I have been divorced for 17 years and I still want my ex back. Am I crazy?

Question

We had one child that is now grown. I am 54 years old and have been married again and divorced since then. I really miss having a family. My ex is nice when he sees me and I still get along with his family. It is strange because he will never look at me in the eyes, when he talks to me. Why? He lives with someone, but not married. He said he dont love her. He was unfaithful to me our entire marriage of 14 years. Other people have told me he still loves me, but I dont think he does. We really were happy together except for the cheating. The years have gone by and now I wish we were still together as a family. He doesnt know how I feel. Should I say anything to him?

Answer 1

This is going to sound as crazy as your ? sounds to you. I was married at a very young age, with him for 5 years and had two beautiful daughters. Someone in our family played a really cruel trick on us, and we were torn apart by it. there was never any closure for us. i am now remarried for 13 years and my family has grown to 6 kids and one on the way. My current husband knows how I feel about my 1st. He was the love of my life and I often think of the "what ifs" I have had people say, grow up, get over it, but I totally understand where you are coming from. Its been almost 15 years and my heart still pitter-patters every time I see him. The only thing I can tell you is to look to the things you do have, and find happiness in them. You have something nobody can ever take away. a child. I'm not sure if I'd advise you saying anything unless you are positive you may have a 2nd chance. I did that and had my heart broken. He told me nobody would ever compare to me, and that I was his God-given angel, but it could never happen for us again. I will pray for you to have comfort in your heart. My heart is with you.

Answer 2

Honey you are NOT crazy.

You're going through empty nest syndrome probably.

Since your ex was the only man you knew for 14 years, a part of you will always be more comfortable with the familiar. You'll want what's familiar even if it was/is bad for you.

He can't look you in the eye because he feels guilty and knows he was wrong. He's not even happy with the woman he's cohabitating with.

I wouldn't take him back though. He has a history of cheating and don't take this wrong but you're a "mature" woman and it's time for you to be settled down with a good man and not have to deal with the drama of cheating. That is soo high school (you know what I mean).

Get your behind out there and start dating or having guy friends. I GUARANTEE you, your first ex-husband won't look so good once you find a really good guy.

Since you miss your family, check out the neighborhood. You will be surprised how many latch key kids and neglected kids would love to come and spend an evening at your house getting the attention their parents aren't able to give them. So many kids are starved for attention, parents are overworked to keep roofs over their heads and food in their tummies, that some may need a little extra love.

You might find you have a whole new family waiting for your attention out there.

Answer 3

You said, and I quote: "He was unfaithful to me our entire marriage of 14 years"

HELLO!!!!!

There is no love in that statement, or actions such as these. Please don't be so foolish.

If he prided you over any other he's been with, it's probably because you put up with his antics for as long as you did.
It sounds like your ex has enjoyed a life full of selfish gain and actions at the expense of women, and has left many women behind to deal with his betrayal, lies, and deception.
For him to love you would be something you have waited for ...for 17 years. If you need answers, then yes, he has a desire for you, and lots of other women too. And yes, he has trouble looking into your eyes not because he still has feelings (though I'm sure he'll tell you he does...if he was given the chance), but because of guilt. He bit the hand the fed him, stabbed the heart that loved him, and ruined the vows he took....repeatedly! You are a good woman, and he took you for granted. He probably never thought you would leave him.
Do you really want to go through all this again?

With your child grown, and an empty house to occupy, I'm sure you're bound to get lonely. But don't let the lonliness give way to foolishness. At 54 you still have YEARS to live life to it's fullest! Plenty of time to find someone worthy of you! Don't sell yourself short by selling out to a man that never deserved you.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

It's not that you're crazy for wanting him back. You just have to decide if you want to be with a cheater for the rest of your life. It's also understandable that you still have feelings for him. The two of you were together for a long time and created a family together. But you need to be able to be happy with yourself. You need to find what makes you happy and embrace it. Only when you're able to be truly happy with yourself, can you be happy with someone else. Men (and women) can smell desperation a mile away. Now if you want to say something to him, go right ahead. He would probably welcome it. BTW, the reason he never looks you in the eyes when he talks to you is because he still has feelings for you and still feels guilty about what occurred during the relationship. Perhaps, if you've never done so, it's time to have a heart to heart conversation. For some reason, it seems that two people who were in a relationship that has ended, are able to communicate better once the relationship has ended.

Answer 5

Get a life. How can you say you was happy
together if he was cheating on you some thing was wrong you did not give him what he needed or he would not have gone some where else. Have you ever asked him what you did wrong that chased him to an other women's arms. If guys get what they need at home they do not go other places for what is at home.I know he was wrong but if you ask like it was you fault you may get the answer you need. He may just be a scum.

Answer 6

You obviously have spent too much time thinking about your ex that you have overlooked better things in life including other people who will value your relationship and not cheat on you. Find someone else. You two can and should be friends, but nothing more. It's okay to like him but if you are really looking for love instead of what is familiar then look somewhere else. There is always someone else who can fill that void.

Answer 7

Remember how you felt when you found out about the cheating how do you think his girlfriend will feel if you come between them. He told you he didn't love his live in girlfriend ,don't you think that is the very same thing he was telling all the women he slept with when he was married to you and don't you think they wanted to believe him so they wouldn't feel guilty about sleeping with a married man just like you want to believe him now.Do you want to play the other woman do you want him back that bad.He is a cheater and always will be.You need to stay away from him .

Answer 8

Yes, love is not wrong to express. We are human life is too short let him know how you feel for him. Give him the applause. People will blame for the cheating but to me after the cheatign there is love still deep in both of you that is great and wonderful. Forgiving is wonderful too. So dont wait just call him and express yourself after he is your ex-husband.Telll him wah tyou have told here.

Answer 9

I think you are crazy to want to still be with someone after 17 years of divorce, especially if you know that he is with another woman.

You need to move on with your own life and let him go. Plus, stop listening to what other people are telling you. Start thinking for yourself and make your own decisions.

Answer 10

More proof women just love cheaters - and its most likely hardwired from evolution where seed spreading males optimized both their genetic survival chances along with the chances of the women that mated with them