Path called life
As I follow this path of life
so cold and full of rocks
I stumble across lifes stumbling blocks.
As I follow this path called life.
As I follow this path of life.
Should I be as the rest?
Or perch in my own nest?
As I follow this path called life.
As I follow this path of life
Oh! I think I see a trail, deep within the woods
there lies, lifes lowly goods.
As I follow this path called life.
As I follow this path of life
I will stand for what is right,
even if I am alone.
Soon to end this path called life.
rate 1-10..
yes I wrote this! (c)
2007-03-21 12:18:49 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
It's pretty good. I give it a 7. But I see too much of Frost's "Stopping by a Wood..." in it, and agree that you do say "path" and "life" too much. Your use of rhyme was surprisingly good and not annoying like most aspiring poets attempts. The only thing is that at the end, when you say it's "soon to end", I had to re-read it to try to determine whether it had turned into a suicide poem. I'd consider modifyint that last line.
You should really continue writing! 99% of would-be poets are just boring, trite, and annoying, or else cheesingly dark and surreal. You are in the small category that is pretty decent.
2007-03-21 12:32:13 · answer #1 · answered by lizardmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Prosody which does not contribute to theme, lack of rhetorical devices, figurative language, etc. which is not helped by the repetition of life or the overt theme. The one metaphor there (the path) is rather trite. Admirable sentiments, however.
To improve, try to omit the "of life" and think of a concrete situation. Think of Frost's great poem - did he identify that the path less chosen was a path in life? No, that leaves something for the reader. The last stanza in particular is too blatant, and in the first stanza, "life's stumbling blocks" is rather awkward. "Or perch in my own nest" seems to be something you say to rhyme that loses the consistency of the one metaphor in the poem. The way to approach this, although I may be biased, is to try to think of a metaphorical situation such as Frost's path that evidence your themes without outright stating them. To resort to cliche, show and don't tell....
2007-03-21 19:26:54 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica Rabbit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As I follow this path called life is said too much in the poem. You should really look on the bright side of things. Emo kid.
I'de give it a 4.
2007-03-21 19:26:33 · answer #3 · answered by ayrial22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a 9.
It would have been perfect 10 but you used too much redundancy on the phrase'As I follow this path of life' with little variation adding 'called' on end of each stanzas.
Why don't you edit by omitting the first line of each stanza? or another option omit out all the last lines of each stanza except for the last line of the last stanza?
it's really good poem.
2007-03-21 19:32:56 · answer #4 · answered by oscar c 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a writer as well. I think this is an excellent work.
I think you should pursue your writing if its something you enjoy and can gain something positive from. I don't think it matters much if anyone else "likes" it or understands what you might create and put to paper or pc. If your words and thoughts need to come forth in such a way, its for a reason! Try to allow them/it to flow in a natural way and be happy and satisfied with it.
DO NOT allow anyone else to tell you "Its not good" or "Its not good enough"!!! Don't allow anyone elses perceptions and standards to dictate what you have inside you that you feel needs to be written!!! Good luck and best wishes!
2007-03-21 20:41:57 · answer #5 · answered by Izen G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The third verse is a kind of stumbling block as I follow the path of reading, so I rate 6.
Did you know that today, 21.03., is Unesco day of poetry?
2007-03-21 19:33:28 · answer #6 · answered by corleone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad.
But: "stumble across life's stumbling blocks"?
What else do you do "sit on sitting chair", work in the department of redundancy department?
Oh, and also "Right" and "Alone" do not rhyme, and since all other stanzas do, it should.
Fix that and you got a 5.
2007-03-21 21:16:55 · answer #7 · answered by hq3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 there is no need to make it rhyme. Second why use woods and goods, and you could do more with it ryhming or not. Hopefully not by suicide. refeing to the last line.
2007-03-21 19:26:49 · answer #8 · answered by matt2571483 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll give you a 10 because everyone's poetry is unique.
2007-03-21 20:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by butterfly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
0/10 awful. worst poem
There is nothing in those lines that indicate depth, understanding, originality or even a soul. It is a cliche screwball of sewage clot
2007-03-21 19:33:41 · answer #10 · answered by ibid 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋