The problem i have got is I have 3 kids which I would never leave them without a dad, but the relationship with me and my wife is only one-way, and i don't like the thought of being in this marriage for another 10 years, because that will be how long before the kids have flown the nest, leaving me in my middle fifties, I can not see things improving, I would like to sit down with my wife and tell her how I feel, but she will think that there is someone else in the background, which there is not, I just want to wake up out of this nightmare, but to think of the next umpteen years living a lie kills me, what would you do guys, please advise, only genuine replies please as this is a very series case of HELP!
2007-03-21 20:32:55 · 12 answers · asked by Mouseman1962 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My dad would tell me that a man doesn't know how good he has it until he F's it up even-more. In your case YOU GOT MARRIED. If your not happy then your not happy. You only have on life-- MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY
2007-03-21 20:36:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting a divorce doesn't mean leaving your kids without a dad. You can still have your relationship with your children without living in the same house as their mother. It is not fair to yourself to stay in a situation that makes you miserable.
Also, something you may not have considered. Kids are not stupid. They can tell that you are unhappy. It would be better for them if you ware happy when you spent time with them. Staying in a marriage for the sake of the kids is never a good idea, it just hurts everyone, including the kids.
2007-03-22 12:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counselling... Talk to your wife first about how you feel and ask if she is open to the idea... If there is a way you can save your relationship with both sides happy... Do it! If not... you're right... You can't live in a relationship that is now love-less... Stop lying to her... I'm sure you have already thought about this... Are you open to the idea of counselling at least?
As for your kids... I think they can still grow with you even though you and your wife are not together anymore. Just don't put emotinal traumas in them like shouting or something with your wife or vice versa. No one can really guarantee what would happen next but live your life with no regrets on questions of what-ifs...
2007-03-22 03:43:14 · answer #3 · answered by roma_balbin 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are positive that you want out of the marriage - get out! Your children would rather come from a broken home than live in one. I am glad my parents divorced - now both of them are remarried and happier than ever. If you just can't see this marriage working, there is no use in staying. And if you really don't love your wife, I honestly can't see how she can really love you. She must know or sense you no longer love her. I don't believe in one-sided love. Maybe she is scared to be on her own - single mother and all, so she is clinging to you. It is a very scary thought for women, especially one's who haven't worked outside the home in years to suddenly be alone. Do not live a lie. Just make sure you are certain and all of your feelings have been exhausted before you make the final decision to leave. As much as it would hurt, I would rather my husband tell me that he is leaving because he no longer loves me, than stay and I find out 10 years later. If you tell her now, in ten years time you will probably both be very happily remarried and she will be silently thanking you for leaving her so she could find someone who truly loves her...
2007-03-22 04:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by wawa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My opinion. Others are saying counciling. If you do not love someone, counciling is not going to change that. It will painful for your wife, but I also feel that you need more than you have now. Others are also saying "the children". They will survive. Please, just stay in their lives (and I'm sure you will). Another thought, what about a seperation period. Would this help any. An ice breaker to a divorce?? I do not believe in divorce--although I am divorced. lol Good luck in your decision.
Just a thought: What are the chances of her seeing this question??
2007-03-22 04:06:10 · answer #5 · answered by old_woman_84 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is tough....
I really feel like you should tell her, if you you are 100% sure you are not in love with her anymore. It might be more fair to your kids to stay if you two are not fighting, but it is less fair to you and her to live in a lie. The only thing that concerns me with this is that why do you need to be in love with her to coexist, and raise children together? Can you two be good friends and still live together. If she is over smuthering I can see how that might get annoying but maybe if you told her the truth you guys can work something out civily....well, good luck.
2007-03-22 03:53:59 · answer #6 · answered by whoswhomwho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are decent guy to not want to leave your kids, but that does not mean you have to live in agony and your wife is loving in fantasy... she has a right to know the real deal...
Be honest, explain the situation to your wife, get a divorce and be good to your kids.
One way love is a lie to both and hurts both.
2007-03-23 01:59:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really do need to sit and discuss how you feel with you wife. You can always be there for your kids, even if you seperate. You have the right to be happy and to me you're defintley not.
Why live in a love-less marriage?
2007-03-22 03:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
honesty is the best policy..someone in the the relationship is going to get hurt anyway so might as well speak the truth.
and also i can imagen how much pain your wife will get
in th the long run it will be better for both of you and the children, just stay in your kids life
''what happend why do you feel like this after so many yrs of love?!????
hope you answer me.
2007-03-22 03:40:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Grow up NOW!
Your married and have a family!
Your children are the only one that count here and thats what you have to take into account.
It's not about your happiness anymore, it's about THEIRS!
You made a commitment NOW live with it !
One morE thing Happiness isn't all in the heart it's also in the head as well!
GET COUNSELING NOW!
2007-03-22 03:39:43 · answer #10 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋