Should I postpone my wedding?
Sunday morning while I was out to the store two men broek into my house and raped my faincee who I live with and they cut my 3 year old daughters legs. (I posted about this already so I am not going to repeat it again) When I came home the men had left my fiancee and daughter tied up and gagged on th floor. Well the past three days have been awful. My faincee is horribly distressed and scared. Normally we sleep in seperate beds (becasue we are not yet married) but she has slept withme ever since she was raped. My family thinks we should psotpone our wedding which we plan to have on Easter (three weeks away). My faincee insists she wants to go ahead with it on schedule she dont want her rape to affect our plans. I want what is best for my family. My fiancee is 17 (so am I) so she is having to deal with a lot. Can someone comment? Should we postpone the wedding? help?
2007-03-21 13:55:11 · 14 answers · asked by Martin A Neville 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do not judge me about being a 17 year old single father either. i cant stand judgemental people.
2007-03-21 13:55:54 · update #1
In responce to those suggesting we find somewhere else to live it is not that simple. The house we live in only costs $500 a month rent a baragin for a three bedroom house and pool and patio. No where else could we find such a good deal. And also we cant afford the moving expenses. I only make $300 every two weeks.
2007-03-21 14:24:37 · update #2
Easy Rider, my daughter is not my fiancee's child she is my daughter from a past relationship. But my fiancee considers my dauhgter to be her daughter.
2007-03-21 14:26:18 · update #3
OK, if she wants to go through the marriage in three weeks then maybe you should. But you know her better then we do. So you think she is ready, I think she wants to go through with it and that is mature of her. Why not put this beyond you and keep moving. Don't worry what other people say, find out what the two of you are ready for and go from there.
2007-03-21 14:56:16 · answer #1 · answered by loulou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My condlolences to your fiance and daughter! Such a tragedy!! My advice to you is.... this is something your fiance needs to decide on. She has been through a terrible ordeal and it should be up to her whether or not to go through with it. The expenses already incurred in planning a wedding can always be remade and certainly people would understand. And if anyone had a problem with the postponement they can get over it or die pissed!! Your family comes first and everyone should seek some professional help in dealing with this situation. If she decides to go through with the wedding as planned make sure there are enough people on hand to offer emotional support as I am sure she and all involved will be overly emotional!! Clothing and makeup can cover the bruises and scars but love is the only thing that can help heal the pain!! God bless you all and remember that this day is yours and no one elses!! Make it special and make it right!
2007-03-23 04:05:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am SO sorry that your family had endured such trauma!
I am not going to judge you, but I am curious. You sleep in separate beds because you are not married, but you have a daughter....
Anyway, if your fiancee is still wanting to go ahead with the wedding, and you're okay with it, then I would. But you both need to be sure that this is what you want at this time.
Good Luck and congrats!
ADD:
I wouldn't let the rapist have that much control over my life that I would postpone my wedding. Neither of you should let anyone interfere with your lives.
ADD:
That's so great! Not too many people accept other children as their own. KUDOS to her!
2007-03-21 14:22:46 · answer #3 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Im so very sorry to read ur post nothing like that should happen to any woman never mind a 17 yr old.And ur poor daughter is disgusting the men want stringing it by there pvts and let to rot ur child or partner did nothing to deserve that no human does.The answer to ur question it dont lie here as u can read what ppl put but its ur desision at the end of the day. You need to sit and talk with ur girlllfriend and ask what she would like to do and with ur daughter be strong for her also as its her whole future whats in ur hands now.You also have been affected by this as its two of the most important people in ur life what has been effected.You wife to be will be sharing ur bed for comfort and protection knowing u are there.Be as strong as u can for these two special ladies in ur life and try and move on and put events behind u.I wish u all the luck and happiness for the future and hope ur do well for urself after this terrible ordeal.What ever happens to them men i hope they rot in hell for what they have put such a young family through
2007-03-21 14:35:53 · answer #4 · answered by missunderztood 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your fiance doesn't want to postpone, do it now. That is such a terrible thing to have happen to your family. Focusing on a happy event will be good for the three of you. Maybe you could find a new place to live and start a brand new life as a married couple.
I'm sure that you are doing whatever is possible for your fiance. Perhaps you could go to therapy with her and your daughter.
I hope those "men" burn.....
2007-03-21 14:09:17 · answer #5 · answered by JLB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for being so strong and taking care of the women in your life. You are extremely mature at 17. I don't think alot of 17 year olds would handle this situation as good as you are.
I think you should go ahead with the wedding as that will give her something to get her mind off what happened. I would HIGHLY suggest you find somewhere else to live. You do not want to take the chance of these men coming back and doing worse to them. I also hope you have them in counseling. I pray the police find the two creeps that did this and they pay for what they have done to your family.
Good luck!
2007-03-21 14:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely postpone and get some counselling for both of you. But mostly for your fiancee as this will surface later on and be a big problem for both of you . She is just clinging on to you right now because she is scared but it could change later on. A professional would be able to see if she is suffering from post traunatic stress disorder which is very common in such cases.
2007-03-21 14:07:29 · answer #7 · answered by canadagirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should prospone the wedding. It is just not right. Your Faincee has a lot of stuff to deal with. your marriage will not start off on a good foot. It will end up pulling you a part if she does not get through this first.
2007-03-21 14:02:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your fiancee dosn't want to postpone the wedding, then don't. Just be prepared for all the adjustments that you will have to deal with regarding the rape. She may feel that she is doing Ok but when it comes to intimacy, it may prove to be too much for her. I pray that she can handle it without any reprecussions and she will have to be a strong person to deal with it.
Being raped is just a terrible thing to happen to a person and she may never be able to deal with intimacy situations. I hope that you will be a strong supporter for her and she knows that you will be there for her.
I pray for the best for you two and I pray that your marriage will be successful.
2007-03-21 14:05:35 · answer #9 · answered by Linda L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wedding is something that your fiance is focusng on to distract herself from what has happened. It doesn't sound as though she's dealing with it.
Go ahead with your wedding, but then get her the help she needs. She's been through enough without her special day being affected.
2007-03-21 14:02:06 · answer #10 · answered by Jason C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋