sex question?

Question

why is it that i no longer get turned on and i never want to have sex.I'm only 24 and i've been married for 3 years..I just don't get aroused or turned on and i find it very hard to get an orgasm.sometimes it feels like it hurts when i'm about to have one and it goes away on its own..what's wrong with me.what can i do to be sexually aroused.I have gained weight from having a baby and no i don't feel sexy at all but my husband likes me and he says he loves me anyway.is it the whole weight thing that's keeping me from feeling good about my sex life.also my husband watches porn evrychance he gets that im not home, and i feel like he'd rather watch them than do it with me,i told him and he said he only does it cuz he's bored(yeah right i don't believe that)and he says he would never pick porn over me.yet when i teel him not to do it he does it behind my back..what should i do?

Answer 1

It sounds to me like your insecurity is causing serious problems. I know it is hard to feel sexy when you've gained weight, especially after having a baby. It is good that your husband is supportive, but the trick is that you have to be happy with yourself to fully enjoy having sex.

The porn problem though, that can really cause problems. He isn't just doing it because he is bored, he is doing it because he isn't satisfied. It is a viscious cycle that has to do with your insecurity, the lack of sex, and the feeling that you aren't turned on by him. It can be damaging enough just dealing with the porn, but he can become addicted if he's not careful.

I would say that if you aren't happy with how you look, exercise more. Get back into shape and you'll feel sexier. You'll want to have sex more, and your relationship will get back on track. You just have to put the effort into it. You are still young, you should be able to shed the weight pretty easily. Walk for 30 minutes a day to start, then work that up to jogging... just start doing something.

Answer 2

I think you guys might have fallen into a bit of a rut. It's a common thing with married couples.

Maybe you should make a game of it. Dress up. Mess around. It doesn't have to end in sex. It's just playing. It should be about exploration and finding out what makes you turned on now.

I'm not sure if it because you are feeling very self-conscious about the weight you gained during your pregnancy. Perhaps if you did some exercise and lost weight, and felt happier about yourself you might feel more turned on - or at least able to let yourself go. I'm not sure if it because you are feeling very self-conscious about the weight you gained during your pregnancy.