What do you do when you've lost "that strong bond" with your spouse?

Question

I've only been married for 1 year, 8 months and it seems like I'm not IN love with him anymore...I still love him, though. We've been together for 3 years, total, have a 5 month old son and so much has happend. We hardly get anytime alone, all we really do together is go out to eat and shopping. We got in a lot of debt when he started his job, we have to travel a lot, live in hotels. It sucks, but he has to do it, so we can pay our bills and about 3 weeks ago, I found a bunch of dirty e-mails to a woman that he talks to on EQ. He's also been keeping stuff from me, like that he smokes occasionally, even though last time I found out, he said he wouldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do...I want that feeling back, help!

Answer 1

The first few years your going to find many things you don't like about each other. Nobody said marriage was easy. It takes work, time and patience. Talk to him about the emails, and the lie to you. Then let it go, don't ride him to death over it. Make time for each other, never go to bed angry at each other.

Answer 2

I am assuming you are both very young because of the problems you are having. "Feelings" of love come and go in a marriage as do 'feeling's of passion. Having a baby takes a lot out of a woman. Your hormones stay crazy for a long time after delivery and then just the physical demands of a baby are exhausting. Your husband doesn't sound very mature and capable of providing for your emotional needs during this time. Especially if he is exchanging dirty emails. Hiding the smoking from you reminds me of something a boy might do in highschool. Sadly, there's not a lot you can do. I am afraid that you are a young woman who has married a little boy who can't handle the pressure of being a father and provider for a family.
However, I am wondering why you are living out of hotels and why do you have to travel with him? You need a home of your own. It's better for you and the baby. Plus I'm afraid you aregoing to have to learn to live on your own and the sooner the better. It's possible that he will rise to the occasion but unlikely. You need to get a job, and a stable, stationary home and settle down. Maybe by contributing to the income of the family it will help relieve some of his pressure.

Answer 3

The strong bond feeling gets even stronger when you go through this type of thing with your spouse. Love is a choice and not a feeling. Everyone seems to look for that happy marriage pill, rekindle the romance, talk to him kind of stuff, but the bottom line is when you wake up in the morning next to him you choose to love him and go through whatever life dishes out together. The feeling will eventually come again, so don't give up.

Answer 4

It is hard being young, newly married, in debt and having a baby. I am talking from expierance here. I am 26 and I have been married for almost 8 years.We have had our ups and downs....and there were alot of downs.
We had major fights. And lots of problems similar to yours. It does get better though...but it may never be perfect. Our society gives a false sense of love. We as women tend to associate romance and the fluttery feelings with love. ( belive me I do this too..it's natural) But real love endures all things and toughs out hard situations. It can either make your marriage stronger or break you. If you love your husband write down the reasons why you felll in love with him in the first place. It is good to remind our selves....as we can tend to forget when all the crappy things are happening at once. Try to find a babysitter and go out alone. If you can't find one...put the little one down early and spend some quality time togther...Men love sex and sex speaks louder than words....so sex him up get dressed sexy and he will probably give you what you need to....like compliments...cuddles etc....Just like we use to do in the beggining before we were married or had babies...we need to show them that we still love them and want them....sometimes even if you fake it at first...you may actuallly end up feeling that way in the end. Dating and romance are fun...but when we get married we take on bills, responsiblity..until death do us part. The romance and glitter is gone so to say. But you can make it come back....talk to him...open up and see how he feels. Things may seem bleek now but hopefully it willl change. I will pray for you. I have been there and done that...and I know it sucks and I know that how you feel sucks right now. Marriage is tough.....god bless you and your family

Answer 5

If you still love him then do what you have to to keep him. If he is talking to other woman you need to confront him about it.
I've been married for 11 yrs. that strong feeling comes and go but the love is always there.
Having a baby changes your marriage if you let it. My wife and I make sure we get some alone time every once in a while. Especially when that feeling has dissappeared.
Good luck.

PS: We've been there

Answer 6

U need to confront him about what u have been feeling.U have to tell him about the dirty e mail u have found and other things.If he doesn't respect his wife, the relationship might became disastrous. Talk to him...ask for his help...tell him how hard it's been for u.It's very natural for u to feel this way as u've been going through a lot..including pregnancy. U need to feel loved and cared by him.Convince him that the base of any relationship is honesty and trust.If he can not provide u with that,it's not worth it.good luck...

Answer 7

speak with him and try to set time when you and him can just be together

Answer 8

go to one of those marriage counselor things

Answer 9

cheat!