does this poem really suck??

Question

this poem is supposed to be about the people in the death camps during the holocaust:

death, lonleyness, questions lingering, why, why does such hate exist, why against my people, why me, my love, they take us here with intensions all the same, pain, hurt, death

im open to All sugesstions!

ok, not the spelling i suck at it but i can fix that myself!

school project!

Answer 1

hmmmmm i would definitely NOT say that this sucked....but i think it could use a little work.
what type of poem is it? i think that you should make it a little bit less confusing, but it doesnt have to be crystal clear because, after all, it is a poem and you want to try and leave the reader with something to think about. haha you are probably saying that you have heard that a million times and i kno myself from being a student that it is EXTREMELY anoying when teacheres tell me that and i dont really like it.....but the truth is...its true!! so think about what i said and try and fix it up a bit! but i really think that it is a great poem and i hope that you come up with something you like!!

Answer 2

Vague. Loneliness is misspelled. Intentions is misspelled.

I only point this out because you are asking for a critique on a poem. It goes without saying that if you are proffering the English language as an art form, it must be spelled correctly. That's just how it is, I didn't make the rules, but the rules make sense.

I see some heartfelt things in this brief writing, but "intensions [sic] all the same" does not convey any meaning unless the rest of it, pain, hurt, death, was the intent of the intentions. Not clear enough, and too brief to encompass such a vast and painful subject.

Hope this helps insofar as constructive criticism goes. It's great that you have an interest in poetry and literature.

Answer 3

I'm sorry but it did not invoke the emotions a poem about the holocaust should. Perhaps you could write a poem from the point of view of a woman waiting. She waits while her friends and family leave, she waits. She wonders and cannot sleep for fear of tomorrow. It is not very personal, your poem needs a voice, a story of old hands and no hope. I'm sorry but it just needs more.

Answer 4

I like your poem and think it's really good. Way to write about what you believe! All I suggest is a spell check. As for form, I feal poems need to be about what's said rather than the way they look. I write poetry and I use all kinds of forms and techniques. Most the time, I don't even rhymne. It's just what sounds good to me. I admire you and encourage you to keep writing and expressing yourself. Right On!

Answer 5

look at your poem from other peoples eyes. would they have any idea that you were talking about the holocaust. you should use metephors, don't say exactly how they feel, make the reader feel what they feel without being so direct

Answer 6

It suffers from lack of form, bad spelling, poor grammar, and a certain whiny quality.

Answer 7

That poem does kind of suck :/

try being more discriptive.

Answer 8

thats a poem? j/k!

try using better stanzas and diction..... you may also need to change a few things here and there.

Love the words... don't like the arrangement.

Answer 9

Um, not quite, but it could be lots better maybe if you made it longer. Why exactly are you writing this anyway?

Answer 10

Its not bad... it has a deep meaning tho so thats good... but I would try and make it rhyme... try to make it more fluent... make it sound like its from a song or something...
but idk i like it