my husband will not talk to me about none of our problems he says it only starts fights. he told me he just didnt care about it and didnt ever think and dont care how i fell.
2007-03-22 02:23:12 · 14 answers · asked by karen s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
make him licen. or leave him
2007-03-22 02:26:47 · answer #1 · answered by lisaanndubay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this man is selfish. For a husband to tell you he doesn't think or care about how you feel says a lot about your relationship. I know I was in a similar situation for 25 yrs and am now divorced. Every strong marriage has to have communication, love, and respect, for both parties. One person can not make a relationship work it takes a lot of hard work and a lot of love.
During a time when you are not arguing talk to him about how you feel when he says he doesn't care for your feelings and ask him if he is willing to go to counseling, and I mean individual for both of you and also marriage counseling, if you do not have the money there are programs that go on your income and counseling could be free or almost free. If he refuses to get help it's because he doesn't want and/or feels he needs help. You then need to leave him even if it is only on a trial basis.
I know you can't be happy in this situation and everyone deserves to be happy. I know your probably thinking if I do this differently he'll change or if I show him I love him more he'll care more. You can give him the moon, the stars, and the heavens and he still will not care about you or your feelings.
Only give this marriage a fighting chance if he is willing to do his part to make this a marriage and not just a living arrangement. Take care of yourself and be strong in whatever decision you make. My prayers are with you
2007-03-22 10:16:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an irresposible human being. Husband and wife work out things together for the better. I think you need to really take a good look at his feeling for you. Staying with someone who doesn't care at all is painful. It would be good if you can give more information as in how in the world this man become so careless. Then I can give you some idea to work things out.
2007-03-22 09:30:24 · answer #3 · answered by Master M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they're just "your" problems. He might see everything fine and dandy, as long as he's content and "getting" what he wants.
If you are so depressed, angry, sad, numb, or fed up with it, and are unable to "provide" for his "needs", he will either force "it" out of you, or find someone else willing to "submit".
Another reason he may not want to discuss anything with you is because women have a remarkable knack of remembering every single tidbit while most men just remember the drift of it, so keeping the argument focused on one tiny situation becomes difficult as the woman is bringing into the conversation things the guy said half a century ago, under the influence, and off the top of his head!
Now, what you have to ask yourself is one simple question:
Is it worth it?
Is it worth giving up the marriage you've worked so hard to contain for a mature-age singles life?
Is it worth leaving one den for another hole?
Is it worth riding the tide until a better wave comes along?
What's in it for you?
If you answer 'Love', then stick to your guns and talk it through with him until he understands- and it may take a lifetime or more, but when it's worth it...you know!
2007-03-22 09:41:25 · answer #4 · answered by canguroargentino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Karen, this man is a jerk. He says this crap because its a way of his keeping control over you. Not to mention it makes it so he doesn't have to lift a finger to fix any problems between you. Even though he is the problem.
You cant bite your toung and stay till you cant stand it any longer. Or you can just ignore the problems and live your life separately from him. That's right. Drop all the issues. And get your self a life out side of the life you have with him.
Go out with girlfriends. Go see your Mom, brother and sisters. Plan family gatherings. And go, go, go. He will eventually notice your not around much any more. LOL Believe me, he will wonder where he went wrong!
2007-03-22 09:36:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it does start fights, then maybe you both need to get counseling. A counselor can help you with effective communication skills. Husbands hate when the wife nags and they will just hole up. Instead of saying "you" say "I feel" or "I am hurt when.." This will put the pressure off of him and he might talk to you. Though if he just doesn't care, maybe you need to think if this marriage is worth it anymore. Good luck.
2007-03-22 09:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask you a question, When you bring up a problem do you bring it up in a way that sounds like you are accusing him of the problem?
Many people do that and it will become a fight. I would suggest that you take another approach to discussing problems.
Most of men will do anything to avoid fighting so I think that by talking without pointing fingers you will be able to get to the heart of the matter
2007-03-22 09:30:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then leave him. He has clearly stated he does not care. Or tell him your going to do something that you know he won't like and do it and then tell him you tried to talk to him but he would not listen. And remember you can't make a leopard change his spots. If your wanting him to change some things that you did not notice before then its your own fault. You should have tried to see if you could deal with him before you got married. Or you might need to give him the best lovin he has ever had and while he laying there relaxed then start talking to him.
2007-03-22 09:31:01 · answer #8 · answered by My two cents 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, stop burdening him with your issues and problems for a while. Try doing something fun, something he enjoys. Show him that YOU CAN have fun and be fun to be around. He's probably really TIRED of it always being drama/issues etc, and the only way he knew how to shut you up was to hurt your feelings. Are they really problems, or are these things that you think HE needs to fix and change?
2007-03-22 09:30:34 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the 2 of you should get some counciling. If you can't talk to each other, then whats the point of living together. If you want to save this marriage, then go for therapy. If there is no point, which I think its over, then seperate and try that for a while. You can't go on this way.
2007-03-22 09:29:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you talk to your husband about your problems, do you whine and cry, or do you discuss these issues like an adult? This may be why he doesn't want to talk to you.
2007-03-22 09:59:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋