How long before it stops hurting... after the death of a loved one?

Question

I lost both of my grandparents less than a year ago, both to old age. I spent the last 4 years deeply involved in the care of them.... and I miss them so much. Today, while working, I came across a lady who was so similar to my grandmother... I immediately choked up, and became teary eyed.. I had to excuse myself. I am a grown up... and know that they are "better off", but this is my first experience with death... and I was just curious, how long does the intense hurt last?

Answer 1

well my twin sister killed herself when me and her were 7 I am now 13 and it still hurt ...its pretty painful and can last along time

Answer 2

I am 36 years old and had never lost anyone close to me until last summer. He wasn't a family member but he was a very close friend, like a brother to myself and to my husband. He passed away in a drunk driving accident (he was drunk) last June. He was missing for a week before a road crew found where his truck had gone off the road and down in a gully. He was a month away from turning 25.
I was inconsolable. I had helped search for him for that week he was missing. I was literally grief stricken for months. To me, it hasn't stopped hurting, even now. I can deal with it better, and as time goes on, I maybe don't feel his absence every single day anymore. But when we go somewhere that he used to hang out with us, or if I hear a certain song, or when I see a vehicle that looks like his, it still hurts just as bad.
It has been almost 9 months since he died. Time has given me new experiences that I had not shared with him, new songs, new places, new friends... so I don't have those constant reminders of him being gone. I feel it less often, but the pain has not lessened at all. But in a way I am glad, because I know he is still in my heart. It's hard to explain, but it's kind of like I can remember the good times without feeling guilty for moving on with life, it's like proof I haven't truly forgotten him.
I hope that helps, and I am so very sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

The good news is, the intense hurt will fade over time. Each one of us is different so it may last longer for you that it does for the next person, but it will fade. I lost my mother and father and I am a grown man and it still hurts. I can promise you that the intense part will go away but the hurt will stay with you. In time, you'll learn to cope with the loss and you'll find a way to live your normal life. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

From a few weeks, months to years. The loss of a loved one can never really become just an incident. But, a way of getting over it is knowing the peace of your grandparents and that life goes on but life also ends.

Answer 5

I have had several people in my family die, and friends to.
They don't all affect you the same way. Some people that
your closer to just don't really ever leave you.
I had an uncle that died a few years ago, and the news of
his death, just made me drop to the ground. I visit his
grave often, and I always plants flowers to. I talk to him when
I am there, and his favourite color was orange, and the
bulbs that I planted were not orange in color, but they came
up and they were orange. I was so happy. I felt like he
had heard me. I know he is still with me.

The only thing after a death that we have are memories.
Sometimes they will bring tears to your eyes and there is
nothing wrong with that. You will always love them. I think
memories like those bring out the best in us.

Answer 6

I hurt for you ... there is no pain like losing somebody so close to you. You will go through emotions you never dreamed were there. You will weep, rage at God, and try to find ways to stop the pain. Let me tell you the pain will lessen as long as you experience it, and don't try to lessen it or cover it up. I din't say the pain would go AWAY. And, like I do with my dad who died a couple years ago, talk about it. Every thing reminds me of my dad. Every day I think of him and all he meant to me. It was the very worst experience of my life. All the people I have met since his death... he would have loved them and they would have loved him too. Just let your tears flow. Let your emotions rage and wane. And, it helps to know that somebody hurts for you... and i do.

Answer 7

I would like to tell you oh about a week or so. But it doesn't. I've been there done that. It depends on the person I just recently lost someone last month and I know its going to take a very long time to move on. Its hard just take one day at a time and sooner or later you'll start to move on, not forget them just move on with you life. They would be happy knowing you did that.

Answer 8

Im sorry for your lost tho!.....It really never goes away. My grandma died 9 years ago evertime we think of her or anything we all cry she was everyone idle. She is even has her song played at everyone wedding she meant so much to everyone. Everytime i think of her or my family in that case we just say she in a better life and she still looking over us hoping we make the best choose for your selfs and is a spirt to us! Memoreys are the best and can never go away but just think postive and it will be alright.

Answer 9

as long as you're alive you will still think of them,you did well by getting deeply involved to take care of them....next time when you see that similar ""grandmother"""lady just try to know her better maybe you could help her if she needs help or you could simply be her confident old age people always need somebody by their side,it will make you feel less hurt by the death of your grandparents.good luck....

Answer 10

When my first daughter passed away, I tried to fool myself into believing I was over it in a few months. Wrong! It took one night of seeing a girl that reminded me of her to finally deal with all the pain. It was until I finally came to terms with my grief that I was able to start putting my physical and emotional life back together. What really helped me was writing my daughter a letter telling her everything I felt, holding nothing back. I visited her gravesite and read it to her. For me, that was the closure I needed, not busying myself like I thought before. Good luck to all of you who have lost someone close. :)

Answer 11

so sorry for your loss Ive lost many relatives over the years but none of them hit home like the loss of my lil brother i lost him to suicide 2yrs ago this month just 5 days after my birthday ,.the hurt is still there..but i read something that said god gives us angels,if only for a while everyone is here in our lives for a reason if only for a short while...god bless you