i am hurt please need advice..................?

Question

it so happened since we got married my husband does not want me to go to my parents house with the kid he said he is upset with my parents he says once they spoke rude to him and thats why they dont like him it had happened about 9yrs back he says he cant foget please tell me since 5yrs since my son was born i could not take my son to my parents now he says i can go alone to my parents house if i want and that would not stepin that house again eversince i notice it was only once my father was a bit in angry with him but later they had admitted their fault and they keep coming and visiting us why is he like that both family cannot get in good terms although my inlaws always complain about me and my work i did not say a word to my parents and when i ask my husband why that his mother is always complaining about me and i would like to stay separate he shouts at me i am feeling very hurt with his behavoiur please tell me what should i do how to handle this stituations

Answer 1

he sounds very controlling, can't forgive your parents, but u are suppose to forgive his. u are suppose to live by a different standard than him, why? why allow him to be in control of everything, if he won't visit your family, u don't visit his. he sounds very insecure, unable to take any criticism at all. he needs to let things go and stop being so touchy about everything.

Answer 2

If I understand your question, you husband has reluctantly allowed you to visit your parents alone now but you can't take your son. He doesn't like your parents and is punishing them by keeping your son from their house.
Also, he gets mad because you want to stay away from his parents because you are aware that they are critical of you and complain about you.
I think you must feel hurt because he won't even admit his parents are a problem and he looks like he's defending them because he doesn't take your side when they are so critical of you.
Well, I think he is afraid of both sets of parents. He has parents who are critical and demanding - probably of him, too, even if you don't see it. He has LIVED with that. Now, he comes up against a little bit of that in your parents when they said something rude to him. AHA! That he can do something about. He punishes them. Sort of - they can still visit you but they lose the privilege of having you visit with your son. He's had some effect but he hasn't cut ties with your parents completely - that's a good thing.
I think you must deal with your hurt feelings (because you would like him to see it all from your side) and be happy things are at least as calm as they are at the moment. He may never be able to deal with his parents and he's not very trusting of yours. Sure, your parents did apologize but I'll be he thought it was too little, too late.
I have to admit - in-laws can be a problem so I'm not going to say it is all his fault that he can't deal wtih this problem. In-laws are people you grew up with and so you can handle them but then when you get married, they become someone else's problem! Ugh! Just try to make the best of it and hope that as in-laws grow older, they mellow.

Answer 3

He is a control freak. What you have to do is think about leaving. I say this, because if you put your foot down and take the kids to see your parents then he could get worst . So you need to decide if living this life of bondage worth your disconnection from your people and being abused by his people that he think is ok for his mother to trash you. I could tell you some things to do, but to me you sound like a fragile person and I'm not the type to back down to a man or anyone for that matter if I'm being used or abused. LEAVE OR STAY. WHICH ONE?

Answer 4

Well honey, it seems like you need to get a grip of how to write and use proper grammar. I am not sure exactly how many questions or sentences there were in your lengthy plea for some advice.
After you have gone back to school and learned how to read and write then I would suggest that the two of you get to a marriage counselor ASAP.
If you can not work it out through some therapy then you may be headed for divorce court.
Sorry to say.

Take your time with him, he will probably be very sensitive. Go slowly and let him know how you love him.
Good luck!!

Answer 5

He is trying to isolate you from people that love you and may see him for what he is. I am willing to bet that the control freak in him does not end with his forbidding you to go to your parents' home. Does he choose your friends? Question your whereabouts? Accuse you of things if you're 5 or 10 minutes late? Ask "who's that" everytime you get a phone call? Search your purse? Require you to be by his side for every spare minute he has?

If you've answered yes to at least two of the questions above, this is not a healthy relationship. Find a counselor and get help....even if you have to go alone.

Answer 6

Remember this... no one will ever love you like your family.
I have been there .. thank God I never let my spouse seperate me from my family. Spouse is no longer around .. BUT my family is always there for me . As for his parents ... don't get him involved in your trifle... Your son... well he is both his and yours. I think you need to speak with him NOT argue and let him know that your parents are also the child Grandparents .
I don't know the type of relashionship you have with your spouse , but respecting each other is a must if you both wanted to last . Hope I was of some help. Good Luck : )

Answer 7

Put your foot down. Your husbands family needs to show you the same respect, he wants your parents to give him. I would have your parents over for dinner. Your children should not be punished because of your husband. I would tell your husband that your parents will apologize and that they have no ill feelings towards him. And this matter is to be done with. If he can't accept the apologize then maybe you should treat his mother in the same manor.

Answer 8

When in-laws are involved sometimes it makes it
difficult in marriage. Your husband needs to
accept that in-laws in a marriage may not be per-
fect but that they do exist. He should let you and
his son visit even though he does not want to and
if he does not then he is selfish, as him being mad
at your parents has nothing to do with his son as
he is only a child. As for his parents to you all you
can do is be respectful and better not say any-
thing to him as you know his reactions. All you can
really do is visit your parents when you can and
want to and keep trying to ask your husband to
be able to take your son and if he says no then
have your parents visit you. As for his parents all
you can do is be nice to them and remember
sticks and stones can break bones but don't ever
let words hurt you as life is already hard to live
anyway, Good luck.

Answer 9

This is clearly emotional abuse. If I read between the lines, there may be physical abuse as well. You husband DOES NOT have the right to tell you where you can or cannot go--much less take your child. He is using this silly excuse to control your life. One day your parents will be dead and gone. They, you and your child will all have lost a lot of time together because of the jerk you are married to! Tell him to kiss off and you will see your parents anytime you want. Also, you may want to talke to a family violence counselor about his treatment of you. Good luck!

Answer 10

First of all honey..what your parents and your husband said to one another is there business...Your husband would not appreciate you if you didn't allow him to see his parents...what a crock of $HIT...They are your parents!!! Point Blank...I understand you love your Husband...but your parents are first before him..and you have a child...you have the right to take your child and visit your parents...if he doesn't like it to bad...Reverse Pyschology...Everything can't be how he wants it...that's a form of Domestic Violence...it's Mental...I'd always kept my word that if my husband started **** with my family....see you gotta go...My family comes first...a mother and a father are precious...again he came after them...and 9 yrs...you good..wake up hun...They are your parents...you are their child...again...he don't like it...tell him to kiss your ***....