My husband had an affair for several weeks during the Hoildays. When he told me about it he said that he did not love me anymore and had not for years. Now that I have taken him back he said that he did not know why he said that what he said and that he never stopped loving me or the kids. I have a hard time believing this. How can you be married for 15 years and say you love someone that you hurt so badly. He cries and says that he really did love us and I believe him, but am I jsut falling for the tears?
2007-03-21 23:57:53 · 14 answers · asked by Braydens' mommy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He probably got scared once he left. After 15 years, he was probably getting bored or feeling like he didn't love you, but what he was really doing was feeling sorry for himself. He found someone who was exciting and new, and he thought that was where he should be. Then he left you, told you he didn't love you, and had to face life without the woman he's been with for 15 years.
The question you need to ask yourself is:
Is it love, or comfort, that brought your husband back?
I hope you work everything out, that's a long time to give up on.
2007-03-22 00:03:47 · answer #1 · answered by ski4ever1977 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Michelle,is it because the woman that he had an affair with finally got tired of him, or his not getting what he wanted from her?? Ask yourself, why did he had this affairs in the first place, and the worst thing of it is during holiday. It sounds like you forgiven him already, but take my words for it,you will not forget what he did. He took away the trust that you have for him.
I caught mine having an affair for 2 months and right before holiday as well, but the worst thing of it was he ruined my 3 teenagers life and holiday. I can't forgive him because after 22 long years, all the unconditional love that I gave him, he told me last December that he has deep feelings for this married woman. The problem didn't comes from me and no not sex either because he doesn't know how to please me but it was I that pleased him.
I might offend you but I think you are falling for the tears,since you have a big heart,you feel sad that he cries. If he loves you,really loves you, why did he hurt you by telling you that he don't have feeling for you anymore. So just think about it, do not get caught on that web anymore,or else you'll get hurt worst than before. Follow your instinct and your heart, you and the kids does not deserve this heavy drama in your life,.............good luck to you!!
2007-03-22 00:32:27 · answer #2 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have any kind of proofs that he had affair with someone else, might be he was out of his mind when he said that, this mostly happend in today world, because of too much work pressure, tensions, man forgets what he is doing, what is he saying, etc. If you still have a doubt on him, talk to him clearly & make it clear, also tell him & show him how much you love him. I'm sure he loves you & the children. Sometime it happens a man falls in love with other women even though he has a family with children, but if the children are too small then he loves the family as small children are loved by everyone. So just stop crying & be strong. Only you can find solutions for your problems.
2007-03-22 00:15:08 · answer #3 · answered by Jairam K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, men get confused about their feelings. He may love his family dearly, but be burned out about the love relationship between you and him. Instead of "having a hard time believing this," take the man at his word. These things happen over time, and you surely knew something was wrong. I'm not saying it's your fault, but there are probably things you can do to help improve the relationship. Do you keep up your appearance? Are you attentive to your husband, or are the children your first priority? Are you a controlling wife? Do you take your man on guilt trips, because of your own insecurities? You need to seriously address these issues.
2007-03-22 01:22:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence, but the damage he caused by saying he didn't love u anymore, can't easily be undone, and the tears he is showing now won't make u believe him so easily. think it just didn't work out with her, so now he is trying to get u back, but if someone told me that they didn't love me anymore, i probably would never believe anything again. the damage has already been done, he burned his bridges, will be hard for u to get back the love u once felt, because words once said are hard to take back, wounds caused by the mouth just don't heal that easily.
2007-03-22 00:26:57 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are falling for tears. I honestly believe SOMETIMES a person cheats on their spouce because they want something different. They need to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. He may have broken your heart, but just think, YOU are the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Not the other one.
And if I am wrong, I have some steel toed boots that I can borrow from my boyfriend and you can kick him in the nuts.
2007-03-22 00:05:52 · answer #6 · answered by firey_aries_gurl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cheaters always regret their actions. He is realizing his mistake and that what he had was good and he almost ruined it. I do believe he is sorry, but now that he sees that you will take him back with a few tears, he may try it again when the opportunity arises, assuming he can have his little fling, and then you'll just take him back.
2007-03-22 00:30:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there can be many reasons for an affair, poor sex, lack of sex, maybe he feels he is not a stud anymore, maybe you both are not as close to each other as you once were, etc. If you take him back thats up to you, but he has broken that trust and must earn it back plus be leary of him doing it again. And lastly have him tested for any std's for your safety.
2007-03-22 00:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by glazer_098 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love you, if he did he would have never broken his marriage vows and if he gets a chance to do it again he would and he knew exactly what he was saying when he told you that he is just using excuses to hold on to you and you may forgive but you will never forget.
2007-03-22 00:06:23 · answer #9 · answered by Mary O 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No they don't. Once a cheater will always be a cheater. A cheating heart deserves no mercy.
2007-03-22 00:04:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋