We had a great sex life before I got pregnant (hahaha, who doesn't?) But after my 2nd child the sex has almost came to a hault. In 5 1/2 months my husband and I have had sex about 3 times. Is this normal?!!? I have lost almost all my baby weight and I am confident that I am not hideous. However, my husband has gained about 60 lbs in 3 years. Does this affect his sex drive/self-esteem? I do not care what his weight is (well, I want him to be healthy). I am still sexually attracted to him. And no there is not a chance of another woman. I talk to my husband several times over the course of a day and he comes straight home from work and we always go places together...always. Unless there is a place to have sex with a co-worker in a steel mill...ewww. But I have never had any reason to believe there is something else. (no weird cell #'s, girl smell on him, doesnt go out without me, doesnt act mean to me, etc etc.) HELP! I want to enjoy my life as a woman in her early 20's!!!
2007-03-21 12:18:34 · 22 answers · asked by I <3 my boys 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this is what i understand from your post: your husband and you no longer have a great sexual life. you still feel very passionate and you know that your husband is not seeing anyone else. the only difference between before and now are 60 pounds and a new baby. it sounds to me that your husband is going through a "difficult" period. i do not necessarily link the baby with him gaining 60 pounds in 3 years (which to me, honestly, sounds a lot for (i assume) a young man in his 20's/30's??). I think it is very possible that this weight gain affects his self-esteem therefore his sex drive. If I were you, I would try to think about other behavior changes in my husband. Sad? seems depressed?less energy? enough, to maybe when the right time comes, open the door to a conversation on just that: that you've noticed changes. you see him ... sad or depressed... not as happy/relax/self-confident...as before. that you may be wrong but would like to be able to help if indeed this was the case. that he can count on you... that's all i can think of . again, it is based on just what you wrote. so... anyway, good luck
2007-03-22 04:40:17 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are a little stressed out about this OK maybe a lot but this could cause some nasty bad vibes. Sex and intimacy happens when you are a little relaxed(which unfortunately is after the sex - LOL). I think you can pull of subtle sexiness on a regular bases - e.g. sit across from him and make it almost accidental and pull off a Sharon Stone.
Give him a massage after work one day. (things might not happen - don't give up. Just seduce him)
If these fail buy him the blue pill.
If that does not work make an appointment with a sex counselor
If that fails, buy some power tools
2007-03-21 14:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by B N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I have two kids, and I'm 22, and married. Me and my husband just find time to do it. You need to prioritize girl!! sex is a great part of a relationship and you're missing out. Do your kids not take naps?? what about before you both fall asleep at night?? His lunch break. Or just lock yourselves in the bathroom and do it on the counter! If you want to do it, you'll find the time. A quickee can happen anywhere and it will leave both of you guys feeling refreshed and in love.
Just drag him somewhere private when the kids are in bed, and do it. I'm sure he won't start complaining once you start taking off his clothes. Even if you don't feel like it, do it anyways. Don't become one of those sad sexless married people. You're in your early 20's act like it
2007-03-21 12:28:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Becky, get your mom over (or his mom over) for a day (or night), and you and hubby go out for as long as she'll let you! You both need to get away from the kids and the house and everything else! Book a Bed and Breakfast, or get a nice hotel room. Treat yourselves to a nice lunch/dinner and then spend the rest of the day in the bedroom. Sex is so much better away from the kids, the housework, the telephone, the t.v., etc. etc.
2007-03-21 12:42:21 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is kinda normal. It sounds like you have a great relationship and that is great to hear. It could be his weight gain. He might not have the energy that he used to have. Maybe you guys could go on walks together. Work out. That always turns it up at my house.
Good luck!
2007-03-21 12:24:45 · answer #5 · answered by The Voice Of Reason 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this sounds like me, except im pregnant now. im 7 months and my boyfriend and i haven't had sex really since i got pregnant, maybe 4 times total. and before i got pregnant we were pretty busy in the bed. so tonight thanks to yahoo answers im going to the sex store and im going to buy a sexy costume, like a nurse or police, and we are going to get busy. although i don't feel in the mood now, im hoping when i put that outfit on the party gets started. when the baby comes we will both be too tired, so im thinking of visiting the sex store to boost my sexual energy. maybe you should try and do the same. but with birth control so you don't get pregnant again, you might lose all your libido, or it could reverse it. good luck .
2007-03-21 12:31:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be alarmed if you try to initiate something and he shuts it down.. other than that, tired from work.. busy schedules with the kids.. not the right set up or mood...
Make the moment, don't wait for it to happen.. baby sitter for the night.. go out to a romantic dinner.. a quiet stroll.. put the kids to bed early and have a romantic night.. bathtub. champagne.. new sexy lingerie...light his dormant fire :)
Best of Luck..
2007-03-21 15:24:29 · answer #7 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a great and valid enquirey Becky ( also of interest to me )
but as far as an answer i confess, i know nothing about creating intimacy in long term relationships
i have failed there
every single time
it is a super question to ask and i hope it bears fruit for you
the universe backs down when a human being is unwaveringly committed to something
and i hear your commitment In the matter of your intimacy with your huspand
i too will be tracking the answers that come in
all the best
2007-03-22 07:10:18 · answer #8 · answered by lowroad 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
find someone (a family member maybe) to watch the kids for a few hours, go out to dinner (your/his favorite place) and a movie or bar (whatever you are into) when you come home and the kids will be in bed and asleep and you will be more relaxed and what will happen will happen.... plan to seduce him and then follow thru.
2007-03-21 12:51:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal....talk to him about it..let him know you aren't turned off by his weight. What's important is how you feel about each other. Being tired really kills sex. Try to get rest so you have some energy.
2007-03-21 12:28:59 · answer #10 · answered by margherita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋