my friends husband caught her cheating with his best friend now wants a divorce and custody of their 3 kids?

Question

any advice she really loves her husband and kids and knows that it was wrong (they were both drunk)

Answer 1

Well there is no excuse for cheating on your husband. She should think about these things before hand. Im shure her husband needs time to get over his anger first. After things cool down she needs to talk things over with him. And she needs to beg for his forgivness. Maby he is the kind that will forgive her But even so things will never be the same agian. There will always be an issue with trust and he will most likely throw this up in her face from time to time. By cheating she has altered the rest of her life. She has alot of issues to work out over this. I hope she is able to work things out.

Answer 2

Anyone would be confused. I know it’s so easy for someone else to tell you “Kick him to the curb” and that too would be my first reaction, but before doing that you need to weigh your options. (1) Do you work or have a means of financially supporting yourself and three kids? (Day care for three kids while you work will be costly) (2) Do you have a lot of financial debt? (Will you be able to keep it in check?) (3) Down deep, do you still love him? (Really love him?) (4) Do you TRULY believe he still loves you? (Or he just says the words) (5) Do you have family and/or friends that will help support you emotionally and financially if you leave him? (Regardless of what the court makes him pay in child support there will always be expenses) (6) Can you look the other way and pretend this never happened?(sounds like you’ve tried to do this before) (7) Can you be sure it won’t happen again? (Hard for a leopard to change his spots) (8) Is he worth the effort? (or maybe the question should be, are you?) (9) Does he make enough money to be able to pay the child support that he will be charged with paying as a father of three? (Currently child support is about 17% of salary times the number of children, but it could be a little more or a little less. The thing is if he can’t or won’t pay it there’s not a lot you can do except wait in the line of our Judicial system. You can’t get blood from a turnip) Answer these questions honestly to yourself and weigh the results and I think you’ll know better what to do, but until you decide to leave him, USE HIM. Realize to yourself that he is just a means to an end. Know that your own self worth is not just you alone, but also the value of your children’s future. Save your own sanity, but take all you can get from him before he has nothing to give. Right now he should be feeling remorseful, but basically he’s just ashamed and embarrassed over being caught. If you’re creative, go on line and look for divorce forms. Fill in the blanks; show him what you’ll expect and what he’ll be facing. Put yourself in charge. Good Luck

Answer 3

I feel for this woman's husband. His wife cheated with his best friend. He feels betrayed by not 1 but 2 people who mean something to him. He has every right to want a divorce and custody of the children and maybe even the house and some child support too. Alcohol is NO excuse and if wifey poo can't drink and be responsible, maybe she should stop drinking.

Mary in the tiny village of Onsted, Michigan

Answer 4

I have been really drunk before, in fact I have been really drunk with the girl I had the hots for back in high school, but I didn't cheat!

You know why? because it's wrong. Because I honor the vows that I made to my wife. Because it doesn't matter how much I drink I know the difference between right and wrong.

The drinking is nothing but a lame excuse. She is a cheater. She made a choice and now its time to face the consequences for her actions.

Answer 5

Not knowing the people involved, I'd say it's his perfect right to walk away and try to get custody (there's probably a lot other bad history there though,)

If I was his friend I'd advise him to stay and work it out if it was at all possible, for the sake of the children if nothing else.

If he does stay, he should make sure she gets into recovery for alcoholism though as this incident is a pretty clear sign that she needs some help.

Answer 6

I don't blame him for wanting the divorce. As far as custody of the kids, I would sue for custody if she was an unfit mother. Cheating on your spouse doesn't mean you're an unfit parent, unless of course she was home with them and got drunk enough with another guy to have sex with him.

Answer 7

Hi, well I think that he is doing the right thing and when she does some growing up maybe she can visit the children and they can remain friends, hey you can't blame the guy. People don't seem to understand when you talk about love that is not a feeling to mess with so, I'm really sorry about your friends luck but she should have thought about what she had when she had it.

Love is not something that you **** all over.

Take care.

Answer 8

That's not an excuse, and she can't be using that as an excuse. They should try to work it out, but some people can't get past the fact that the spouse went outside of the marriage into someone else's arms. Give him time, tell her to leave him alone for now, he's still trying to get over the shock, and think of a solution.

Answer 9

and you believe her? don't be stupid. it's obvious that your friend is a cheater. she's just trying to find an excuse for what she did. think about it, even though the other guy was his husband bestfriend, what right does she have to be with him? she's a married woman. and the fact that it was his husband bestfriend just makes everythings worst.

she could ask for forgiveness, i mean everybody makes mistakes. but right now it dpends on her husband, can he forgive her? 'cause things will never be the same again, he may not be able to see, trust, love, and treat her as he used to.

i don't think there's anything that you coud do to help her. so just pray for the best

Answer 10

I'm glad you wrote that they were both drunk. That obviously makes it all better.
I'm sure she really loves her kids, but she put her needs in front of theirs. That's inexcusable. We all make decisions in life, and there are consequences. Your friend is a $lut and deserves whatever comes her way because she made a very poor decision. My advice is that she needs to accept responsibility for what she's done to her family.