why hasn't my boyfriend of 5 yrs asked me to marry him yet??????

Question

we have lived together for 3 years and are very happy so why isnt he asking me to marry him as i know that he does believe in marriage?

Answer 1

Lots of different versions of this but basically "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" or "Why buy the land when you already have grazing rights?" or "why sign away half my possessions when I don't have to?"

These old sayings have to do with a lot more than sex. In fact sex is the least of the benefits. You don't have to be married or even living together to have sex. Essentially he gets all the benefits of marriage (companionship, stability, dual incomes, a "partner", etc) without any of the legal obligations.

Sorry, hon, but if he hasn't asked in 5 five years, it probably ain't gonna happen. Either accept it or move on. You've lived together for 5 years, and you say you're happy - sounds like you've already made your decision.

Answer 2

I had the same problem and booted his behind out. I believe that within the first year to two years of dating, one should know whether or not they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

Today's society makes taking responsibility a short cut....i.e. why get married when we are play acting. No strings attached. Too many people want the easy way out.

#1 I would say is age makes a difference on why you haven't gotten married, #2 could be family pressure. #3 have you discussed marriage with him?

Have you dated anyone else or been in any other long-term relationships? These are questions you need to ask yourself. Are you ready for marriage? Do you know what marriage takes to survive? How do the two of you handle conflict and stress now? How do you handle money? What are your long term goals?

Marriage is serious and not something to be taken lightly but is a commitment that both of you have to share equally.

He may not be ready, and after 5 years he may never be ready so ask yourself these questions. If you are in your 20's, take time for you and discover you. There is plenty of time to get married and someone who does want to marry you will way before 5 years if you allow it to happen. Don't be so quick to live with a man.

Answer 3

If you're living together, you're already leading a married life without being married. He's already getting everything he wants, so what incentive is there for him to marry you ? He should definitely know by now if you are the woman of his life and dreams. At this point, you have every right to bring up the subject of marriage, your relationship, and what his intentions are. If there isn't any reason why you and he can't get married, but he just doesn't want to, then you may want to cut your losses. Perhaps when he doesn't have you, he may realize how much you mean to him (although he should already know). Without giving him an ultimatum, you should state what you want, and by when you want to get engaged and married. Let him know that you will also consider moving on with the rest of your life without him. If he wants to marry you, then he'll propose. But if he doesn't propose by the time-line you've set, then you'll know that he doesn't want to marry you after all.

Answer 4

Are you sure he believes in marriage? He might not think it's right for him. Maybe he's afraid that marriage will ruin the good thing you guys have now. Definitely you should talk to him and make sure you guys are on the same page about what you want for the future. If marriage is whats most important to you and it turns out that it's not what he wants be prepared to move on. If he hasn't asked you after 5 years, chances are he never will.

PS) Lots of people "buy the cow when they can get the milk for free.. and lots of people buy the pig when they can get the saussage for free. Grow up people, marriage is about way more than sex! I feel sorry for people who don't know that. If someone can prove to me that every married couple out there waited for marriage before having sex, I will eat my own head!!!!

Answer 5

Because he is not ready! I believe that when a man is ready and knows he is with the right person, he will want to be married. Some men have preset goals in thier life and maybe he is waiting to acheive a few more things. However, it isn't a bad idea to ask. Better to find out why now, and decide what you want, rather than put a few more years into it.

Answer 6

Get smart and get rid of him. I watch this scenario for 11 years with friend of mine. He dated a girl for 11 years. He was happy with the sex, the living arrangements, splitting the chores, going on vacations together, his freedom and being in social settings with her. When asked about marriage, he said he was happy playing golf 4x a week in the summer and snowmobiling in the winter. He had a bank full of savings that he didn't want to touch in the event they got married, and he acquired all of her credit card debt. If he hasn't mentioned it, dicussed it or changes the conversation when its talked about, he'll never ask you. Save yourself 9 years of wasted time and find someone interested in more than just cohabitation. Don't waste time waiting, you'll be sorry.

Answer 7

Have you ever spoken about the possibility of marriage with him? If you have never brought it up, now might be a good time to let him know your expectations. If you don't tell him that you would like to get married, he might be happy just leaving things as they currently are. Talk to him about it, and you will have the answer to your question.:)

Answer 8

He has no reason to marry you. It would be different if you guys are young. Lets say under 27 but over that age means he just doesn't want to. Have you read "He's just not that into you"? Also, why would you want to marry a man who isn't that into you? Move on....Life is short!

Answer 9

Sorry, but it's simple. It's BECAUSE you are living with him. He has all he wants and needs, so is not interested in marriage. Since you want marriage, what you need to do is move out on your own independently, pay your own way in the world, keep dating him if you wish, and see what happens then. Girl, I would have only waited the three years....

Answer 10

Have you talked about marriage? Bring it up in a gentle, non-threatening way. Marriage for men is very scary because it means they will have to take on alot more responsibilities. Talk about what is holding him, talk about his fears. And if he can't give you a straight answer or be honest and open with you, then you need to move on.