I am in love with a woman, we have been friends for many years and in the last two years have developed feelings for one another. We want to get married but the problem is she is already married, She had an arranged marriage and they basically have a loveless marraige. He tells her if she leaves he will do something drastic, he is very dependent on her. We love each other beyond belief but she also does not want him to hurt himself. Her husband also knows she loves someone else but refuses to leave her. Any suggestions?
2007-03-22 02:34:18 · 22 answers · asked by JOHN 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This must be a very difficult situation for you both....and it's hard to give advice without all the details, such as if there are children, and what he might mean by "something drastic". Life is often short and it sounds as if all 3 people in this situation are all very unhappy and it's a shame to waste 3 whole lives on a situation that could well be changed for the better. She does not owe her life to him, she should not stay with him or accept his emotional blackmail, but I understand that there are serious consequences behind his threat, but really, she cannot live her life in fear and neither can you. You have to both stand up for yourselves, if he chooses to do something to himself that his choice, you cannot blame another person for such unhappiness. She was not put on this earth as a sacrifice for him!! Please do whatever you can to be together, handle this guy delicately, of course it's sad for him, very sad, but you cannot throw your lives together and all the potential happiness you could both have. He owes it to himself too to realize that he shouldn't hold her back, he could also be happy with someone else! Good luck, I really hope it works out for you both, you sound really in love....
2007-03-22 02:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by HC123 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A marriage is a marriage. Imagine if it were you she was married to. I realize you can't be totally independent on this, but the husband is going to be pissed, to put it mildly. I would be very angry. We read a whole lot of stuff here about folks not working out their marriages, and that's just when 2 people are involved. I understand you love her, but she was never yours to begin with. It is a sad situation, but she must work through it on her own.
Homework: Go to the video store and rent "The Bridges of Madison County". It will make you very sad, but this is because it will present you with the reality you and she are living. It is a lie to pretend she did not make a commitment to another man earlier in her life. Circumstances do not matter, we have cultural variations of marriage everywhere that need to be respected.
Now, if she can decide to divorce her husband you have a different story, but you have to respect her commitment until she decides to break her commitment. You cannot break her commitment for her. I realize you're not likely to like this answer, and I'm not going to have the best one, but honestly, it is the most morally right answer I think there is for this issue.
Good Luck!
Take some time out from this for some serious "clear your head" time. Do something fun with your guy friends for a few weekends and let this air out in your mind.
2007-03-22 09:36:57 · answer #2 · answered by notasperfectasyou 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You may not like my answer, but I will give anyway. What you are doing is stealing some body's wife. If you were true friend, the moment you came to know that she was married, you should have advised her (or helped her) to solve her marriage problem. You or she will never be truly happy in the future. Think again, what would you do if this was your wife and somebody else was trying to steel her from you?
2007-03-22 09:59:34 · answer #3 · answered by GV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think she should just leave him. His threats to harm himself are probably just that...threats. He is apparently desperate to keep her and feels that this might make her stay. The actual likelihood that he would do something to himself is not very high. This woman that you love should not be made to spend the rest of her life with a man she does not love simply because he wants her there. It is her life, she should not put off living it simply because she feels responsible for his life. Best of luck!:)
2007-03-22 09:40:32 · answer #4 · answered by Sophie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that's a hard question...as I woman I never would stay with a man I am not in love with and I can't believe she is staying with her husband just for the reason that she fears he will do something drastic...I understand this is an indefinet situation...maybe you should question your relationship? I don't think she loves you beyong belief...people in love are very selfish..
2007-03-22 09:39:43 · answer #5 · answered by Tanja S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm... well, if she's married, she's married. End of discussion. I would leave her alone and let her work out her situation on her own. His threats are just a way of manipulating her to stay. But let her decision be her OWN. Not influenced by you. If she really wants to divorce and be with you, she'll figure out a way. Just step back and leave her be. Don't pursue her.
2007-03-22 09:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by justme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Over and over you hear "Oh, but they were in a bad marriage." Be it hitting, or loveless, it's always, ALWAYS the other person's fault. Always!!!
I appreciate that you love eachother, but you are both cads for cheating. The dh knows she cheats, and lets her...as you say, but he will hurt himself if she leaves? That makes no sense either.
I think you are in love with someone who lies. Find a woman with no strings and stop messing up your future by racking up bad karma now.
2007-03-22 09:38:05 · answer #7 · answered by WriterMom 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well dear john
love has its own advantages and disadvantages
urs is a different case.
u both have moven on in life and are nw in positions of grace and status.well nw life has moved on so should u so just stay as good frnds and share everything u can with her abd u both can call it loveleave aside the world .
and plz dont make her husband feel bad coz thnk abt it wat if u we in her place.
well be brave and face the truth.
2007-03-22 10:09:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she really wants to change her situation, then she has to get a divorce. His threats are just a method of controlling her.
If she refuses to divorce him, then you have to bow out. Its one or the other.
2007-03-22 09:40:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh!! i feel really helpless with ur problem......thats the tough situation i hope....but still my suggestion is that u all 3 shud have a talk....n more importantly u b clear that she too wishes to share her life with u...n thn try 2 sort out d problem
2007-03-22 09:40:20 · answer #10 · answered by dia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋