Is my mom's behavior normal? Please!?

Question

I'M 19.yrs. old and my mom told me today that I need to look better...like put more makeup on and try to look pretty...because she was saying hat I have a very low self-esteem and that's why I don't look good because I don't love myself. I got a flashback of when I was 12 and she used to say the same things to me..comparing me to my cousins who would dye their hairs and everything... I dress good, I have always been like that. When I go out I try to look good because I like it and put make up etc...but the past week I have been exercising and I've been in my gym clothes during the afternoons...and i guess that's why she thinks I look ugly. What is wrong with her? IM 5'7 and weight 150lbs and I like to take care of myself....but why does she pressure me to "look good" and be feminine....otherwise she would think Im a lesbian and this happens to my little sister too....and if we wear pants a lot she are masculine...what is wrong??!!!

Answer 1

It sounds like your mother might be afraid of homosexuals, and she fears that you or your sister might become one if you don't act feminine enough. Is your mom religious? Because someone religions are strongly against homosexuals, and believe that it is a sin. Even if you WERE a homosexual, you should just be yourself. There is nothing wrong with who you are, and if your mother thinks there is, there's a problem. No, that isn't normal.

Answer 2

Your mom has some problems and is feeling guilty for not spending more time with you as you were growing up. Now that you are grown up, it seems like she has some jealousy and competitiveness. The way she is going about it suggests that she is a bit controlling and dominant. I wonder why she is not more worried about your education, career prospects and happiness than your makeup. Maybe she thinks you need makeup to "catch a husband." Personally, I hate makeup and don't wear it at all unless we are going out. Makeup will make your skin age more quickly.
I know I'm being a bit flip. I would suggest that you not worry about it too much. If you like, take her aside and reassure her that you are heterosexual (if you are) and that she need not worry, as you intend to take good care of yourself.
Just be glad you still have her around to annoy you. My mother died when I was 30.

Answer 3

Yes, your mother is normal. Every mother has a certain degree of preoccupation about the safety, well-being, etc of their children. Some girls are boyish in their nature and vs with boys - they are girlish. If they are naturally so - they have to be aware of their own nature, mannerism, etc. If you are a lady, be a lady and act like a lady. If you are a boy, be a boy and act like a boy. Your mother is right to remind you about these things - but just tell her that it is not necessary to put on make up as it is something external. Just pay more attention to your well being as a lady. Share also this insight to your sister. Your height is alright for your weight. Don't worry. You are okay!

Answer 4

My Mum was exactly the same. I am now 30 and when she says things about my hair etc i just say "this is me and i am happy this way". It has still affected me as i always worry what people think about me (do i look ok? are they thinking my hair is messy?) but i am slowly loving myself. Be strong and make sure your sister knows she can be the person she wants to be.

Answer 5

This sounds like your mom's issues, not yours. She is obviously acting out on some internal battles of her own by taking it out on you. She's your mom, so don't disrespect her, by arguing, but also don't put too much thought into what she says. If you are happy with yourself, then feel good and hope that she can get happy with herself. Once again, I do not think this has much to do with you, it seems to be all about her and taking it out on you probably makes her feel better.

Answer 6

Your mother has problems with her self-esteem. Don't listen to her crazy rantings, she has issues that she needs to deal with. As long as you are happy, that is all that should count and deep down your mother knows this is true. You should be strong for your younger sister and try to help her through her teenage years so she does not develop a warped sense of self.

Answer 7

unfortunately your mom's behavior is pretty common, but way out of line. she obviously has some major problems with her own self image. just remind your mom that you love and respect her but feel confident in how you look and would not have it any other way. if she continues to push the issue, you may need to have a serious talk with her about it.

Answer 8

I think your mom's behavior says more about her and her lack of confidence than it does you. Its probably her that feels unattractive and unfeminine....I would just let it go in one ear and out the other. It sounds like you have a good sense of self and take care of yourself properly.Don't worry about what she thinks of you...just do the best you can for yourself and be happy.

Answer 9

don't worry about your mom at all. if you feel good about yourself, and don't have issues with your self-esteem, don't let her change that. you seem very healthy. your mom may have archaic ideas of femininity. let her know that you feel good about yourself and try to convey your self-esteem to her. she probably has your best interest at heart, but has a shallow way of expressing it. your mom may be overly concerned with image, so talk to her. i wouldn't say her behavior is abnormal to the degree of a psychological disorder, but it's not a great way of looking at the world.

Answer 10

Well hun dont pay any attention to what she is saying you are old enough to decide what makes you comfortable. Make yourself happy not everyone around you. Besides...When people know who ya are its NOT gonna matter weather or not you have makeup on.