Am I being selfish?

Question

First off, I am a single mother of 4 and my kids are with their Dad every other weekend. I have a new friend who just took a job working several days during the week and 10 hrs. on Sat plus 8 hrs. on Sunday. She called me up to offer me the job of babysitting her two kids every other weekend (the ones I don't have my 4). I almost choked. I politely declined but she seemed disappointed - maybe even upset.

These 4 days a month that I have w/o kids are the only things keeping me out of the nuthouse :-) and the last thing I want to do is spend them babysitting someone else's kids. I do need the money and have been trying to find some work ( I sell on eBay ) so I appreciate her offer, as she said she would pay me.

I think finding daycare from 10 am- 8 pm every Sat. as well as another 8 hrs. on Sun.is going to be very difficult..... also, she said when she did daycare she did it all day for $20 + $15 for the extra child....so I think she was planning on paying me $70 for 18 hrs.....

I may have misunderstood if she was planning on offering more $, I'm not sure. She is thrilled because her husband works wknd and is off on Tues & Thurs so they will have those days together.......meanwhile, if I had taken it, I would have kids 24/7. I justified my decision (to myself) as needing that down time to re-cup so I could be rested and more patient w/ my own kids when they come back....I am not going to change my mind but I am wondering if I am being a bit of a witch and am wrong about thinking that finding the wknd daycare will be hard - thanks.

Answer 1

you're a consciencious friend and that's why you might be feeling guilty and she might refer to you as being selfish, but if she does then she is way wrong.

developing healthy boundaries, knowing what you need in order to stay sane, and being able to decline when you need to in order to take care of yourself is not selfish, it's responsible, mature, and very courageous. You're a survivor and if your friend doesn't understand that then that's her problem, not yours and if she's trying to make you feel guilty about it then I think it's because she doesn't understand about boundaries and self care.

good for you!!! you need your You Time. Take it. Cuz if you don't, you'll be looking for someone to take care of you.

Answer 2

you did the right thing. Your friend should understand your situation she has her man and they both have jobs then they can afford a nice daycare for their children.She sounds like she's selfish how can she ask you when that's only your time the time to do things you cant do with the children the time to recover from all the stress. If she's a good friend she would understand do they have relatives to care for their children? come on now how far can people get and take advantage of a friendship. You know by asking you she wants to save some money. And as for you don't give up a good job opportunity will eventually come up.
good luck and do not take the offer trust me shes not helping you a bit she wants and needs the help.Test her and ask if there's any job openings where she is working I bet jealousy will be in the atmosphere.
good luck

Answer 3

She was stupid for asking the da** question. Who wants to watch kids when you deal with 4 solo an average of 26 days a month. Ask her if the situation was reversed would she want to watch your kids. I think she is the selfish one not to see that this was a very unfair request to make and then to get upset about it. And you can make the extra money doing secret shopping I do. Look into it. Go out and shop, eat and get paid to do it when the rugrats are gone not take on more. Some friends really don't know how to be friends. It sounds like you got a rotten one.

Answer 4

I am a single mother of two and I definately think YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!
I am lucky that my children's father has them a little more often than every other weekend, but I am so grateful to have the time to myself. You need it to keep sane, to relax, catch up on things you need to do without the children, whatever, but just make sure you keep those 2 days to yourself... You really become a better parent having some time away, and you even appreciate your children more when they get home!
Explain it to your friend, I'm sure she would understand (well she SHOULD anyway). I certainly wouldn't want to be looking after someone else's children in my time away from my own! Good luck...

Answer 5

You are not being selfish. It is not your responsibility to provide a childcare service for your friend. This doesn't mean you shouldn't offer your assistance in the case of a true emergency, as this is what friends do, but not on a regular basis, and not at the expense of your very small amount of personal time. Raising four kids on your own has to be exhausting, and in order to continue to be an effective parent, you have to look after your mental health, which means taking breaks when necessary. So it's not selfishness. It is alright to admit you are only human, and need time to yourself.

Answer 6

You have a full schedule if you are caring for four children of your own, every day except four days each month. I can not see how she could possibly expect you to give up such little free time. If she is seriously upset about this I would have to say she is behaving very badly. No you are not being selfish. You could offer to watch her children the weekends you have your own. This would keep your others free and give your children playmates those weekends.

Answer 7

Definately not selfish. I'm not a mother but i'm a baby sitter who work eight hours a day, i understand your pain. Saturday and sunday is those days i can relax a lil and keep me from going nuts! Last time my cousin ask me to babysit for her for a fee, i nearly died of mental exhaustion and get very cranky on monday morning because i didn't let my body and my mind have the rest they deserved! Helping friend is good but not at you own wellbeing's expense. Trust me if you say yes you are going to regret it big time. You don't want to hate the sight of your own children on monday.

Answer 8

If you really need the money then I'd say take it, but with you being a single mother its not selfish to want some time for your self.
I don't think too many single parents would want to take care of someone else's kids during the little amount of time they had away from their own kids.
You should try not to run your self down or drive your self loco you do need your health (mental and physical) to take care of your own kids.

Answer 9

I am getting so sick of these "follow your heart" responses, look here is the ethics of it. If your only time to yourself is those four days, keep them because your need mental health time so that you can be the best parent you can be and if you want to talk buisness 18 hours of work for 70 dollars is about 4.25 an hour so your financially not missing much. Feel good

Answer 10

Of course your not being selfish, you know you do need some time to yourself because you practically have no help taking care of the kids everday so I can see where you would want to relax and have time to yourself instead of watching another person's kids exspecially since you figured she would only pay you $70 for 18 hours. Don't feel bad you have no reason to.

Answer 11

$70 for 18 hours is less than $4 an hour! You'd have to be crazy to do that... You've got four kids of your own and having a little time to yourself is essential for your well-being. If she is upset, it's her problem. You were polite, which is as it should have been. Past that, you don't owe your friend anything. I can understand if she's disappointed, but if she's anything more than that, too bad for her!