What is the best way...............?

Question

to maintain a good parenting relationship with the mother/father of your child in the event of a break-up WITHOUT using the CHILD as leverage? (This question is rated M for Mature Audiences Only)

Answer 1

Being mature about it.

I have a great relationship with my ex and believe me it took some work.

We both however came to the decision early on that our child would suffer if we could not set aside our petty differences.

There are some great courses out there the one in our community is called "parenting after separation" and is mandatory for anyone that enters into the family court system.

Figure out where your greatest challenge lies with your ex and find a way to set it aside where your children are concerned.

It it so so important that your child knows he is loved and can rely on both of you.

Talking ill about his or her other parent in front of them makes the child feel like they are at fault.

I assure you by doing what is best for your child, you may find your way back to at least liking your ex .

Good Luck

Answer 2

The best way is to NEVER THINK of your child as leverage. What I like to do myself is to remember the love I did have for the person I made the child with. Things just didn't work out. No MATTERS WHO'S FAULT.

The only one who gets hurt is the child when it is used as LEVERAGE. Unless the father/mother of your child is a low life the best think to do is put on a united front. Remember the child is a part of both parents and they see themselves as such. So if you state "you are just like your father a liar" the child sees themselves as part of this since they are part of this parent.

So in closing to maintain a health relationship is to always have your child at the forefront of your heart & miind.

Answer 3

the best way to maintain a good relationship with the mother/father of your child is too be able to put all the reasons you guys have broken-up in the past. you cant move forward if you cant let go of what happened. if both parents can come to a mutual understanding of what happened and be mature about the situation by not bringing up history between you guys or keeping grudges against one another (i kno alot of parents who do that) then there is room to for both parents to...i guess you could say truce? in simple words, because you have broken-up it is fact that needs to be known between the two and also that you have broken-up because the relationship is not working out. dont bring personal issues between each other because then all you will do is argue and that is not healthy for the child. you need to put all differences aside and know that you both share a child that you both love and that is all that should matter.

Answer 4

Well, I dont have a good relationship with my babies momma but, the best thing to do without using the child as leverage is to evaluate and take everything into perspective, always show good communication when around the child, act with good strong positive actions wether you get along or not cuz kids are very perceptive and learn what they see, so keep everything positive when the child is around... Keep it polite around the child and or children... Actions they can pick up on to, body moods, if you are tense and what not so keep calm... And always tell you child you love them... Alot of times kids wonder "why?" regarding to why mommy n dady arent together, "is it my fault?" So always tell them they are loved and show it... And as for the courts, you must show that you are very responsible so that the courts respect you. And as for child support, it needs to be paid or debt will shoot up like crazy, My brother in law's dad is still paying support for his kids and the youngest is 28, but due to not keeping in contact with the courts, even though he had custody, he is still paying, that there is a really bad deal if ya ask me... And, It might not be a bad idea to try to get a younger persons perspctive on this as well, say a younger persons who's parents had divorced or have seperate parents and see what they say in regards as to what they think their parents could have done differently... Experience makes you wise... Good luck...

Answer 5

Truly, a Excellent question. The absolute majority of couples that break-up with Children, think more of themselves. The Love, and Happiness that comes with children is more than just an unhappy Marriage. They go through a gauntlet of emotions and frustrations, wondering if it was them that helped break the Family up, to much for a young person to deal with emotionally. Now is the time to do the one hing they need more than anything, a hug, a kind word, asking about how they are doing, even if the other new parents don't. It will give you the edge in the long run. Love always ends up in 1st. Place !! My prayers go out to you and yours, and God Bless !!

Answer 6

Being mature about it.

I have a great relationship with my ex and believe me it took some work.

We both however came to the decision early on that our child would suffer if we could not set aside our petty differences.

There are some great courses out there the one in our community is called "parenting after separation" and is mandatory for anyone that enters into the family court system.

Figure out where your greatest challenge lies with your ex and find a way to set it aside where your children are concerned.

It it so so important that your child knows he is loved and can rely on both of you.

Talking ill about his or her other parent in front of them makes the child feel like they are at fault.

I assure you by doing what is best for your child, you may find your way back to at least liking your ex .

Answer 7

Never put the other down, always compliment each other and never think of your child as leverage...that's just low... No matter how much you can't stand the person...be the better of the 2 and put up the VERY BEST front for the child. Smiles, Smiles, Smiles cause he/she will sense the very lil bit of hate between ya's...

Answer 8

In order to accomplish this you must first be dealing with a reasonable mature person. The father of my daughter never provided for her and when we went to court for child support hearing (he hadn't seen her in over a year) he did not even come up to her to hug, speak with her. She is 17 (this happened March of 2006). He then wrote a letter to the judge claiming she wasn't his daughter (my daughter doesn't know this). There was never an acknowledgment of her birthday, christmas. He was very abusive to me and very critical of her, she's too fat etc....she is better off without him. I hope your relationship can be ammicable for the sake of the child because I do believe that a child needs both parents in their life, providing of course that they are supportive, loving and a good influence. Unfortunately, y daughter's father is a drinking, doping, womanizing dirt bag.......

Answer 9

be consistent at both homes and do not let the new partner be responsible for your child, that only makes the other parent angry. always let the child know that you love him or her. try to meet each other half way when there may be a problem with visitation. remember just because parents are,'t together don't make the child suffer always be supportive

Answer 10

That's a tough one. If it is at all possible, keep your private life private. That is, don't have members of the opposite sex (and please, no desperate members of the same sex, looking to hook up with someone who will give them a 'family') over to spend to the night or to conspicuously hang out at your place. It's hard to do, I know, but simply date and have babysitters and keep everything varied and low-key. Don't bring your love life into your household - it will certainly get back to your ex. What your ex feels and does about what they learn might not be good - and it will show in conflicts involving your child.
If you want to have a good parenting relationship with your ex and your child, try to be happy yourself and calm. Try to resist anything your ex does to provoke bad feeling. Don't talk about your ex in a disparaging way and that will pay off in the long run. What it gains you in the short run is never worth it.
If you have good relationships in your life, even just friends or relatives you can have involved in your life, you will feel better able to handle whatever your ex throws your way. Sooner or later, they run out of steam and get busy with their own lives and want to have you as a cooperative partner because conflict just takes too much energy. Good luck!