this is the first haiku that i've written:
Hatred
Why can you not see
This feeling lies inside me?
Sorrows deep within
This hatred concealed
A scrapped heart that can't be healed
Sorrows unrevealed
A thought of solace
A feel of being envious
Sorrows in chorus
Hating in distance
This walls being a hindrance.
Vengeance just for once.
10 will be the highest and 1 for the lowest. (.^___^.)
2007-03-22 00:32:18 · 11 answers · asked by Muchan_6 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
hey i beg you don't copy this work of mine 'cause this is based from my anger towards my mortal enemy.
if you copy this well that means you were mesmerized by a work of a thirteen years old!
curse those who'll disobey!!
2007-03-22 00:51:49 · update #1
Absolutely wonderful, extremely well written. I never would have guessed you are only thirteen. Sounds like you may have a successful writing career going on, girl!
2007-03-22 01:49:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 - I too wonder about the hatred. Mortal enemies? At 13? A haiku is only one verse. There are a couple rough spots - It would be a FEELING of being envious - but of course that didnt fit. And it would be "This wall's being a hindrance" -- with the contraction not the plural. I think you call your poem hatred, but it shows a lot of mixed emotions - sorrow and envy as well as hatred. Sounds like you are very confused. Hon, if this is about a guy, believe me - he ain't worth it. There are many fish in the sea and at age 13, they are still only baby fish. Just wait until you grow up and see how hard the guy thing gets.
I am reminded of an old saying "the love in your heart wasn't put there to stay - love isn't love till you give it away" - spending your time on emotions like hatred and vengeance will only hurt one person - YOU. Pax - C.
2007-03-22 02:42:59 · answer #2 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
8
2007-03-22 02:14:34 · answer #3 · answered by csemahesh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will copy it if only to see the curse would come true. I give it 81/2, although i'm still wondering why so much hate. The lines certainly rhyme. Or is that because every verb does when in past tense.
2007-03-22 01:08:12 · answer #4 · answered by Biqo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a bad poem, but by definition this is not considered a Haiku. I rate is a 6.
2007-03-22 02:11:37 · answer #5 · answered by dreamer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10
:]
2007-03-22 00:40:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10! i like it! but i dont think posting it here is not a good idea because other people may copy it.
2007-03-22 00:44:33 · answer #7 · answered by sophisticated14 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10/10.....very original :)
2007-03-22 00:48:14 · answer #8 · answered by yoshi_693 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
9 great job :D
2007-03-22 00:34:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
9.5 thats cool. nice work ;)
2007-03-22 00:39:47 · answer #10 · answered by PERSIAN PRINCESS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋