im 29,male. single. been single all my life, and im gettin tired of it. im a member of myspace and?

Question

and plenty of fish. and every girl i leave a friendly message for, askin if they wanna chat, none of them ever reply to me. im beggining to think its personal to me. my mugshot photos on the sites, so their able to see what i look like. feels like im being ostracised by people. i have low self esteem. low moods. high anxiety. i have recently been diagnosed with
borderline personality disorder. ive had these problems since 15. i have difficulty, with intamacy, maintaing relashionships or friendships. relating to people. i get dependant. needy. posessive and clingy.
i dont want to be felt sorry for or treated like a charity case, but im just wondering what i can do?
im waiting to be assesed for therapy. but my future seems hopeless, like it wont go anywhere. the only people in my life that understand, is my mum. i dont have any friends or a girlfriend. im tired of this loneliness & isolation & unwilling solitude. its like noone wants to no me. ive never worked because of my problems.

i cant disguise that im desperate for
human contact anymore. especially the
female kind.
but if people dont want to no you and
dont reply to your messages on these
social networking sites, what can you do?

Answer 1

your necer gunna get a girl acting like this! cheer up n stop lookinjg for one! jst wait for one to come along! x

Answer 2

Hmmm...is that your pic loaded now? If it is then I would start with a new haircut and a shave. Women want a man not a bear--Fuzzy Wuzzy. I think you have become so desperate that you are running people away and the more you try to impose yourself on others the more they will be annoyed. When was the last time you were content with yourself? That's the problem. You are causing your own misery. How you can you be happy with someone else when you are not happy by yourself? Another person can't keep you happy. Lemme guess...you were the kid that was a loner, always tried too hard to make friends thus when you attempted everyone looked at you crazy, like why are you here. Obviously you need to work on your socialization skills. So why don't you join a gym or join a class that women will go to, like a dance (salsa or something.) You need to add things to make yourself interesting in a conversation. No one woman (or man for that matter-not calling you gay, but even a friend) wants to hear this sob story. Honestly, if you're bringing this up in a convo. to a woman what did you really expect her to do or say. Gee, you're the hottest guy ever living at home with your mom and with no friend's to hangout with or no history with a woman or job. What do you think makes you attractive to someone else?--the fact that you breathe like everyone else? And you want therapy, so they can give some pills and one on one--something to screw you up even more. If you must get therapy I would highly suggest group therapy. So if you want to find a girl on the computer fine, but remember you WILL be forced to talk to her about something interesting. And aren't you a little old for myspace-I surely hope when you say girl you mean woman...

Answer 3

I was on a dating site for over a year and ...nothing. Finally, three weeks ago I met a man I really connected with. You are young. Just be patient and she will come along. There is someone for everyone.

Therapy would be a good idea. Are you on any medication? You might have a chemical imbalance that is causing all this stuff to happen.

You REALLY need to get to the point where you are happy with yourself before you can successfully maintain a relationship with someone else. You can't expect another person to make you happy. Just concentrate on one problem at a time. Work on feeling better about yourself first. It sounds like you have good support in your mother so that's awesome.

You're stronger than you think you are. Pray about it. Make yourself keep a journal and make yourself write down five things every day you are thankful for. You'll find yourself spending a good portion of the day trying to find things to be thankful for so you'll have something to write in that journal. That might help raise your spirits just thinking positive thoughts.

Good luck. Hang in there.

Answer 4

hi there..

Ok the therapy is a good idea..that can only be a positive thing, so focus on that.

I would guess (and I'm not a pyscologist so its only my guess) but I would guess most of your problems are due to an overall lack of self esteem.. so the therapy will help.

If I may suggest, join a club or association in your area and meet local people.. be happy to have their casual friedship, its true people will run a mile if they sense neediness..its our nature.

As the therapy starts working and u broaden your social life a little ,u may find u feel ready and able for some job,part-time or otherwise..its all small steps..

I can think of someone I know of here in Ireland who was in the ssame predicament, and much older than me or you and they turned it around.

So it is possible!

I genuinely wish u luck man, keep the faith, work with the therapy, try to meet local people.

Paul

Answer 5

Erm....if you specially want to date, or meet women, why don't you use a dating website like match.com, at least your intentions for a relationship or friendship are clearer whereas to be honest, I would ignore a request from a total stranger from MrSpace...it is full off odd balls.

You should really go out more too, even if its just to a cafe and being around people. But to be honest, I would be suprised if you are really that odd - most people dislike people they work with, most of their friends (they do) and find it hard to relate, I mean really relate to other people. You should try some councilling or getting a part time job where you can meet different kinds of people and there is most likely someone you can strike a common chord with.

Answer 6

Not to sound like Dr. Phil.....but no one is going to love you if you don't love yourself first! If you don't like you, why would someone else like you? It seems to me that you've taken all this time to write down everything that is BAD, but what about your good attributes? Focus on those for a change. Get out and have some fun, meet people in real life! I'm on Myspace, and I barely use it to meet new people, just to keep up with old friends. It's my experience that most people on Myspace are on there for the ego boost. If you're fixed on meeting someone online, try Match.com or eHarmony.

My advice? Stick with the therapy, and find out what the good things you have to offer are.

Answer 7

First of all.... You are brave as hell to put that out there for people to read.

Second.... I wasn't as far down that hole as you are, but I've been there in my life.

In a nutshell, this was my problem. I was shy and aloof (so I was generally misunderstood as stuck-up and/or arrogant when I was really just insecure). I put too much emphasis on feeling accepted rather than just accepting people as they are without expections. (This basically kept me projecting my own beliefs and negative self-image into what I thought were the opinions of other people.) I wasn't really satisfied with who I was or respected myself as a human being. Lastly, I didn't pay attention to what I was putting out there in the way I dressed, talked, or acted. So I perpetuated (if not recreated) certain perceptions and behaviors in other people when interacting with me.

Just a guess, but I would say you're suffering from similar issues. Therapy might be helpful. But in the meantime, you might want to hang on to these ideas:

1) Each of us is just a human being trying to find our place in the world, establish our own sense of power, and carrying around our own set of issues, prejudices, and self-defeating beliefs. (Women do this too.)

2) It's better if we don't judge people too harshly.... Especially ourselves.

3) Accept that sometimes even a negative opinion someone may have about us is based more in the issues that person has within themselves than anything to do with us.

Try to just live your life without worrying about what it should be. Focus on making it the best it can be and you being the best YOU you can be.

Also, watch being too critical of the women you form an interest in (AND the ones who form an interest in you). Even the right woman for you isn't always going to look or behave exactly as you want her to. Appreciate a woman for for who she really is, not just focus on who she is or isn't too you.

Answer 8

I think therapy is a great idea. Im studying counselling and it can give you a real boost of self esteem.
Also, I'd consider losing the wild hair and beard and maybe get some advice from an image consultant. I'd be kind of put off by your pic....sorry.

Answer 9

If you genuinely believe that these girls are not contacting you purely based on your looks then they ain't worth bothering about. I seriously believe that you need to start sorting the rest of your life out before becoming romantically involved with anyone. If you want to talk, feel free to email me. Good luck.

Answer 10

You sound like a very emotional person, try and find some plus points about yourself. Feel free to email me, if you want a friendly ear

Answer 11

first all most people on myspace are not looking for friends that they dont know in real life so it is not a good place to look. try a site specific for dating. second to be in a good relationship you need to be comfortable with yourself and it does not sound like you .