My 14 year old cousin just found out she is 7 months pregnant. She is from a broken, dirt poor home. Her mother is the primary caregiver for my grandmother who just had a massive stroke. Her mother says she will raise the baby but if she does so, she will not be able to care for my grandma and there is no one else who can right now. Other factor is my cousin's mother is a bad person who lies and steals from family and has an on/off drug problem for over 25 years. I know I need to be very careful and tactful if I offer the option of adopting her baby. What should I say if I do it? I have only thought of - that we have been in a happy, stable marriage for almost 10 years, have well paying stable jobs that include premier health insr. tuition reimbursment for kids college, have a nice home, the time available to take care of a kid and we live in a large city with many cultural and educational benefits that baby would not get in backwoods KY. (I grew up there.) Any advice?
2007-03-21 19:53:40 · 11 answers · asked by mama29 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I would definitley offer to adopt. But expect to meet some resistance at first. She'll need some time to think it over. And if she says yes, get yourself a really good lawyer to draw up the legal papers so she can't change her mind later.
An open adoption may be desirable here, where you could send her pictures of the baby as it grew, limited supervised visits, etc.... Then it could have all the benefits of living with you and your husband, and maybe the 14 year old wouldn't feel as though you just took her baby away.
You sound like you have a really big heart. That's good. Keep loving people like you do.
2007-03-21 20:01:05 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs.Fine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would offer the adoption but be careful. She might get offended. Ask her if you could adopt the kid or just at least till she is old enough to take care of the kid and is working in a well paying job. I wouldn't say you are better off then your cousin's mom but that maybe a married couple can be safe and give more love. When one person can't be for the kid the other could. Also that the mother of the cousin would have to work and she would be so stressed she might not have time to take care of the child at all times. I hope I could help. :) Also I hope the kid has really nice parents!
2007-03-22 03:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by sweety 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all why would you leave your Grandma with such a horrible woman, and you have money why don't you help your dirt poor cousin
you how have well paying job yet you will have time to take care of it
Madam YOU ARE A PRICK get over yourself
Glad you got yourself culture
But from some one that never live in a backwoods country
the large city is not what it is crack up to be
IF you truly want to adopt this child, you will need to get counseling for both you and the mother, you will also need to get a lawyer You know better than me how backwoods people think so you might want to skate this one very smoothly
the whole family (cousin &mother) might decided to move to the city to be near the baby
Also noted that one of your reason for not wanting her mother to have the baby is because if she does she will not be abel to take care of your Grandma
How selfish is that
Advise get couseling for yourself before you aproch that girl about adoption
Good luck
2007-03-22 05:10:38 · answer #3 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
my mom was in the same situation as your in. I was 12 when it happened so i hope this will help you .my mom's sister became pregnant when she was going threw a divorce . she had 3 kids by the same man (my uncle and my dad's brother). he keep saying that the kids where not his etc. . in any case we all sat down to talk and decided to ask for the new baby. at this time my aunts first child lived with my grand parents and my aunt had one and my uncle had one. we had all talked her out of a late term abortion. it was a very sticky situation. so mom went to her woman to woman and told her that she had other options. that we where willing and able to take this child. we also had to talk to my uncle and let him know that we where there for this baby not them . she bucked the whole thing untill a week after the baby was born and then came to my parents and asked if we could take both the new baby and her daughter that she had for a little while. i was still young and ended up haveing problems with the daughter and she also missed her mom so she ended up going back to her mom. in the end we never gave the baby back to her. and we adopted him. so just go to her and be an option for now and also keep in mind you have rights as a relative. and responsibility to do the right thing. tell her about open adoption and that she will be able to be in this baby's life but that as a parent she owes it to her child to give it the best posible start and that is with some one than can give it all the benifits that she didn't get. granted that money isn't the important part. there are plenty of good poor moms and dads . but you can give a safe happy home where school and homework and late nights are not going to be that big of an issue. where as in her home there will be to many things getting in the way of this baby just getting a normal start. it sounds like her mom is already pushing for something like this anyway. so your path may be clearer than you think. and i gotta say you should give her major props for not killing this child to start off with . you might want to consider helping both mom and baby and move her in with you if she doesn't want to give it up. give them both a new and better start. show her all the things a good parent needs. give her the benifit of the doupt and let her at least try to parent this child. she might surprise you. but you need to keep your heart and mind open to this little girl as well as this baby . you could meen all the differance to someone in her position. you could keep them together and change there lives . and believe me she would be thankful you gave her this option
2007-03-22 04:32:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ask to adopt the baby. Any baby coming into this world deserves the best. With what you have to offer your cousin should have no problem. She is so young and it would be so hard for her and her mother to take care of a baby. They are no walk in the park. Make sure your cousin knows this. This childs mother sounds like she might be a bigger problem to talk to then her. Get you cousin to agree its whats best for her baby so yous can go to the her mom. My family and I were in a different situation. Because of my aunt the baby went to the state instead of going to us. Good Luck!
2007-03-22 03:05:45 · answer #5 · answered by loveyoumuch 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. Do you know if she plans on keeping the baby? Did she mention adoption as a possilbe option? If so, just let her know that you'd be willing to adopt the baby. I think that she will probably be relieved...how much could a 14 y/o really want a baby? You should probably discuss it with your cousin and her daughter together. I think your cousin may be relieved also.
2007-03-22 03:03:05 · answer #6 · answered by Linnygirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U first agree with ur cousin if she takes the oppotunity positive pls do if she refuses dont force her coz kids are very delicate and incase the baby dies she will be against you so pray about the issue let your heart convince you dont rush ask her to pay u a visit talk to her and then u make a move or else u take both of them and help them they both need assistance they need you all the time but pls pls pls dont do it for fame but do it for a blessing. Be blessed
2007-03-22 03:04:33 · answer #7 · answered by titi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm........you sound very judgemental about this. It seems that you are most worried about who is going to take care of your grandmother. If you can financially take care of a child, you can afford to hire carers. If the baby`s grandmother is such a bad person why do you trust her to take good care of your grandmother?
Do you want a baby?
Do you think you can give the baby love?
Does your cousin want to give up her baby for adoption?
Whatever you think about the people in the situation, I think these are the most important questions you have to consider.
2007-03-22 03:03:50 · answer #8 · answered by psychokitty 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
go for it
offer to take in both mother and baby though first
make sure it's an open adoption and such
ask the 14 yr old if she would like to come stay with you not ask her mom first
because she is pregnant she can get emancipated or something like it
2007-03-22 03:02:37 · answer #9 · answered by squeaker 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think you should just come out and say it if you really want the baby.but you should also let your cousin know it's not right for her to get pregnant so early in life.let her know that you won't be able to take in every child she has and she really needs to protect herself if she insists in having sex.she can't just go around popping out kids and giving them up for adoption.
2007-03-22 11:24:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋