Am I right?

Question

I come from a very dysfunctional family, probably out beats the Osbournes any day. I am 21 years old and have been living on my own since I was 15 years old. My mother up until 4 years ago, was addicted to the internet, and constantly conned people out of money, using stories about her kids being retarded and needing medical attention, thats not even half of it, but just something to let ya'll know what kind of person she is. She recently married a man that none of us children like, and she is pretty much putting us on the back burner for this man. He's physically abused me and one of my brothers, and she takes his side. She is always asking me and my fiance to borrow money, lying about situations to make me help her, and so much more. I told my mother today that I no longer wanted anything to do with her until she is out of that situation and no longer married to him. Am I wrong, or should I stick with the guns and keep her out of my life until shes normal again?

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear that, you have been through alot in your early childhood, probably more than most kids at your age back then have been through.

About whether cutting all of your tide with your mom or not...I think only you can decide that, and I don't want to influence your decision in any way nor do I dare to say anything negative about your mother, because she is your mother and I respect that. According to your story, she was indeed not a good mother to you or your siblings.

On the bright side, at least you have your fiance who is truly care and love you and stay by your side through thick and thin. I hope he will continue treat you like a princess, because you deserve it, dear. Again, thank you for sharing your story with us here!

p.s "I am your friend"

Answer 2

You wouldn't normally hesitate to keep an unhealthy or even toxic relationship out of your life- family isn't any different. It's unfortunate that there has been some magical exception to that situation when it comes to families in this country, but blood doesn't make a relationship any less healthy. Unfortunately most people don't accept this truth and need to keep the family bond sacred.
I have a poisonous parent as well. I had to walk away and it hurt more because others needed to blame me as the could not understand my reasons. I do not regret it and am a healthier individual because of it.
Ultimately you must do what is healthy for you. It may not be something others accept or understand, but in the long run you will know you did the right thing for you.

Answer 3

You are in a rough spot but because of the other problems you've mentioned. I think you need to consider all your options. There is going to be an emptiness in your life without your mom. I think time away is a great way to put things into perspective but at the same time try to get some professional help for yourself. You've obviously been the mature and good person in the relationship for some time. You need to heal before you can try another round of burying the hatchet. Definitely only meet your mom in nuetral locations and without her husband. When you extend the offer you've come halfway and she has to choose to join you or you'll know she is not willing to do the work.

Answer 4

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to let go. It sounds like you're in a very dangerous and difficult emotional state. It's great that you still think of your mother but she made her own choices and put you and your siblings in harms way many times. Break off any dependence either one of you may have with the other, but if you love your mother as I imagine you still do, let her know that you're willing to help if she starts making the right decisions. Good luck!

Answer 5

Definitely stick to your guns. It would be one thing if you were a minor. But you are 21 years old and have a fiance. Don't take any more crap...get yourself out of that dysfunctional situation and make yourself a better person.

Answer 6

This is a sad situation.
If this man has abused you and your brother you should go to the authorities and report him. It's not too late.
I know you love your mother but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do but I think parting ways with your mother was appropriate under the circumstances.
Does this man abuse her also?
You can keep in touch with her periodically by phone to see how she is doing. Sounds as though she needs help getting her life together and hopefully she will seek that help one day soon.
Good luck to you me dear and God Bless.

Answer 7

Your mother is lying about situations to get money out of you? That is extremely mentally unhealthy and you are doing the right thing by keeping her out of your life. Distance from her will cause less problems for you and your, fiance also if your siblings are in danger proper steps should be taken to ensure their safety.

Answer 8

If her guy is abusing you, turn him in. You're 21, you're old enough to take matters in your own hands. You do NOT have to put up with this. Protect your siblings, for heaven's sake!
She's not going to change. You need to keep away from her, and get your sibs out of that situation.

Answer 9

I see that you have gone through a lot but she is still your mom. Maybe you can try to help her get out of this mess. No, do not give into her. Do not give her money at all. She will never repay you. She is a grown woman with a husband they need to fend for themselves. Some people do not have mothers so they would give anything to have one, don't throw your away. Try to help her out and tell her that all you doing is trying. She needs to agree to help you help her. Good luck and i hope everything goes well.

Answer 10

you are not wrong. sometimes people will hurt you even if they do not want to. my mother is not good for me either and I have said goodbye to her. it hurts, but there was no other way. I cannot change my mother. I can only change the way in how i deal with her, how I talk to her, how I love or hate her, how I act. The choice remains yours. it is not easy to live without a mother, but there are a lot of other people who can fill a similar role...
Good luck! :)