My soon to be wife has initiated sex twice in the 4 years we've been together. About two months ago I sat down with her and maturely explained how much this affects me and that it is a really important issue for me. We talked about it for three hours and she compared this issue to a lack of romance coming from me. For the first time I really understood the importance of romance to her and ever since I have been REALLY working to be more romantic, writing her love letters, silly poems and sending flowers to her work, sexy phone calls and text messages. NOTHING! I thought she truly understood and she had made promises to be more active. Nothing has changed, and it seems like she is less interested in sex now more than ever. What gives??? I don't want to marry a block of ice!
2007-03-21 22:18:13 · 12 answers · asked by 65Cobra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think she is a block of ice, she just needs a different trigger. find out what turns her on.... try romance in a different way. try the touching romance... loooong and easy......... not smother her with all kinds of attentions which are kind and a good idea, but not initiators for sex. (flowers at work...?) romance as in candlelight, romance as in hanging together on the couch.... romance as in enticing her to want you.... it is possible but for every person there are different triggers. how about you ask her again if this is what she meant by romance and if she has any new ideas on how exactly she wants it?....just don't give up easily...
2007-03-21 22:25:23 · answer #1 · answered by freebird31wizard 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
What you see is what you get. If anything, even when premarital sex is the best, marriage usually puts a damper
on it & especially after having kids, if that happens. If she's as cold as you say, maybe she's really not a good match for you. This will very likely be a point of resentment once you are married, if not resolved prior to marriage.
2007-03-21 22:33:59 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. US of A, Baby! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.... My honest opinion? Don't give up on her yet. It's hard, but be a bit more subtle. Do you give her flowers ever Friday night? Big boo boo! Try changing things up a bit. You are going to marry her, so you should have some idea of what should surprise her! Try a massage. Friends give massages. Try going to the movies. SHAKE HER UP! If it takes you wearing lingerie that makes you feel silly, do it. Trust me, she would feel the same way when you make her wear that sexy outfit. realize that though women seem cold, they actually spend MORE time "getting ready for men" than you do.
2007-03-21 22:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by Lost Boy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont know how to tell you this but for some reason if you have to tell a man to be romantic when he is which is usually the next day it comes off a little insincere like say if you told your friend you needed him to be closer and then he texted you 20 times the next day..i know its like darned if you do darned if you dont.
I had the opposite problem,I was the one who was go at all times.Anyway this may sound weird but wait a couple of weeks then do something romantic so it seems more spontaneous and heartfelt.Take her back to where you had your first date.Pull out her chair or what not.Or this may sound a bit crude..learn how to go down,nothing as romantic as a guy who finds you so attractive that he spends the night drawing out forplay and then worries about himself last. LOL..
2007-03-21 22:31:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would continue to have communication with her! I would sit down and tell her that you desire this in your marriage. I don't think that I would marry her if I knew that she wasn't capable of fullfilling your expectations as a man in all honesty. And this is coming from a womans perspective. I respect your honesty. I also have to be honest with you from my point of few. Men are taught to look after cars, super heros, and observe beautiful super models, females on the other hand are taught to nurture babies and take care of children. Keep the lines of communications open and if nothing changes, don't do it. Best of luck to you and yours
2007-03-21 22:38:56 · answer #5 · answered by Jerry S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do her a favour and don't marry her. She does not deserve someone as clueless as you seem to be.
You want to know why she is less interested than ever? Because you approach a very intimate, sensitive issue like a hostile take-over. "I'll be more romantic, but in return you must initiate more often." Trust me, she knows you're just going through the motions to get what you want. And because she's onto you, she's not giving you what you want. You'd be better off with someone who, like you, sees love as a power struggle.
2007-03-21 22:25:28 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Bail out dude! If you're not married yet & already involved in a sex battle then you're gonna hate your marriage, seriously. There's nothing more you can do than what you've alraedy done. A few years from now you'll be looking for a mistress.
2007-03-21 22:25:26 · answer #7 · answered by irmaynerds 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her things have not improved and you think it's a good idea not to get married until the problem can be fixed
2007-03-21 23:03:20 · answer #8 · answered by miester44 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HI, YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WONT END UP IN A MARRIAGE THAT IS NOW GOOD FOR YOU. BECAUSE IF SHE IS NOT GIVING YOU SEX YOU WILL GO TO SOME BODY ELSE. FOR HER SHE NEED TO TRY MORE OR REALLY TELL YOU WHAT IS GOING ON. SO THINK LONG AND HARD BE FOR YOU MARRIED HER.
2007-03-21 22:50:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it's like this already, your marriage is going to $hittty. Why would you want to get married in the first place.
2007-03-21 22:24:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋