I just found out that my ex-wife was pregnant at the time of our divorce. I now have a 24 yr old daughter I need to get to know. When we were married I told her that I didn't want kids so I got a vasectomy but it didn't take for some reason. She claimes that she didn't tell me because she didn't want to screw up my life. Is this proper?
2007-03-22 02:41:24 · 28 answers · asked by davidaronis2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is not right but I can understand why she did it. If you were specific that you didn't want kids to the point where you had a vasectomy, I would also think that a child would ruin your life and would be scared of telling you. I think your wife loved you up to the very end of your marriage and beyond. She kept quiet and gave you freedom, which obviously is what you wanted, whilst she brought up a child by herself. Don't get too worked up over it. I think this was done with the best of intentions. Go and get to know your daughter. It is never too late.
All the best
2007-03-22 02:52:19 · answer #1 · answered by jamidami 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, actually it's not proper at all, but on the other hand you were the one who didn't want kids, so she has a real excuse. from a woman's mind: at the time she was pregnant from a guy who didn't want kids and got a vasectomy for that reason, she was also getting divorced with him (mean you). She wasn't even sure if she wanted to keep, trust me when i say it. If she told you at that period of your lives, you would say she did it on purpose to keep you!!! At least you would think of it. So it's not a crime she didn't under the circumstances, but it's a bad thing for the kid- now a grown up woman- not to know anything of her father. Things are bad already with the situation, so the best thing you can do now, is to find the time to get to know your daughter and leave the rest to the past, that's where they belong after all.
2007-03-22 09:57:01 · answer #2 · answered by helena_m_p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you'd told me when we were married that you didn't want to have kids, and I found out I was pregnant while we were getting divorced, I might try to keep it from you too. I would have been especially concerned because you had a vasectomy. I would have guessed you wouldn't believe it was your child, and think I had been with someone else.
Not saying she made the right decision, just saying I would have thought about it.
2007-03-22 09:57:08 · answer #3 · answered by Lady M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She hid because u told her u didn't want kids. DUH!!!!! She probably did. If she really cared, that was the right thing to do. If someone told u something they didn't like and it happened anyway, would u tell? Come on. Think, mon. I wouldn't have told ur stupid azz either. And y do u need to get to know ur daughter? She's 24. There's nothing to get to know. What u gon do? Go buy her a pony and a dollhouse? It's a little late for that don't u think? U men, really should watch the things u say to female. Or, did u forget that we take everything so literal?
2007-03-22 09:47:49 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Nana♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it is proper for her to hide it from you, but did you ever tell her that if she got pregnant that you would make her get rid of it or were you ever nasty about it? Maybe she was scared about what you would say or do.
Go meet your daughter and get to know her, if you feel that you want to maintain a relationship with than go for it, if not her mother seemed to raise her right, so I am sure she would be fine either way.
2007-03-22 10:07:36 · answer #5 · answered by Important 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
may be you scare her, any way it didnt give her the right to keep it from the baby or you. I think you were probably not too easy to talk to, maybe you both can learn from this..you both should think of your daughter and not each other.. I hear you worring about yourself in your question.. maybe you should start now thinking of some one other then you. like your new found daughter. what would be proper is for you and the young womans mother to be parents. Parents put their children's needs first..
2007-03-22 09:50:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she was honestly trying to protect your feelings. Many women would have tried to use the pregnancy to hang on to the guy. (Unless, of course, its not your daughter at all. Has a DNA test been done?) If you're not the father, then there would be no need to tell you, now would there?
2007-03-22 09:48:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She was being considerate of what she knew you did not want. And obviuosly did not mind taking care of it on her own. Usually divorces are left ugly with women wanting child support. You should consider yourself lucky that she did not bring it up then. She may want you around now or want your help but give her a little credit for wanting you to not have to worry about what you did not want to begin with anyway.
2007-03-22 09:47:35 · answer #8 · answered by My two cents 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it isn't proper - it isn't fair and it wasn't the right thing to do. But it was done...
I'd have a DNA test done - vasectomy's rarely fail and "don't take".
Regardless of your exwifes reasoning, you now have a daughter to love and support. Congratulations!
2007-03-22 09:44:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not proper. She is either telling you the truth and didn't want to screw up your life, or the child is not yours so there was no need to tell you.
2007-03-22 10:05:36 · answer #10 · answered by Lila 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋