I. She needs intense counseling. And a guardian is going to have to take those actions, and not a sister trying to take responsibility for her step sibling...

Answer 2

I am so sorry your family has to go through this.. It must be very hard on your sister.

She obviously feels this is her fault.
She needs to understand that it isn't her fault. Explain to her that even if she did something to start the fire or not, you are sure she didn't mean for anything to happen to her family. Tell her that her parents would not want her to blame herself because accidents happen.
Then.. you need to tell your mother everything that she has said so that your parents can get her the proper help. If the counselor doesn't know everything, they will not be able to help her. And if the one she has now doesn't seem to be helping, then it is time to find another one. You need to have a sit down with your parents. This should be handled by a parent and not a teenage sister. (no offense.. I am glad to see you want to help, but you can't get medical care for her)


Good Luck!

Answer 3

Your sister was severely traumatized at an early age. This is so sad. Im sure that memories are coming back to her and a child memory is not always accurate. An adults memory is not always accurate after a trauma. Self blame is not unusual, self judgement is not unusual either.

Im glad she is in a loving family. Even though she is guilty of nothing she will have to find a way to forgive herself for being the survivor.

I hope her counselor is a good one,if not that could be changed.

I hope this helps you and I hope there will be a way to help her get past all these issues.

Time and patience is a great healer. I wish all of you the best.

Answer 4

Wow. I wouldn't hide things from your parents. Does anyone ever go with her to her therapy sessions? I believe that families often need therapy to be able to offer proper help. What better person than a counselor to help you understand how you can help your sister. Your little brother could benefit too since he seems to be getting the brunt of things. Also, going to therapy with your sister will help you and your family decide whether the therapist is really clicking with your sister in a way that may be helpful long term.

Finally, your sister is going to have problems for a very long time. You can't go through something like she did and recover easily. If your parents won't agree to letting you attend therapy with your sister, I'd ask for my own therapist. And if you don't like the first one, keep trying until you get one that you find helpful.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear that. Your sister could still be traumatized
by what happened. Maybe you should tell your parents
about the incident before anything worse happens. She
needs to see a different counselor for a second opinion,
and maybe seek phsycology therapy.

Answer 6

I think you should tell your parents. If she really started the fire (intentionally or by accident) she needs help. If it were on purpose, she could be a danger to you and your fam. If it were an accident, she could be emotionally scarred from the trauma. If that counsellor isn't helping, it could be because he/she doesn't know the whole story. That is where telling your parents comes in. The more people know,the more they can help her.

Answer 7

Is she for the most part happy to be in your family? If that is the case...just play up how much a part of your family she is, and focus on the good things in her life. I am not saying to completely forget about what happened to her, but at this point she just needs to feel like she is part of a family again!

Answer 8

maybe she really thinks she did kill them, and the guilt is getting to her. maybe you and your family needs to sit her down and make her talk about the night it happened. maybe she done something she thinks started the fire and can't let it go. she really needs someone who she can trust and help her carry some of the baggage she seems to have at such a young age. be her friend and show her you will love her no matter what.

Answer 9

He became in all risk a spoiled brat transforming into up and became never instructed no. childrens like that advance up and that they assume society to handle them a similar way their mum and dad do and would't cope with it while somebody would not bow all the way down to their each whim! so they get offended and finally end up killing somebody! i'm hoping they fry him!

Answer 10

take her to get some help because it must be a very emotional struggle for her