I married my wife in 2006. She has two children from a previous marriage. We have frequently argued about decision making regarding finances with the kids and in general. My frustration has been that I have no decision making voice in the children's lives despite paying my money for their lives.
My solution is to have separate finances to keep money from being an arguing point in our relationship and a bone of contention in my household. After reading, it seems that 15% of married couples split finances.
What do you think I should do?
2007-03-21 17:10:14 · 9 answers · asked by Jim Bo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To be clear, we split time with their father. There is no child support involved on either side and decisions are made jointly by father and mother of the children.
I don't dispute I shouldn't have a legal say, but I'm not legally required to pay for their children either....
2007-03-21 17:17:03 · update #1
Hmmmm. You didn't discuss things BEFORE you got married? That's usually what people do, you know. You don't say how old her kids are. Does their father send support payments? If not, she should sue him to send some. He and SHE should support their children. You are not responsible for that UNLESS you don't want her to work (to pay her half). In which case, you should help pay her share of that support. You don't need to separate your finances. You need to sit down and make a budget. She needs to spend no more and no less than what's in the budget for clothing, food, and activities for her children. (Just like if you had kids together.) A budget is what you should both have and agree upon. If she goes over budget too much, then she can get a job and pay childcare, or learn to live on the budget you both agreed to. If you have trouble doing this together, go to a financial advisor for help. Don't let financial problems ruin your marriage. You knew when you got married that she had children. If you don't actually try to love these kids and WANT to help support them, you should not have married her because this marriage won't work unless you are both in tune and in lock step. Good luck.
2007-03-21 17:25:03 · answer #1 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you chose to contribute your finances to help your step children out of your affection for the kids as well as your wife,but i think the mistake you made is to allow her have an upper hand in decision making regarding finances because you should have had seperate accounts from the beginning,agree on what your monthly or annual contribution for the upkeep of the household should be, and hand the agreed amount to her at the appropriate time...financial matters always cause problems and no matter how much you love anyone you should always manage your own finances...that way you could avoid arguements and fights over money as this will ultimately distract a great relationship.
2007-03-21 17:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by gaijin in tokyo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First having separate finances isn't going to stop the disagreements when it comes to the kids and who's paying what.....the two of you need to sit down and get those things ironed out, it was a packaged deal when you married.
What does your wife think about separate finances? Will you each have an account then one for the "common" bills. Here's he problem, unless you resolve the issue you are already having, separate finances is going to cause MORE arguments for the two of you, not less.
2007-03-21 17:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like y'all have a lot of issues that should've been resolved before marriage. #1 why don't you have a say so in your step children's lives? #2 why is it ok for you to give money to your step children but you can't make any decisions regarding them? #3 are you 100% positive she isn't using you for money? I would definitely keep all finances separate until you are able to help raise the children.
2007-03-21 17:20:48 · answer #4 · answered by piercedambition 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but this issue should have been resolved before you married her. It's not right that you are supporting the kids, yet you have no say in their lives. It's like you are a human wallet.
You should keep your finances separate.
2007-03-21 17:14:24 · answer #5 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The separate finances may just add conflict to what already sounds like a pretty divided household. You will need to figure out a way to cooperate and communicate with her instead of power-struggling.
2007-03-21 17:23:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Royalhin, you should have resolved this issue before marriage.
I would do the seperate finances and get in to some form of counseling. It sounds as if your spouse is being unfair towards you. best of luck
2007-03-21 17:19:31 · answer #7 · answered by simplyme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married her, you knew she had kids, it is a package deal, to split finances is only going to create new and bigger problems, this is not what married people do, or supposed to do.
2007-03-21 17:26:30 · answer #8 · answered by alexandria1_1999 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it's bothering you keep your own separate accounts.
the kid thing seems to be your problem tho. not happy about that it seems.
keep the finances separate, have receipts for everything because the divorce doesn't seem that far away.
2007-03-21 17:17:15 · answer #9 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋