a heart felt poem?

Question

please can you give constructive comments on my poem, also could you please let me know if you can get the feeling i am trying to put across and if not why, many thanx for spending your time reading this poem

The lonely poets

Writing poetry we do care
We have the skill and the flare
And even though we try so hard
It comes out like a greeting card

We sit looking at the monitor screen
We know it all, so it would seem
Our fingers type as we pour out ideas
So you can feel our lonely tears

Our feelings of joy sadness and sorrow
We write it down for you to read tomorrow
And if you feel a hint of what we express
Maybe you’ll understand our loneliness

Our poems may rhyme, or they may not
But the words we put shouldn’t be forgot
There from the heart and truth be told
Our thoughts and loves will never grow old

So after reading one of our works
Try and understand our funny quirks
For we try and do the hardest task
Nor do we hide behind false masks

What you read is what you get
And hopefully you will never forget
A poet’s world is very glum
And this will never be undone

Answer 1

I have been writing poetry for thirty something years and have studied widely usually I do not offer criticism but as you request it I will do my best to tell you what I feel is wrong with you poem and what is write with it.

first thing I notice is the theme.... the emotive nature of poets... this is a very overdone theme and personally I would try to find a whole new angle on the theme or choose another theme...

second thing I notice is the universal use of the word 'we'. I know you intend it to include the reader however what it does is ostracise the reader and exclude them particularly if this is not how they feel about poets and poetry.

Poems are always better written from a personal first person position.

you have used many forced rhymes. what I mean is that you have decided on a rhyming word and tried to force a line to fit the word. or so it seems.

your very first line is a good example of a forced rhyme... a forced line.. and basically makes no sense..

when writing a poem you need to write fluidly and fluently so that your work comes out seamless...

it is usually better to skip a rhyme altogether than to try and force on into the line.

for a beginner your poem has some good points, it has variation in line length from stanza to stanza and it tells us a bit about you as a person and a poet.

If you seriously want to learn to write good poetry then keep on working on it all.

Answer 2

All forms of poetry stem from the heart. the feeling that one is experiencing at the time of penning his/her thoughts. Poems may be melancholic, macabre, funny, depressing, encouraging, or really generated from a feling of being down in the dumps like the one you have just penned. The words lonely,and it's derivatives make many appearances, A sense of failure,(stanza 1) sorrow and sadness, which is evident in every stanza of this poem. A job well done, in projecting the thought that poets are a sad lot.... ( not very true though).

Answer 3

I like it all apart from the last verse....

TS Elliot said he wanted to aim for writing 'poetry standing naked in its bare bones'....'poetry so transparent that in reading it we are intent on what teh poem points at, and not on the poetry, this seems to me the thing to try for'...

Maybe poets have to feel these difficult times to see beauty...

Answer 4

Too Seusish

Answer 5

You words are wonderfully written - I can tell your word's flowed out as you wrote - I love how your word's told a story -- Great Work

Answer 6

You expressed yourself well. It is my experience that people who write are "open" books, for we write what we know. Well done.

Answer 7

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your poem is lovely
And so are you!