stay at home moms - how do you deal with a negative husband?

Question

(i'm not looking for a seperation)
i stay home with my 2 yr old son, and I feel unappreciated by my husband. it seems he always comes home negative. if i spend the day checking up on landry, he points out the floors need to be cleaned. if i had been to clean the floors, he'd say he had no clean clothes for work., ect. ect.
dinner is also usually a problem -he does work an odd shift 5a-3p - but, my son and I are on a normal schedule. he either plain does not like my cooking, or walked in the door at 3:20 hungry and comments about dinner not being ready, cause he's hungry. or the food i'm making is "trying to make him fat"
i just feel like i'm not suceeding in making him happy, and he was also negative like this when i worked out of the home too.
how can i change the way i run the house to make him happier, or should i even feel i need to? how can i talk to him about how it makes me feel to hear something negative every day instead of something nice?

no he's not abusive, just a complainer, and he complains in other areas of life as well.

Answer 1

It seems like no matter what you do, it isn't good enough for him. It's not what you're doing right or wrong, he has a problem. Was he like this before you married him? The best thing you can do is talk to him. It has to be him that makes a change in his behavior. You can run around all day trying to make everything perfect and it still wouldn't be enough. I would recommend counseling. Maybe a third party could help him see the way he is treating you and how to change his attitude. Don't let this behavior go on, or your son will grow up thinking this is an appropriate way to treat women. I would also recommend letting him run the house for a day or two. My husband has never been disrespectful about me being a stay at home mom, but it wasn't until I was on bedrest with my second and third pregnancies that he realized how much I do around here. I hope you can work this out! Good Luck!

Answer 2

Can I tell you something? For people like this, even if you hung the moon and stars for him, and kissed his feet every night, he'd still find something wrong with the way you were doing it. Mine used to complain about how I cooked, and so I stopped cooking. THEN he complained about how I wasn't cooking, and I figured, if he's gonna complain anyway, he can complain hungry, because why put myself through the physically doing it, only for it to not be good enough? If he's gonna complain anyway...he can complain with a GOOD REASON. Most likely, you can either get used to this treatment, or get out of it once you've had enough. If he was like this before, and he's like this now, he'll be like this when he dies, old and grumpy. I would avoid him as much as possible, and if he grumbles about that too, I'd remind him that NOBODY likes to be around people with piss-poor attitudes!

Answer 3

wow, he sure is negative. He sounds SO much like my ex, who was insecure, negative, and never happy no matter what. Your hubby could be different from him... is he emotionally abusive? Put you down? Is he secretly resentful that you stay home? My ex was so bad that I ended up leaving him because he was extremely negative, was never happy, put me down.

tacota is right... no matter what you did, he probably wouldnt be happy. He has issues, and I would recommend he see a counselor or... tell him if he doesnt improve or things dont change, you need to see a marriage counselor. Show him how serious this is, before you get to the point you want to leave

Answer 4

Sounds like he's the one that needs to change. You are doing the best you can with a 2 year old. Tell him that you would change places with him and let him do everything that you do for a month and see how well he handles it.

I don't see why you would want to stay in that situation. Really. Sounds like you almost have the abused wife syndrome....'How can I change to make him stop abusing (physically or verbally) me? What am I doing wrong?'

Answer 5

When my mom and dad first got married my dad compared my mom's cooking to his mothers. Apparently my mom's cooking never measured up. So, one afternoon, my dad came home from work and was presented with a plate full of dog food.

They've been married over 35 years, and I don't think he's ever complained about dinner again.

Answer 6

Part of being married is communicating with your spouse. You are the one married to him, so you have to talk to him. However, you can't change his attitude, but you sure can change your own. Hope you are not resentful of him, or that you miss working so are taking it out on him. The best thing you can do is make your own attitude totally wonderful and happy - best for you, your son, and your husband. Time for you to buck up, be mature, be totally grateful to your husband for working so hard, be grateful you have a healthy child - and quit complaining about your husband and the work you have to do! Read a book, or something, sheesh!

Answer 7

Hey I would tell him if he doesn't like the way you do things, to do them hes self. Does he know how hard it is to stay at home and take care of your two year old and clean to. He must not or he wouldn't treat you that way. I wish you luck your going to need it!

Answer 8

you dont have to do anymore than what you are already doing
if he does not like the way you do things or how much you do
tell him there is the door - GOODBYE

dont worry about making him any more happier
what about making you and your child happier

you do not have to live in situations like that
but only you can make that decision to either
put up with it and shut up
or leave

Answer 9

Give him a few days notice, tell him you are taking a two week vacation from your job then ignore him.