Teenage Pregnancy?

Question

My sister (18) has just told me she is pregnant, about 2months, has done home test, and they went to the doctors yesterday to have it confirmed.

Her partner is 19, and they were planning on going to university, and my sister still has 1 year at college left.

I've had 3 miscarriages, and an eptopic pregnancy, so I’ve automatically said - yes you must keep it.. But I don't want to give her the wrong advice, just based on my own experiences of pregnancies.

They are 50/50 about what to do; both sets of parents will not be happy about the pregnancy but will support them.

Its likely that my mum will say for her to have a termination, as she was never happy about me getting parent as a teenager..

What advice could I give to her... I’ve currently said for her and her partner to talk about it amongst themselves. And they have asked me to tell my mum when she comes up to the Midlands to visit soon...

..Have you been a teenage mum, what advice would you give?
Has your child been in this situation… what did you advise them?


Constructive answers ONLY!

Answer 1

Hey, I married at 16.5 yrs first kid at 17, miscarried 2nd baby a week ago. My Little girl is the best thing in my life, aside from my husband, parents and the Lord. I am a Christian, and I had planned to have a baby by 19. (I will be 18 in 7weeks.) It's up to them, but if you want to help them, remind them of what your babies meant to you. Even though an abortion is by choice it still would feel like a loss. (I don't believe in abortions)

Answer 2

This is such a sensitive subject, and while I have never been in either yours or your sisters' situation, the only person that can really make this decision is your sister. I hate to say it, but whether both sets of parents will not be happy about the pregnancy, it really has nothing to do with them, it is your sister and her partners baby and ultimatley their decision to make, regardless of everyone elses opinions. I think the best advise you could give your sister is what you have already given, she must talk about it with her partner and make a decision based on what they want, just let her know that whatever she decides, you will support her. My advice would be to think very hard about it before she makes a decision, and to follow her heart no matter what! I have a 4 month old little girl and I can say that a baby is the most precious and rewarding gift anyone can ask for! Also, if your sister decides to keep the baby, there is no reason that she cant still go to university as she planned! Good luck and god bless!

Answer 3

I'm a teen mom i had my first at the age of 14 and it's the best thing i ever done. i love my son with all my heart but that is a choice everybody has to make on there own you can't tell her what do to offer her help but listen to what she wants. if the baby is not something she wants there's always adoption too, the are hundreds of people that would love a baby but cant. i have two bays and I'm only 17 i love them both, I'm married to the man who fathered them and he's in the military WHO have been together 5 years. the best thing you could do is ask her what she wants and could she handle raising a baby. it's hard to do but if it's something you really want then she can do it just look at me i did. and to all you who say abortion that's wrong, it's the same as murder, what would you do if you had done that to you kids?beside if you have an abortion that goes wrong like some do then she may never be able to have kids my friend had an abortion and now she can't have kids she regrets it with all her heart

Answer 4

I'm 19 and have a 5 month old son.
I thought about abortion on but was glad i never went through with it.
I love my son to bits and couldnt imagine life without him.
If she has an abortion she may regret it all her life. She might get severe depression and there is a risk of her not being able to have kids one day.
Tell her you think she should keep her baby and that you will give her your help and support.
If she really doesn't want the baby then that is her choice but please make sure that it's what she really want and she is not pressured into it !
Being a young mum is not as bad as people think .
There are nurseries in most colleges for babies over 3 months.
Hope this helps x

Answer 5

I don't think it's a good idea for them to terminate the pregnancy. I am 19 and I am in my first year of college, and I am currently pregnant. My mother didn't like the idea, but no way would she want me to kill my child just because I'm a teenager. But all in all it doesn't matter if your mother is happy about your sister or you getting pregnant. What matters is your sister and her boyfriend/partner and the unborn child's best interest. if your sister feels like she can't care for the child, she could give it up for adoption rather than killing it.

I think that when your girls' mother comes, your sister and her boyfriend/partner should be there as well and you could be there for your sister's support.

Continue to support your sister. It will get hard, but in the end it'll be worth it.

I'm sorry about your misfortune with your past pregnancies. My best wishes to you both.

Answer 6

I would keep the baby. I was16 when I first got pregnant. My father told me to have an abortion but I wanted the baby I had my son when I was 17, plus I was a single parent. I got pregnant with my daughter at 18 I had her when I was 19. I got pregnant again 3 months after my 20th. My daughter was 1 year when I found out. My 3rd baby another daughter. At 20 I had 3 children. I waited a while then at 26 I found out I was pregnant again another daughter. I'm 29 now got 4 children and I don't regret a single thing

Answer 7

With the love and support of your friends and family you can do anything! Please don't suggest abortion to your sister! There are other options! I was adopted as a baby and couldn't have asked for a better family and life! I look at my two gorgeous children and the thought of them not being around (as they wouldn't be if my mum had aborted me) breaks my heart!!!

Also, I think your mum would appreciate it if they'd tell her themselves face to face rather than having you tell her. At least that would show her that they're mature enough to deal with the pregnancy and she might be more accepting (maybe not straight away, but after she's had a chance to think it over.)

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. My best friend had 2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. They had to remove her one tube and the doctor said her chances of conceiving were slim. She's now the proud mum of a beautiful 18month old baby boy and 4months into her 2nd pregnancy so hang in there! Best of luck to all of you!

Answer 8

This is a decision that only your sister can make and she needs to be realistic in as much as the odds (unfortunately) of her current relationship being her last are not favourable.

That said, the decision to terminate a pregnancy is not one to be undertaken lightly and she is going to need a lot of support emotionally whichever path she chooses, support that I am sure you and your family will be more than willing to supply.

The only advice I would give you is that you are going (whether you intend/want to or not) to have a very different stance on this situation to her and whatever you may think I am positive your parents willl only want what is best for her (as they no doubt did for you too).

To that end I would respectfully suggest that your sister should tell your Mum herself, however daunting that may be, because she needs to start seeing herself(despite how she probably feels right now) as a fully fledged adult, capable of handling this very difficult situation in order that she makes a decision that's right for her, rather than one that's right for everyone else.

I'm not saying don't be there and support her but you mustn't let yourself get too emotionally involved because (and trust me on this one) she will already have had the guilty feeling of 'but what about my sister?' and the last thing you (or she) needs is for you to be seen as opposing council by your parents if their viewpoint is as you suspect it will be.

As regards advice for her, why not get her to go to Brooke and get some unbiased counselling-they won't ask her to make any decisions but it would be someone with whom she can be completely honest because she will never have to see them again.

She might want to look into Universities with creches available too-they are out there, not least because many 'mature students' have children too.

Once she starts looking she'll probably feel more in control and more capable of an informed decision as a result-and at that point I would get her to talk to her college counseller in confidence-that way no one that she doesn't want to know will find out(whether that be at all or until she's ready) but she can establish how they are set facility-wise and if she does have a hard time either with the pregnancy or having terminated there is a friendly face in situe.

Your sister is about to do some very rapid growing up regardless of whether she wants to or not and other than perhaps supply a few phone numbers all you can do is be there to emotionally hold her hand.

Good luck to all.

Answer 9

My sister fell pregnant at 15 (I am 5 years older than her), she didn't know she was pregnant we thought she had a heart murmur, the nurse said she was 5 months pregnant, she was still having periods.

Now, my dad went balastic, mum cried for days, as soon as I found out I went to her room, and she was sitting on her bed, I put my arms around her and said to her what ever you choose to do with the baby, I'll be there to support her 100%.

She had a girl, mum and dad supported her, but not to much, as they wanted her to cope on her own.
She finished her exams, obviously never went back to school.

Dad came round and so did mum, I now have a 4 year old niece whom we all love to bits and I know one thing for sure is that I would never have coped as much as she did, and I've never have known a mum like her.

She is now thinking to go into part time work, and may be doing a course at college. She is a wonderful mum, and even though we all had some bad times, we have so much now as a family.

You just need to say that you'll be there for her, and don't put any pressure on what you think., let them find their own way. Things will work out either way x

Answer 10

I have been twice and at 21 now have a 4 yr old and 2 yr old. Its not as bad as people make it out to be. If the person is up to the responsibility then they will be fine. I went through school while taking care of my two alone because their biological father ran off. We are well off and I now have a man in my life who loves me and my two kids as they were his own. We are not struggling in life. Best advice is would be to figure out if they can handle and want to take on that responsibility. If not then give the child to someone who is. If they are up for it and want to then just do their best, love the child and I am sure they will be great parents.