please tell me what you think of this poem?

Question

Something I wrote a few weeks ago:


The realm of darkness
In which I dwell
This place that light and love forgot.
Come seek me out
And join me here
This land where nothing matters.
Descend with me
Down to the depths;
Depravity, pain and filth.

They left me here
In this place not sought
And I can't claw my way back
To the land of the living
The world above
Where happiness still exists.
Instead, abandoned
In this place to rot;
No more than I deserve.



I did ask this earlier, but I'd like more answers

this is not necessarily a representation of my own feelings, merely something I wrote

Answer 1

It is to gothic.

Answer 2

I dig it.

Great dark imagery, and you feel pulled down more and more through the first section well. I stumbled with the flow reading through the 3rd and 4th lines of the second section but I couldn't tell you why. I absolutely love the finish with the ownership of the plight despite the despiration.



...oh and I feel I would be remiss not to mention that your parents love you, I'd stick with going to a University....get a degree in biomedical science maybe (my minor personally) and leave open some medical choices that will pay MUCH better than a paramedic, and good anger management would certainly include this gift of creative writing as an outlet...and I always dug my martial arts when I was your age writing the same sort of poetry.

PS...don't ever let people discourage the dark places inside that inspire such great imagery...they have their place too.

Answer 3

This poem says a lot! I wish you would have played with the words more and maybe had given it a more rhythmic sense. I like the idea of "chopping" the lines to short tidbits so not to intimidate or bore the reader but please, make complete statements or a statement that is building and can draw you to the next line to complete the thought. Keep at it, you definately have something to say and will find the perfect way the more you attempt it.

Answer 4

I think it is a good poem in the pure sense of poetry.

Speaking to you, it speaks of horrible despair of something you have done or think you have done that is so horrible as to ostracize you from normal society. I hope you are in therapy and getting the help you need. If not please seek therpay immediately.
Good Luck and God Bless and remember there is nothing that cannot be righted or forgiven.

Answer 5

Sounds like something I wrote in high school that got me a one-way ticket to the Guidance Counselor's office.

Great poem but for being so depressing.

Answer 6

Its a good poem . Considering you didn't give your age or mention anything about your own personality .
i do have to wonder if there is some sadness in your life ?
Sometimes people write down things ,and there actually talking about themselves how they feel .

Answer 7

I like it.. in a dark, mysterious yet promoting a friendship sort of way. Depressing yet fulfilling. There are parts where it does stop for me instead of continuously flowing but it's still good.

Answer 8

Definitely one of the better poems I've read on-line, and even though it is gloomy, it doesn't leave me wanting to kill myself.

That's my way of saying I like it.

Answer 9

It's not the best I've ever read, but it's pretty d@mn good. Are you a songwriter? You could and should be. :-)

It is a little gothic, though. (For my tastes)

Answer 10

It is good. Sounds gothic. I write poetry like that alot

Answer 11

The poem isn't that great. And more importantly, your parents love you.