how do i get the school to BACK OFF?!?

Question

my 13 year old son was in a devatating car crash less than6months ago.he was sent sailing out of the car and landed on top of his grama.she lost her life he was lifelined to a local hospital.since i have gotten him into counseling the have not only diagnosed him with post traumatic stress disorder but also bi-polar disorder.i am no stranger to this so i know that it is a fragile thing.he has begun getting in trouble in many of his classes at school and is fighting,some have been his responsibility and some havent like today a boy hit my son and my son was kicked out 4,3days and the other boy was also until we left the school only to get aphonecall sayingthe other boywould b allowed back to school tomorrow inconsistent with policies and the teatment my son received when hitting another student.i tried to explain to her that this only conveyed double standards to my son.he was upset by this and i fear worse trouble when he reports to school.iwishshewouldsheitfromeveryonespoint.

Answer 1

have his doctor's document everything and give it to the school. they need to know and have proof of everything. i work at a school and while i know your situation is a tough one, people make up things all the time. the school will need to know everything. you may think they don't have a right to know, but they do. and as of right now, his actions of hitting another student makes him appear to be a danger to himself and others. danger in schools is an issue districts want to avoid at all costs. the school may ask you to have him evaluated to make sure he is able to function and be with others. they may ask he spends time with the counselors more often. or more one on one time. you may even want to try homeschooling, they can help you set up some great teachers and provide a work load. the school does not know things unless you tell them. you need to have an open line of communication, without it, they see him as acting bad.

Answer 2

I feel for you, and for your son. You have been through a lot. It will take time for him to really heal; I am sure you will give him the time but other people will not be so generous and understanding. The good news is that he is young so he is resilient and his powers of healing and coping will amaze you.

I personally haven't got much use for the school system. They don't do much except force kids to sit still, do little or nothing, and then judge them one against the other. It is unhealthy, and it accomplishes no useful aim. You might want to think about seeking other means for continuing your son's education. plus it is still so soon after the accident. He is not ready to fully reintegrate with the other kids.

This doesn't mean he has to waste his time. Home schooling is a real option. If you get him together with other kids who don't fit the rigid mould then you and their families can make it really easy on each other. If you get together with 10 other parents of, say, kids with bipolar disorder, then 2 parents can take the kids each day and you can rotate it around so everybody has time to do the other things they need to in order to get by. Search the net and go to your library to find out how to put together a curriculum for the kids, and each contributing parent or family member can contribute from the diverse pool of talents and abilities each person has.

This can potentially make your son's life much richer than it could ever be in a public school system. With the way public education is today I think every parent should think seriously about this possibility.

Put your son in a place where they will be willing to work with him and his needs. If a facility or an institution cannot do that or is not willing to, then there is no reason for you to let them go anywhere near your boy. They will do more harm than good.

Good luck, I hope this very difficult experience one day yields good fruit for you and your son. In the meantime have patience and love each other.

Answer 3

If it were me, I would call and request a meeting with the school principal, school guidance counselor, and a representative from the board of education. Tell them that you are concerned that they are not meeting your son's educational needs, and that you wonder if a behavioral plan needs to be put into place to address the behaviors his condition is causing and which are impeding his education. Ask his counselor to either be present at the meeting or to write a letter explaining his status. You could also call the Special Education Office at the district level and inquire whether a diagnosis of PTSD and Bipolar combined with his behavior issues would qualify him for an IEP. If it will, you can get a behavioral plan on the IEP that will better outline exactly how his problem behaviors will be handled. If they give you any resistance about having a meeting and discussing the problem, let them know that you would prefer to resolve these issues via communication between you and them, but that if necessary you will consult with an attorney regarding how to force them to better serve your child. That will usually get them into gear. If the principal is the only one being resistant, call his boss at the district level and explain the situation.

That's how I would handle it.

Answer 4

Some schools are just like that. Double standards, poor quality teaching, inadequate infrastructure, and staff that just don't get it. I've been beating my head against a brick wall for months now trying to get somewhere with my son's school. All it has resulted in is me being banished for no reason from the school building where my son's class is. I now have to wait for him outside the building, despite other parents being allowed in. I go in and I just cop it, particularly off this one teacher who doesn't even take my son for anything.
I know for a fact I'm not the only parent incredibly disappointed by this school, but they all seem to have worked out that speaking out only gets you more ostracised.
Sure, it would be a big step, difficult for your son in is current situation, but ultimately better for everyone if you just went and found him a new school. He's at an age where he can be involved in the choice, so allow him some input so he doesn't feel put out by it. That's what I'd be doing. There's no point tolerating this amount of garbage from the school. It's only going to make things worse for your son and then he'll drop out.
Go out in a blaze of glory. Tell everyone involved just how disappointed you have been and that's the sole reason you're moving on. I'd be telling them all to go get f*cked.
Make sure your son's meds are working. I don't think there's anything worse than being bi-polar and not having your medication working for you. You feel like a total loser. I don't want to see you lose your son because of this. If he feels this bad, he may need his meds adjusted.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I would suggest you ask his councelor if there is some sort of way to get him pulled out of school without falling behind...homeschool perhaps. I would then enroll him into a different school once fall comes around. Your son will probably be coping better by that time, and a new start is most likely the best thing for him.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear what happened to your son.
Conseling takes a while to work, it's not going to happen overnight. Does your son take meds for bi-polar? If not, maybe that should help.
I knew someone who was pretty impulsive (in a bad way) and has become quite relaxed after going on paxil.
Might be worth it to give it a try.
Maybe you should also complain to the school district?

Answer 7

So sorry that this has happened to your son, and your family. It does sound unfair, and yet the school has a lot of people to take care of...so try to see both sides.

First off, whatever happened to the other kid, really...let it go? The person you are concerned with is your son. There is no reason to work yourself into a lather about the other child...it will just tie up your energy in ways that do NOT help your son. So don't go at this stamping your feet and yelling "foul". Even though you know it's unfair. Remember: life is unfair and that wallowing in how unfair, will never bring you peace or success.

More advice, regardless of how this situation came to be, and again, regardless of how fair it is...

is that maybe public school is not the best place for your son right now. I would see if you can get his projects from his teacher, and homeschool until the end of the year, and then try sending him back in the fall. If you can't get this approved by his classroom teacher, try the principal or guidance office, or the school psychologist. If they don't listen, try the school board. If that doesn't work, you can try taking legal action. But the clock keeps ticking. You might have to cut your losses and pull him for the rest of the year, with or without finishing. If you need an excuse to keep from being truant, then you can always talk to his doctor, or his therapist. He can make up for it some other time when he is better prepared to deal. This is really just a temporary glitch in his education.

In the meantime, he probably needs a lot of therapy, not only processing the event to put it behind him, but practicing his coping skills so he doesn't get in trouble.

The best way you can help your son, aside from these things, is to keep your priorities straight:

Take care of yourself. First. Always. This isn't instead of your son, or at the expense of what he needs. It is in acknowledgment that there is only so much of you to go around, and that your resources are finite. If you don't take care of yourself...then you cannot take care of your son as well as you want to.

Other things you can do for your son: Keep the peace. Try to keep his life calm. Role model appropriate emotional control. If you have to excuse yourself to go wail and moan, fine. But your son needs to know that you are solid and calm for him, and that you can be rational to help him.

You also need to protect him from grownup activities. You don't need to dog his teachers or school admin, or the other child, or anyone else who seems against you...in order to support your son. If you go to court, or have any sort of hearings, keep him out of them as much as possible.

Remember you are the parent. He has no business taking on your problems. If he tries, just tell him, it will be okay...that's for me to worry about. At the same time, being a parent means you have to set standards of conduct for your son. You don't have to make excuses for his fighting in school for one thing. It was his mistake and he should be willing to take responsibility for it. Forgivable, and reasonable given his circumstances, and certainly not something to shame him with over and over and over...but a mistake on his part to recognize. You will need to help him correct that behavior and he will need to accept responsibility for his future actions instead of getting in the habit of blaming his PTSD for stuff he does.

I hope this doesn't sound shitty. I know your child isn't a monster. I'm just saying, don't belittle his abilities by allowing him to make excuses...ever.

Answer 8

~I agree with getting the school counselor and your doctor involved to see if you can pull him out of school and possibly get him a tutor at home for the rest of the year.
It appears that this will only get worse. I know the schools I've had to deal with really don't care about personal problems and how they affect school. All they want to do is point fingers at you.
This is really sad, I'm sorry for your loss.
Good luck~

Answer 9

This is very distressing to hear. My suggestion to you would be to understand that his mental health and the school are two separate things. Although both are important, it seems obvious that they are not working in harmony together. Separate them. Work on them both individually, then make an attempt to re-intergrate them again.

Answer 10

you mean your son have a car crush then tell the police is she alright?.if your son was kicked for 4 3 days then tell the teacher.