I have already asked about my ex here once and got some very good detailed replies. I was unfaithful and he found out and left me (not right away though, took him a while). 5 months later, we are still spending time together, I find it extremely painful and keep trying to make him come back. He keeps saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me because he does not love me. However, we have made love several times since the break up, a couple of times while he was drunk (he's a lovely drunk) and several times sober. When we do it, it feels like he's in love with me... he kisses and touches me only like a man in love would... like he used to when we were a couple. Once sex is over, he clams up again and denies any emotional attachment, only admits that he "cares" about me but wants us to "just be friends"... When I ask what kind of "just friends" make love, he says nothing. What should I do? Should I hang around and wait for him to one day change his mind and fall for me again?
2007-03-22 02:26:52 · 14 answers · asked by ozkiska2love 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
what do you expect? if he loves you or not, it doesnt matter. it could be that he just likes sex. ever think of that? its not you, its not him... its sex, and thats what he wants
2007-03-22 02:32:01 · answer #1 · answered by Imperia Studios 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stop sleeping with him because all you are doing is emotionally hurting yourself....Obviously, it is over between the two of you and you need to start moving forward. He has expressed himself to you and told you how he feels. Either you accept his answer on or continue being sexually used for his needs. There was a reason why you cheated as well so you couldn't be completely happy with him or with relationship neither. My advice to you is, just to let things go. You are worth so much more and you deserve to find someone that completes you...... As for him, if the two of you can be friends than thats great but sometimes you can't be friends with your "ex" especially when theres no more respect there.
2007-03-22 03:05:03 · answer #2 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooooh Man! That sounds exactly like something I went through only a short time ago!
First of all...no kudos on the unfaithful part...no go zone and I'm surprised he still stuck by you for a bit! Shows he must have SOME feelings for you.
But what happened with me is that I loved the guy and this guy had feelings for me too, but nowhere near the same amount as I had for him. He never knew I loved him and always thought I was at the same emotional level as him. But this caused tension which eventually caused arguments...we went from lovers to friends to him telling me I ruined his life and I'm non-existant to him now!
I KNEW that by continuing to still be with him, I was digging myself deeper and even with the hindsight I have, I still doubt that would've stopped me from bring with him every moment I possibly could. That's lack of will power on my part and wanting to squeeze out whatever I could from the relationship.
I know you just don't sleep with someone who doesn't love you back, but I'm not a good Catholic...I succumbed to temptation!
But if you have the strength and will power and determination and you're not lazy like me, I'd say step right away or else you'll get hurt harder later on!
And also, if you end it now, you guys could still be friends. The guy I loved was REALLY harsh to me in the end and I really dislike him for that now...unfortunately, I'm not completely over him yet and so I still have some rage mixed in with hurt inside me and that affects my life on various occassions. I've tried to fix it by calling a truse so that there's peace between us, but he won't communicate with me at all.
Trust me...you don't want what I've got with this dude!!!
And there's plenty of "just friends" that make love....it only works if you both are on the same page though.
2007-03-22 02:40:07 · answer #3 · answered by Wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this situation is very typical especially if you guys dated for a while. My ex and I did the same thing. But really that's all it was, sex. Once we figured it out that we were getting together for that because it "felt natural" and we knew what to expect. He knew what I liked and vice versa. You have to get past that or you'll never get over him. He could be "using you" out of convience until he finds what he is looking for. I suggest to quit making love with him until you both get the emotional part figured out.
2007-03-22 02:38:25 · answer #4 · answered by Ambre B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does love you. He just can't get over what you did to him. I bet when he's making love to you it's just about the two of you, but when he's done the other guy pops in his head and thats why he clams up. You need to show him that you desire no one else. Yes you made a mistake, and know that. Let him know you are sorry. I know how he feels, you can't get the picture out of your mind of the one you love, loving someone else. Good luck.
2007-03-22 02:33:50 · answer #5 · answered by live, love, laugh often! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I'd cut him loose. He's still hurt because you cheated on him and he may never get over that. Since you are still in love with him you might be reading into things a little too much (thinking that it feels like he's in love with you) and by continuing to have sex with him you're probably doing emotional damage to yourself. Best to go your seperate ways I think. I don't think you should allow him to continue using you for sex... because if he doesn't love you that's all he's doing.
2007-03-22 02:33:55 · answer #6 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reality check. He is not making love with you. He is having sex with you. Don't try to make it sound like more than it is. You do yourself no good in doing so.
Stop having sex with him. Only then will you really know if he cares about you or not. Stop waiting for him to come back to you. Start living your life again.
2007-03-22 02:33:24 · answer #7 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want him back stop having sex with him..He needs to feel what its like to be without you...As long as he is still having sex with you he's not going to want to be with you..Hes getting sex and hes not in a relationship what can be better than that...Just stop acting like you care, don't wait for him, give him his space, let him contact you, in the meantime find something to keep busy...If he comes back to you then that means he does love you...But while your giving him ass I doubt hes gonna want to go back with you..Plus he's probably taking advantage right now that your vulnerable...
2007-03-22 02:31:36 · answer #8 · answered by Alejandra2008 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's probably not gonna come back. He just loves the fact that he can have sex without being committed and you're the one who's gonna end up hurt in the process. You will be waiting and waiting while he's gonna be deattaching himself from you by just thinking of you as a piece of meat. just let him go.
2007-03-22 02:35:24 · answer #9 · answered by ileana i 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your assuming a lot about what he supposedly feels according to you. Xs do get together to have sex. Not often, but it happens. Let him go and find someone else. Then don't make the same mistake you made before.
2007-03-22 02:34:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go you have hurt him enough.. you do the right thing and say no you must move on and find someone to love who will be faithful and respect you... He may just be using you and hurting you as well.. Let go both of you...
2007-03-22 02:32:51 · answer #11 · answered by MJ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋