I am newly married, and my husband is the greatest man a woman could ever wish for, we click on just about every level. I have a 9 year old daughter that we are raising together. He is a great step-father to her, and loves her so much, and she loves him. Her natual father is an irresponsible, alcoholic, that is very selfish and immature, that visits with her on holidays, or once in a blue moon. He claims to love her, but he does not support her financially or emtionally, nor is he active in her daily life. She is very nervous around him, but she loves his family, aunts, uncles, and gramdma, etc. My question is if I were to die, would my present husband be able to keep her as his daughter, or would the courts hand her over to her biological father, who has been absent all these years. I was never married to her biological father. Do you know of anyone that this has happened to, should I get a lawyer?, or would having a living will help? I am looking for serious advice.
2007-03-22 02:34:32 · 12 answers · asked by Maria A. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it depends on how long you've been with your current husband. The courts will do whatever is less intrusive in the child life. They'll also take into consideration what she wants to do. If you died, 99% of the time she'd stay with her current father, not the alcoholic, because she could still have the same routine, same friends, same everything, minus the mother, if they sent her to her father, everything would change.
2007-03-22 05:54:42 · answer #1 · answered by KidBao 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The question is would he fight for her? First of all it would make it more difficult if he is on her birth certificate, which I'm assuming he is! I don't know about the step-father getting custody over the biological father, even if he is the better parent! If the two of you haven't been together that long I don't think it would be the best idea to have him raise your child. On the other hand I think that if you've been together for a while and even have children of your own together that may work in your favor, seeing as how you wouldn't want your children separated. Your best bet would be to talk to a lawyer and see if you could leave the children to your husband or even your mother (if you know she would be willing to work something out with your husband). I am in a similar situation with a 9 year old daughter and would not want them raising my child (or separating her from her 7 yr old sister! Until then the only advise I can give you is to do what I'm doing and pray that if something should happen to you (God forbid) that it doesn't happen for at least another 3-4 years. By that time she should be old enough to speak for herself and choose where she wants to be!
2007-03-22 09:56:09 · answer #2 · answered by Mia 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Two things would guarantee that your husband gets to take care of your daughter. Make a living will and have him adopt your daughter. If you do these two things, no court could overturn your decision to have your husband raise your daughter.
2007-03-22 10:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that....
You need to ask your daughter if she wants to see her Bio father, if she says no then you need to ask your Hubby if he will adopt your daughter. this still leaves the door open for her bio father to see her, she knows he exists. But this protects her if something should happen to you.....You also need to have a will that states that you are concerned with giving her up to the Bio dad. All of these options are a very small price to pay for the security and future of the daughter you all Love.
2007-03-22 09:40:23 · answer #4 · answered by Uncle Red 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You can put it in your will and that will allow your husband to fight for custody but legally unless her father signs over his rights She would go to her biological father if he wanted her. You best bet now is to try to get him to give up his rights. get a lawyer.
2007-03-22 09:44:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would speak to a lawyer about this. It's a serious situation and you need to make sure that you get the correct advice about it.
2007-03-22 09:40:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but........... unless your ex relinquishes his rights to your daughter he gets her upon your death. I would get with a lawyer and get this taken care of. As if your ex is as bad as you say, do your daughter a favor and fight long and hard to keep her safe.
I personally would not leave my child to a step parent. Reason is.............. step parents generally do not stay in contact with the child's biological family. Rendering that child to become familiess! It happens every day.
Your husband may be a great guy. But we all have a dark side. Believe me. You haven't seen his!
You owe it to your daughter to send her to her relatives! Not with step dad!
2007-03-22 09:43:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have your current adopt her and than you have nothing to worry about. if you dont than yes your daughter unless hses old enough to be alone or choose than shed go to her real dad
2007-03-22 10:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.Vick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if it comes down to a custody battle weather in your will or not i believe that the biological parent has a very good chance of regaining custody
2007-03-22 09:40:17 · answer #9 · answered by gands4ever 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
put it in your will, you do have one right? Living wills are for planning your health care in the event you become unable to make those decisions for yourself.
2007-03-22 09:38:23 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋