Why does it hurt children emotionally when parents divorce?

Question

Or even grown children.

Answer 1

I don't think it hurts them nearly as much as people believe. What hurts them is the cause and it's there even if you stay together. If the fighting continues it's what hurts the child the most. I was raised by a single mom and percectly normal and had no issues growing up or even now. It was the way it wa handled.

Answer 2

Children or even grown kids get emotionally hurt because they are use to living with both parents and dont want to see them go through with something they dont wnat to go through. If they get emotinally hurt then they do stuff that they would never do in life or just quit talking and hide or keep things to themselves. I know from experience. My parents got divorced when i was in seventh grade and now i am in eleventh grade now and i have done a lot of stuff i would not have done if my parents were still together. If my parents were still together i would not have done the stuff i have done. Even though i wish my parents were still together I know it wont happen. I think about the days we would have fun and go somewhere as a family. But then again it was good for my dad cause he would not be as happy as he is right now. My mom is still the same person as she use to be. But that is my story and that is how or why children or even grown kids get emotionally hurt when their parents get divorced.

Answer 3

Part of it is because they are seeing that they cant trust what anyone says, tells them or promises them or others for that matter?

They see that what a person says or promises is likely to be only a matter of convenience and situations, not what the other person means or will live up to?

Kids quickly learn that they are often used as a pawn or a check catcher or something like that. Kids hear parents talk about how they are concerned with the best interests of the kids then see the parents show that to be a lie in many cases.

Children learn that adults like kids are selfish and want their own way.

Given those reasons, why would it not screw up a kid?

Answer 4

I think, because this is what they know (parents being together) and when parents get divorced it is very scary and stressful on the children because what they have always known is now different. They feel that they cant trust the adults in their life and this confuses them. Also kids don't want to disappoint either parent and so they are torn between the parents (even if the parents are not putting the kids in the middle) the kids will feel like they are.

Answer 5

i honestly can't say it hurts all children. It's not hurting mine that their bio-father and i are divorcing, but we have a rare situation. The younger of the two children was 2 months old when we left him and the older was 18 months old. We've had no contact from him since, and don't expect any contact ever as he doesn't want anything to do with them.

The older of the two doesn't want him to ever come back...there was abuse for her that she still remembers somewhat. She won't talk to me about it, only to my mom and only on occassion.

The kids are now 3 1/2 and 5 and both are thriving. Both are happy it's just us, and that we're with their grandparents, as they have lots of people who love them around them constantly.

So, while it does hurt most kids, because there is emotional attachment to both parents and they don't want to be separate from either, it doesn't hurt all kids. And, some could care less because of either their age at the time of the divorce or abuse suffered at the hands of one of them.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

I'm kind of surprised by your question. I think the answer is pretty obvious. The family, for better or worse, is the foundation of who we are. When parents, the two people children, are supposed to be able to depend on can't make it work, what hope doe the child have? Even if the child is an adult, the example set by the parents is one of the child's guiding principles. If the parents couldn't keep it together after 30 or 40 years, what does that mean for the adult child's future?

Answer 7

Their family unit, which is their whole world, is torn apart. Even as an adult child, your parents as a couple are the only way you've ever known them. Change can be difficult for anyone. It seems like out of all the people I know, the adult children seem to have a harder time with it.

Answer 8

For younger children the parents are their safety net....the place where they are secure, loved & comfortable. When the parents divorce the children can feel lost, afraid, and unsure what else in their lives isn't real anymore.

For older children it's pretty much the same.....children are children no matter how old they are.

Answer 9

It is extremely painful for the children and for the father since primary custody is usually awarded to the mother,who tends to take it all pretty lightly. For the wife it is done quite casually,and I don't think they particularly care how bad it might be for the children in the long run. It is not easy to grow up without a father.

Answer 10

Children no matter how old they get remember times they shared with their parents. They don't want to see either of them hurt or alone. They also tend to wonder if they could have been somewhat responsible for the break up.