my in laws will not accept me as i have a child from my previous marriage and they think i am an embarrasment to them.....just because a woman brings up the child....why does SHE have to suffer with pointing fingers and rude accusations..... i bet my ex husband doesnt get the same treatment as i do. no one questions my current husband for all the previous relationships he had with white and asian girls. Why cant my new in laws just be glad that i am a respectable person and i am the same background as their son.... i was referred to be in the gutters and low life by my mother in law.....is this not unacceptable. Who do i turn to?
2007-03-22 01:21:50 · 18 answers · asked by stars 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some people stick to religious beliefs when they are convenient. Your mother-in-law probably does not like something about you and is using insults to support her dislike for you.
The best thing for you to do is to ignore her ignorance. She does not have any right to insult you and should not be doing so, but she is using whatever fire power she can against you.
Another thing you could try is to call her out on it in public. Try to get her to support her argument in front of others outside of your family. When she starts talking and everyone realizes how horrible she sounds, she will be embarrassed. She might even learn from the experience.
The other thing you can do is to talk to your husband and ask him to talk to his mother. Remind him that you are his wife and he should not allow his mother to be so rude to you. He should tell her that she has no right to be so hurtful to his wife.
Take care,
Troy
2007-03-22 01:55:22 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Madam I dont know from which country you are from, still I would like to express my personnel views.
Since ancient times females have been harassed by their own counterparts through out the world. In western country the life style though its different still females have been not more then toys.
One should know that a female is not just a lover/girlfriend/wife she is also a mother/sister/daughter/engine of home sweet home
Its the courage and good thoughts of your current husband that can only bring you the love and respect in the new family. To bring down the accusation fingers he need to address/speak out to them.
Your case seems to be quite genune and its because of property and other assett that you would be seeking after becoming his wife legally.
You may be well aware of such consiquence before getting in to marriage. The option would be that first you try your levell best to give all your love and respect to all the family members. Disregard their behaviour and give them some mental satisfaction that you dont need their property or any thing else.
Dont mind criticism, if untrue just disregard, if unfair just stay calm,if ignorant just smile. I think it would bear a fruit.
Small req. dont allow the relationship shadow cover your children.
2007-03-23 06:31:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta earn your respect. Prove it by your acts that you deserve equal respect. About your ex-husband - I'm sure he would be pointed out as an immature, irresponsible person by the ones who know him. The only difference is he has his parents to stand by his side and you don't. Things would have been different if you had been with your parents.
About your in-laws, they chose you - right. Abusing you for your past would be an insult to their own decision. Specially your MIL. She's a lady and should understand your feelings. talk to your husband and ask him to help in such a situation.
All the best...
:-)
2007-03-22 15:21:06 · answer #3 · answered by plato's ghost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is called a Double Standard. I think that most mothers are not completely happy with who their children choose for a spouse. They will always think that their child deserves better even if you are the best thing that has/or will happen to their child. Just continue to be a respectable person and hopefully your mother in law will change her mind about you. Good luck!!
2007-03-22 12:44:50 · answer #4 · answered by unknown2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of general statements creat misguiding opinions in the minds of peple while it is not true.REMEBER every corner of this world is full of troubles.
happiness is scarcity and troubles are plenty.
If u will not marry then also there are problems.
If u will marry once then also there are problems (ofcourse of differnt types)
If u marry twice or thrice then also you are about to face problems.
than what to do?
answer is when you are on a point of decision select which may seem to you as solving your current problem.
Rememer every medicine has its side effects, doctor selects one which has lesser side effects. Also one good for you may be worst for others body.(for his individual capacity or capability to take that medicine)
There are very few solutions of the problem like" kill the serpent in such a way that it is killed and the stick is unbroken."
no bodys experience is totally appliable to another one in all aspects. it can be helpful in deciding but not as yardstick.
ponder upon this.
PLEASE BE POSITIVE.
2007-03-22 09:03:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a long talk with your husband. Then your husband needs to man up and have a long long talk with his family. He needs to protect you from anyone that would treat you like that. Allowing this to happen is a form of spousal abuse and hanging around and taking it is not a good idea. If your husband is not willing to help you then you need a good attorney because this is totally consensual abuse if your husband does not step in and stop this uncalled for behavior.
2007-03-22 08:36:52 · answer #6 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Indians are still orthodox mind wise and so you cant change them, if your husband is on your side then just adjust to circumstances if no then if you have a secured job start staying independently with your child so that he gets a secured environment and his life becomes safe.
2007-03-22 10:30:11 · answer #7 · answered by rema e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey hey hey ... look , unfortunately you got a short minded pair of persons called parents in law, you are letting their opinion hurt your feelings and might hurt your kid and your new marriage , so ,their right to hurt you ends where your right to be respected and your right to be happy starts ,and that starts with you, respect yourself select who is a positive influence and who is not ,not everyone has to have perfect relationships with their in laws , provided the umbilical cord has been cut from them in your husby.... just try to talk to your husband dont make him feel bad or take sides , its just...a bad circumstance(the in laws short mind), that will have to be overcame, hopefully he will have enough maturity and know how to value you. your ex....is your ex ... why is he in the picture?you love him?no? ok ...then don't compare ... he probably is a big looser ..because he lost you.
2007-03-22 08:31:34 · answer #8 · answered by robertman30s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband tell them to be polite or stay away? He should, these people are trash! There is no way they should be talking like that to their sons wife. If anything they should be treating your child like a grandchild, because He / She is now.........Hubby better nip this behavior in the bud quick.
2007-03-22 08:40:13 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is not exactly wide spread. Plenty of families welcome a spouse with children from a previous marriage. The problem is not people as a whole, the problem is your in-laws.
Screw them. You didn't marry them and you should not concern yourself with what they think.
2007-03-22 08:26:37 · answer #10 · answered by Grampa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋